Under The Tuscan Sun Page #3

Why did you just say his name?

I'm sorry.

I forgot. I'm sorry.

I can make this work.

You know?

Of course I didn't mean I was

gonna do all the work myself.

I can hire the descendents

of Roman gods

to do the heavy lifting.

Then, just supervise,

tell them what to do.

So, have you met him yet?

- Who?

- The guy you're gonna meet.

Patti, please.

You know what?

It's starting to rain here

a little bit.

- So I think I have to go now.

- Wait, Fran.

I want you to kiss

the belly for me.

- Fran.

- Bye-bye.

Can you Star-69 Italy?

No.

I'm gonna try.

Hello?

Okay.

One 1,000,

Jesus!

Okay.

Stop it.

Stop it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You're gonna be okay.

You're safe here.

Just don't fly around, okay?

You'll freak me out.

Oh, God.

Signora?

Signora Mayes?

Buongiorno.

I see you have survived

the storm.

I'm alive.

But the washing machine is dead.

Yes.

It was electrocuted.

I'm happy to see

that you were not.

You came to check on me?

You're meeting the contractors

today, and I came to help you.

I believe one of them is here.

Here?

Downstairs.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

He's here.

I was hoping to take

this wall down

and return these two small rooms

into one big room.

Oh, wonderful.

You should have been

an architect.

You have excellent taste.

So, do you think it can be done?

Hidden pipes, a week.

The bathrooms, 3 days.

Signora, give me

the keys of this place,

and in one month, I will give

you the keys to your palace.

Just...

Just leave it to me.

Boom! Boom! Boom!

Oh.

Oh!

He says he fixed it himself

many years ago.

Really?

Oh. You want to see

the rest of the house?

Okay.

Yes, yes.

He suggest that

he rebuild the wall.

It is important for the

structure of the garden.

He has a team of experts.

Buongiorno.

Hello, miss.

We are not Italian.

We are from Polonia.

Poland. Oh.

Do you all speak English?

Only me.

And only a little.

I am Pawel.

Oh, Pawel.

Nice to meet you.

Buongiorno.

Jerzy.

Jerzy.

Hello.

Zbignew.

Zbignew.

Frances.

What do you think of Nino?

I know his mother.

If he does a bad job, he's...

Well, then.

Okay. Yes.

Okay. Yes.

Yes, yes.

Okay. Yes.

See, Frances?

No problem.

Nino!

Oh, God!

Run! Oh!

Aah!

Okay. Yes.

Kurwa mac!

"Kurwa mac"

means "holy sh*t" in Polish.

I learned that that day.

The fact I'm trying to speak

Polish in Italy

is just one of the many

surprises around here.

Is he a licensed electrician?

No. He's a licensed

literature professor.

Oh.

Czeslaw Milosz.

I like him.

Czeslaw Milosz.

It is only natural getting to

know people should take time.

Every day I watch for

the old man with the flowers.

And I wonder, was he born here?

Did he love someone here?

Did he lose someone here?

He doesn't seem as curious

about me, but that's all right.

These days, I'm something

of a loner myself.

I'm pretty good

at staying entertained.

Mostly, I like to hang out

at a bar I know

conveniently located

in my backyard.

Fortunately, there are things

here you can't do alone.

It's my neighbor Placido who's

teaching me about olives.

Today is okay.

But never pick

when it's wet, huh?

Okay.

These look good.

Oh, my God.

- Pap!

- Si?

- I'm finished.

- Good. Gather up the net.

Okay.

- Chiara!

- Si?

Go and see

if Gianni needs some help.

Okay.

Go, go.

Ciao.

Oops!

Everything okay?

Si.

Grazie.

Francesca?

Are you busy tonight?

No.

Then come to dinner.

It's unhealthy to eat alone.

Stop it, Mom.

It's embarrassing.

- Is she okay?

- Of course. She's fine.

Mama, that's enough.

My granny's very sensitive.

She cries all day.

Are we celebrating

something in particular?

Gratitude to the saints

for saving us

from droughts, mad dogs,

and glandular disorders.

Good evening, everybody.

Sorry I'm late.

Katherine!

Hand me your hat.

Do you like it?

I suppose it wasn't a terrible

idea, buying a villa.

Are you up there all alone?

No lord and master, no consort?

No.

Do you have one?

One? Ha!

I knew this would happen.

Remember?

Don't blame me.

I told him not to get her

that computer.

She got an e-mail lover,

you see, from Ecuador.

Finally, she had to

tell him her age.

No mail!

You had it coming.

You're wrong.

I hurt in my heart.

Even though I'm old,

my heart still aches.

I'm so sorry.

- L'amore.

- Si.

Si.

Hmm?

Celibe?

Celibe.

Celibate?

- Celibate!

- Si.

No. I mean...

Well, actually, I have to admit

it has been a while.

"Celibe" in Italian

means "single."

He's not asking

when you last had sex.

He's asking whether or not

you're married.

Thank you.

No, I'm not.

- Everything all right, darling?

- Oh, terrific. I'm just eating.

He is.

Oh, my God.

- I feel like such an idiot.

- Don't.

Flirting's a ritual in Italy.

Just enjoy it.

Taste this.

It's gorgeous.

Mmm!

- How do you do it?

- Do what?

This.

Well, hats make me happy.

And ice cream.

Ice cream changed my fate.

It was because of ice cream

that my beloved Fefe

discovered me.

Fefe?

II Maestro.

Who?

Federico, darling.

Fellini?

He discovered me in the

Piazza Novena with my parents

eating an ice cream.

I was gobbling it down,

letting it run all over my chin

because I was hungry.

"Do you like ice cream?"

He asked me.

I didn't know who he was.

I was 16.

"You are my imagination

come to life," he told me.

He wasn't just a great director.

He gave great advice.

I'm listening.

Fefe said you have to live

spherically in many directions.

Never lose

your childish enthusiasm,

and things will come your way.

So now I was getting posthumous

advice from Il Maestro,

and I tried to follow it

by pulling ivy,

spherically

and with childish enthusiasm.

Oh, my God.

Niente qui.

Niente.

Not here.

Did you look under the bed?

Could you look under the pillow?

Huh!

No.

It's a joke.

Maybe he moved out already.

Snakes are famous

for changing their minds.

What am I doing here

all by myself?

Don't you think it's strange?

Me in this big house?

Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

You are cold, Signora Mayes.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Do you know the most surprising

thing about divorce?

It doesn't actually kill you,

like a bullet to the heart

or a head-on car wreck.

It should.

When someone you've promised to

cherish till death do you part

says, "I never loved you,"

it should kill you instantly.

You shouldn't have to wake up

day after day after that,

trying to understand how

in the world you didn't know.

The light just never went on,

you know.

I must have have known,

of course,

but I was too scared

to see the truth.

Then fear just makes you

so stupid.

No. It's not stupid,

Signora Mayes.

L'amore cieco.

Oh, love is blind.

Yeah, we have that saying, too.

Everybody has that saying

because it's true everywhere.

I don't want to be blind

anymore.

This house has three bedrooms.

What if there's never anyone

to sleep in them?

And the kitchen, what if there's

never anyone to cook for?

I wake up in the night

thinking, "You idiot.

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