Under The Yum Yum Tree Page #7

about skipping classes today.

Good for the soul, you sweet thing.

I used to be a college man myself,

you know.

Pre-med, engineering, horticulture,

one or two others, there.

- Kicked out of three universities.

- That's too bad.

Well, not really.

I think it worked out for the best.

I find I function better in the fiery crucible

of life, mixing with people, you know?

Hogan, exactly what do you do?

About what? For a living, you mean?

- Yes, I think that's what I mean.

- I own the apartment building.

Well, it's not really my fault.

You see, my antecedents came to California

with the pioneers,

and now I'm stuck with property

all over the place.

- Well, that's too bad.

- Yeah.

It's all I can do to forgive my grandfather

for leaving me so well off.

I've been sort of, I don't know,

deprived of the healthy natural struggle

for existence by being too rich.

- Well, we all have our crosses to bear.

- Yeah, isn't that the truth.

Here I am, forced to eke out my pleasures

in other areas.

Like what?

What are we doing here?

Well, it seems like

such a natural spot for a picnic.

Hogan, I have a million things

I have to get done now.

- I'm very busy.

- Rare bottle of Chablis.

- And chilled, too.

- Take me to the supermarket.

- The supermarket? Are you sure?

- I am positive.

Thanks for helping me, Hogan.

- It's awfully nice of you.

- My pleasure.

Just put it over there, okay?

- Right here. Can you manage?

- Yep.

Okay.

Hogan, I've practically

wasted your whole day.

- Shouldn't you be doing something?

- No, nothing to do.

Just hang around and help you.

Say, listen...

- What?

...sweet thing, some night, Bill... Dave...

- Dave.

- Lf he has to work, or if he's too tired,

I want you to feel free to just pop across

that hall and knock on old Hogan's door,

and let me take you out to dinner.

Will you do that?

Well, thank you very much,

but Dave has so much energy,

- he practically never gets tired.

- Good.

It'll be such fun fixing dinner

for the man you love.

And I want to thank you

for helping me select this wine.

Dave just loves wine.

It's going to be so beautiful

and romantic and...

Dave is just going to love it.

- Yeah. And with all that energy...

- What?

- I just remembered something I forgot.

- What?

I've gotta pop off,

and I'll see you later, huh?

- Okay, goodbye. Thanks for everything.

- Pas de quoi, you sweet thing.

My energy is just fine, thanks!

- I'm only trying to help you.

- Yeah, yeah.

- You remember last night?

- I remember last night.

If you think last night was rough, buster,

you wait and see what she's got in store

for you tonight.

Even the pushups aren't going to help you.

You'll be a goner before dessert.

I appreciate your concern, Hogan,

but what are you talking about?

Well, don't you see, your big problem is

you got too much energy, right?

Now I'm asking you, man to man,

give that sweet trusting child a fair break.

Exhaust yourself before tonight.

You're starting that

substitute-for-sex routine again...

It's true!

You ask any middle-aged man. They don't

have any problem with carnal desire.

They come home from the office

too pooped to care.

- Yeah.

- We've got to exhaust you, my boy,

and before tonight. Please, will you...

Please, trust me.

I'm doing this for your good.

Will you put your trust in me?

Hi, honey, welcome home. What?

- I got a muscle spasm.

- What?

Under the shoulder, honey.

It's kinked up a little.

You poor sweet lamb.

I'm awfully... Here, let me help you.

Here. My poor baby. Come on.

That was delivered for you

about 10 minutes ago. There's a note on it.

- What's it for?

- Well, it's for exercise.

They brought all this other stuff, too.

Did you buy it?

- No, no. It's...

- Who's it from?

- It's from a friend.

- Isn't that nice?

Well, honey, I'm so glad

you're taking an interest in sports.

Well, I mean,

it'll be a little problem storing it,

but as long as you're healthy,

happy and all of that.

Okay. Well, dinner will be ready in a minute.

I'm going to go watch everything, okay?

Oh, boy.

You know, I never had a brother, so I don't

know much about men's interest in sports.

But I think a good wife

should take an interest. Don't you?

Yeah, yeah.

Honey, how would you like it if I took

golf lessons after we're married?

Yeah, yeah, it would be a good idea.

What'd you say? I wonder who that is.

Mr. Dave Manning?

- Dave, it's for you.

- Yeah, what is it?

Oh, my goodness.

- I've never seen anything like that.

- Excuse me.

- Yes.

- Sign here, sir.

Oh, my... They're real.

- Nice evening, isn't it, missus?

- No, it's miss.

- They're beautiful.

- Thank you.

Thank you, sir. Thank you.

Yeah.

- There you go.

- Well, thank you, sir.

- Well, good night, folks.

- Good night.

Like the sign says, good luck.

I wonder what's going on.

There's no note to it.

- Who could have sent it?

- I think it's from Hogan.

But what for?

Midterms. I think I mentioned that to him.

Well, isn't he the dearest thing?

To take all that time and expense

- just to think of you.

- Yeah, yeah.

- He's a doll.

- I almost forgot.

I'll get into the hang of it

before the week is out.

A nice, ice-cold martini for when

my poor, hard-working man... Honey?

Are you asleep?

To me.

Hi, I'm sorry to bother you at this time

of night. Could I borrow a cup of sugar?

- Why, sure. Come on in.

- Thanks.

Be careful with the door. Dave's asleep.

I'll just tippy-toe like a little mouse.

- Whatever happened to him?

- I don't know.

Well, he came home exhausted, poor thing.

I didn't have the heart to wake him.

Martini is my favorite soft drink.

- Help yourself.

- Thank you.

I'll go get the sugar, okay?

What are you cooking over there?

Just a lonely little bachelor's dinner.

- With a cup of sugar?

- Listen, I've got a thought.

- Here's your sugar.

- Thanks.

Your dinner's going to waste,

and I hate cooking for myself,

so why don't you and I just sneak out

and grab a fast bite?

Well, thanks a lot, but I really couldn't.

You can't rattle around here with pots

and pans. You're going to wake that boy up.

- Well, that's true.

- This kid is exhausted. I'm worried.

I mean, he needs his sleep if he wants

to get good marks, you know.

- Well, I don't know...

- Listen, I know a wonderful little

hole-in-the-wall. It's

right around the corner.

We can just grab a hamburger

and some beans.

Just an inexpensive little joint.

Okay with you, you sweet thing?

Bravo.

He found a '28 Romanee.

It's my favorite wine.

This is what you call

"inexpensive little joint"?

Well, it's an economic necessity. The bank

requested that I get rid of excess cash.

It's cluttering up their vaults.

Where was I?

- You were saying something about diversity.

- Yeah.

I didn't understand a word of it.

Well, I'll see if I can

put it a different way.

Well, there must be 200 restaurants

in this town.

- Who's he with?

- My niece, Robin.

- Robin? What's he doing with her?

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