Undercover Grandpa Page #6

I thought it was

very disrespectful.

- Well. I was wrong.

Old people have a lot

to leach my generation.

One thing they don't have to

leach us is how to quit.

'Cause we already

know how to do that.

You know, the Devil's Scum.

You guys look on the world when

the world was a dangerous place.

Well, you know what? The world

is still a dangerous place.

And now more than ever.

We need heroes.

There's a girl

in trouble tonight...

big trouble.

And she needs you.

She needs the Devil's Scum.

So go on.

Leave. Quit.

Do what you want to do.

But I know 2 people

who aren't gonna quit.

Right, Grandpa?

- That's right, son.

- Wrong.

There's 3 of us.

- What do you say, boys?

A chance to go out

on our shields.

Come on.

Wendell?

- As long as I'm home

before breakfast.

Mom's making

chocolate-chip pancakes.

- Nobody pulls us apart.

Not before we break them apart!

- All right.

The sun's coming up.

- Mm-hmm.

- Up jump the Devil, boys.

- Thank you, sir.

You sure you boys

want to be here?

- Well, I'm so scared.

I might pee in my pants.

- Yeah, I'm all in.

I'm loo old for this.

- Mother, you all

clear up there?

- Eagle eye. Two birds

on the roof.

- Cage them all.

All of them.

- Copy that.

Sleep well. soldiers!

Harry,

there's 2 coming towards you.

Don't blow any bubbles, OK?

- Roger that!

Where am I going again?

- The eyes are on.

- Roger.

- It's exposed here.

Watch for me.

- East/south eyes...

are hot.

- Copy that.

Gio. Don't move!

You got a guy coming-

- Hey, zoom out.

- Am I clear?

- Yeah, you're ab' clear:

Now tum off that switch.

- All right. Here I go.

- Eagle Eye! You

ready to fly, brother?

- Oh yeah!

- Hey, it's working.

- It's time...

- Yeah? OK.

What do I do if you need help?

- Um, it'll come to you.

- Hey, Grandpa...

- Yeah?

- Be careful.

- Thanks.

- Whoa! No.

Oh, please!

Don't look down!

Don't look down.

Oh, I looked down.

No! Ah! Oh!

There goes my last kidney.

All right. Got you!

Oh, I gotta get up!

Oh my goodness.

Ah!

- Ah!

It's easier with cartilage.

- OK! Here we go.

Real simple...

Oh, my back!

- Why isn't he

flicking the switch?

- Lord, please protect Lou

so I can kill him myself!

- Gio! Come on.

What the heck's going on?

- Lou, hold on a minute.

A slipped disc.

Ah, two inches.

- Harry?

- Oh!

- Which one of those

tanks did you take?

- The one with the...

The one with the smiley face!

- That's happy gas, you idiot!

- I want you out

of the water right now!

- Come on. come on!

General, there is

some activity in the water.

Something going on down there.

- We might got some troubles.

- Troubles?

- Troubles!

You don't know

that word, "troubles"?

Idiot! You know

that word?

- Idiot. Copy.

- You know that word?

Yeah...

- Hey, hey!

S-s-something's going on.

Looks like the...

The guards have been alerted.

- All right. We'll use that

as a distraction.

Now go!

- Roger that.

OK, they're gone! Ah!

- Hands up.

' Hmm? '

- Turn around!

- Ah!

- Whoo!

- Hmm... Uh...

- How you doing?

- Can one of you guys

help me out of this thing?

Gio! How are you?

- Not so good. You?

- Oh, pretty good.

Not bad.

- Grandpa, they're all busted.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah. Well, I'm not sure about

Mother, but the others are.

What do we do?

- Just stay in that truck, OK?

I want you to stay

in that truck.

Do that for me please, OK?

I'll take care of it.

Grandpa? Grandpa?

We gotta do something.

- We can't fight

the Krakhovians.

We got midterms next week.

What are you doing?

- What does it

look like I'm doing?

Come on...

- No, I...

- Hey, no!

I'm slaying, you're slaying.

- Oh.

Hey, you don't even

know my name, man.

- This?

- Batteries for my pacemaker.

- "Pissmaker"?

- "Pacemaker".

- Pissmaker!

Pissmaker!

I didn't know.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever,

you Krakhovian cabbage.

- Shut!

- You shut!

- You shut!

- Shut you!

- Leave him alone!

- Welcome!

Welcome.

Welcome.

Who are you old men?

- Nobody you'd care to know.

- Nobody! Oh!

"Nobody," says the man

in the green bush.

Hello!

Hey!

And you are here

to do what, huh?

Arrest me? Oh!

What are you

old fools thinking, huh?

Come on, guys.

Is this a joke? Huh?

Is this a joke?

I love jokes. What?

This is

a joke. Come on!

- We're soldiers.

- Oh, Oh!

Is that so? Hmm.

And from what century?

And your commander?

Oh! OK, I see.

All for one and one

for all the old farts, huh?

Oh come on, bunny rabbit!

You don't like that? Ah!

I really hope you guys

wear your old-man diapers.

Hold your fire!

Hold on! Take it easy.

Easy, big guy-

- Ah, thanks, Lou!

Ah!

- Angie, are you all right?

- Who are you?

- Uh, Lou Crawford.

- Wait. What, what.

What, what, what?

What, what, what?

Major Lou Crawford?

The Major Lou Crawford?

- The... Will you slop that?

I'm trying to have

a conversation here.

- Oh. Sorry, Lou.

- Come on!

- Sorry.

- Yeah.

The Major Lou Crawford?

The same Major Lou Crawford

the KGB called...

Canuckian?

- Crazy Canuck. Yeah!

So you know about me, huh?

- I received my military

education in Stalingrad.

Your exploits were

required reading.

- I'm honoured.

- Don't be.

I was sent

to Stalingrad to study

after my father was

killed in action,

by You.

- It's official. We're hosed.

- You probably don't even

know who my father was.

- I pretty much remember

almost everybody I killed.

He wasn't a very nice guy.

- He had a family!

- He had a brother? Sister?

- Younger sister! She teaches.

Uh, children how to swim.

- Mother?

- Of course!

- Well, your father.

He should have thought

of you poor people

before he tried to buy

that enriched uranium

from one of my spies.

- Mmm... I killed

that spy a few years ago.

E-e-excuse me!

You mind if we go and sit down

while you have

your pissing contest?

- Yeah, no, that's all right.

Yeah, it's OK. Yeah.

- Thank you.

- Yeah, I'm good

with that. You?

- Yeah, yes.

- OK. Sure.

- Look, we all know

that you faked your death

and that you're trying to

get out of the country.

So, in the nicest way.

I'm asking you:

Why don't you let

this poor girl go?

- I would hope that

your superiors know.

They helped me plan my escape.

- Maddy...

- Maddy! Maddy...

Yeah, call it a little payback

for all the help I gave ASPIC

in the early '90s.

I helped you take down

the Berlin Wall.

Now you help me get away

from all those, um.

Unpleasant war-crimes trials.

I don't like them!

I don't like those.

You know? You know?

But they just don't know that

I'm going to kill all their men

and leave the country on my own.

But I'm crazy like that!

Crazy like that

Crazy like that

Uh-huh!

Our ride is here.

What does he mean, "our ride"?

- Don't worry.

They can't shoot us here.

It'd leave loo much evidence.

They'll get caught

before they leave.

- Very good, Major.

Man, you still got it.

Or I just shoot you now

and take my chances with ASPIC.

- Oh, aisle seal, please.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes