Undercover Grandpa Page #5

Flip the switch.

Press the button.

Everybody, cover your eyes!

Yahoo!

Whoo-hoo!

What's with all the car alarms?

- Electromagnetic surge!

It's to be expected!

Come on, Harry! Not again!

- I'll hear about

this in the morning.

- OK. Where's your

Wi-Fi code?

- Wh-what?

- Never mind.

I'll just improvise.

- Hey, Harry, what's that?

- Batteries.

Elon Musk's team design.

It can feed this entire

building for a month.

- If I can link your

computer to mine,

I should be able to establish a

connection to the 911 database.

I'm in!

OK, locating our time frame...

Let's see what we have.

My cat's stuck up

the tree! Now it's down again!

- My name is Angie Wagner and...

- Slop! That's it!

- Um... My car broke down.

And there was an ambulance

and these SUVs.

And they shot 2 people!

He did! That man from the TV.

- Komenkho?

- He saw me.

And he took me to, um...

I don't know. It's-Jr's

somewhere by the warez.

I got out of the room

they were homing me in

and I got this phone,

but I don't know

when they're gonna be back.

- No! Come on, you

got to find them, buddy.

Come on. please.

- I've retraced where

the signal came from.

- What do we do now, Grandpa?

- Let's get the rest

of the Scum.

- Boys, I want you to meet our

paratrooper and climbing fool.

This is Mother.

- Is he dead?

Ah!

- Is that you, Major?

Harry!

- Just please

let me go, Mr. Mother.

- Give us a little

love, brother.

- Help me up!

- What does it take...

' Hey. Wolf!

- Lou!

Harry!

- Wolf!

- Hey!

- Mother, you, uh...

This a surprise!

I mean...

- Oh, hey, boys.

This is, uh, Wolf.

He's our explosives expert.

- Hi!

- A man of the cloth...

Some things do change.

- Honey! Don't leave me hanging.

I've got a spec...

- Some things don't!

I'm sorry.

- Shhh, Shhh! Shhh!

- Grandpa, are you sure

we're supposed 10...

- Shhh, Shhh, Shhh!

- So, you've come to play games

with ol' Giovanni, huh?

I gotta tell you;

I play to win.

- Good evening, Giovanni.

- Major?

- I thought you were dead!

I don't think so, no.

No, but I'm a little older.

But, look, maybe you

can help me.

I'm looking for some

gun-crazed weapons engineer

and a-and a camo expert.

- Let me thing about it

for about a week.

- Do that.

- I'll get back to you.

- Uh-huh.

- Louis! Louis! Louis!

- I thought you were dead.

- No, no.

- Scum! It's the Scum!

You're all a bunch of scum!

That's what you are!

- Oh, man!

- And you're still alive!

And you're still alive!

- Yeah!

- You're all old people!

What did you do.

Empty out the rest home?

- You got anything

you want to confess?

- You can slick that

where the sun don't shine.

Who are the kids?

Gentlemen! Behold!

Averitable Geppetto's workhouse

of military wonders,

where the warrior in you

can find everything he needs

to achieve his greatest dreams.

- Hmm!

- Oh yeah!

- Oh.

- Hey! get away from that gun!

- I'm sorry!

- You ruined my coffee pol!

- I said I was sorry, OK?

It just looked cool.

- You ruined my coffee pol.

- That's loo bad.

That was really good coffee.

- OK!

At 7:
45 this afternoon.

My grandson's girlfriend

was kidnapped by Krakhovians.

- Krakhovians?

- Komenkho.

- Oh boy!

- All right, so.

This is the warehouse

where they're holding her.

We got 4 entrances here.

What we have to do

is coordinate a strike

at each one of those entrances.

What we need to do first

is get 2 cameras

from these opposite corners here

to cover the whole place.

Now, along this west wall here.

There's a bunch

of these transformers.

And we'll need you

to, uh, sneak in there

and throw that switch off

for a diversion.

Pop it off.

- OK?

- Just pop it off?

- Yeah, pop it off.

ThiS...

- Mm-hmm?

- Is you.

You will zip line

from the lower to the roof.

And then rappel down

onto the south entrance.

- I'm not going up there!

- You were the best

wire man we had.

Please go there, alright?

Harry...

- Hmm?

- The north.

Which is the channel

you'll be coming through.

The north.

That's water

- In the water?

- That reminds me. I saw

one of them deep-diving suits.

- Yeah, I have that.

That's vintage, 1944.

- Nice!

- Uh, still works, I think.

- You think? What do

you mean, you think?

- Ah, 50-50.

I'm kidding you!

- Oh, OK.

- All right, Wolf.

Right outside the east side,

about 100, 200 yards

down the road.

There's this trolley.

I want you to load it up

with explosives

and run it into that door.

Splintering it

to smithereens, OK,

just like we did

in Saigon in '71.

- Oh. Whoa, whoa!

You're kidding, right?

- Do I look like I'm Kidding?

- Yeah.

- Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Take it easy, guys.

- I want to talk to you about.

Um, our assault vehicle.

What happened to the Scummobile?

- I sold it.

- Seriously?

- I'm sorry.

I needed the money.

- It's not your fault, OK?

Now, is there any chance

that maybe you got.

Uh, something else?

You got another

kind of vehicle or...

That means yes.

When you're smiling.

- Yes!

- Good.

I made it myself. Come here!

- Come on, boys! Let's go.

- Gentlemen!

- Wow!

An original 1979

Volkswagen Transporter 2.

This is awesome!

- Lou, what in Heaven's name are

we supposed to do with that?

- It could make

a great base camp.

- Are you serious?

- I kind of like it.

It looks pretty cool.

- But we gonna die!

- Are we out of our

Tricking minds here'?

- Hey, Wolf...

- Wolf, nothing!

In case you haven't

noticed, Major.

We're no youngsters anymore.

And I got myself a woman.

And I'm a priest.

And a damned good one!

- Maybe we want to think

this thing through.

Let's sleep on it, all right?

- I don't sleep good anymore.

I pee 8 times a night.

Six in the toilet.

- I... I don't think this

is a good time for this.

- Enough of that! OK?

Forget this crazy talk!

We should all go home.

Forget this night ever happened.

Look, I love you guys.

You're gonna do

what you're gonna do.

May God go with you.

I'm out of here.

- I think Wolf has a point, Lou.

- It's... I...

I... Uh...

- No.

- Another lime.

Another place, fellas.

Drop in to my church.

It might do you some good.

- Bye.

- What, that's it?

This is the Devil's Scum

I've heard so much about?

The men who assassinated Hitler.

Who fronted the Tel Offensive?

That's it?

You know what? Just go.

Leave. But I will never

forget this night.

You want to know why?

'Cause this is the night

that I learned about bravery.

And I learned it from

hearing stories about you men.

The Devil's Scum!

Look, my generation.

We have no idea

how good we have it.

OK, we... we... we text

on our smartphones.

We update our statuses

on Facebook.

We... we listen to our music

in the Cloud.

All without realizing

that this world is a safer place

because of men like you.

Men who fought so that kids

like me could be free

lo-lo text and tweet

and "like" and "poke."

OK, you know what I said today?

I said that old people

should be seen and not heard.

- It's true. I heard it.

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