Unicorn City Page #5

on a mountaintop.

Absolutely.

- I'm this close to getting that job.

- I wish I could go with you.

Listen, I need you to be thinking of

a way to get Shadow Hawk out of here

Before I get back.

All right, yeah, yeah.

Voss. Um...

I, uh...

That's your good side.

All right.

Well, I'll see ya.

She said I should come along,

Maybe use me for some shots.

Oh, boy, we are really

burning daylight.

Okay, that's our mountain

up there,

And let's just blaze a trail

Right up to that tree.

Okay, let's go!

Hut, hut, hike!

Hup, hup, hup! Let's go!

All right! Hurry!

Bob, prep the camera.

I gotta get my notes.

How did we not see that coming?

We're such idiots, man.

Like, there were

no channel numbers on the van.

And then we got in, they're like,

"hey, you want some candy?"

And then we're like, "sure! Take us to an

undisclosed location and dump our bodies."

And then, like, you,

you're all serious...

Shut up! All right?

Shut up! I get it!

- You shut up.

- You know what?

When we get back I want you to get

your crap and get out of the city,

You're banished to the apartment.

Okay, good. Because

this is stupid city!

- Yeah, so go.

- It's hot, and it's... It's...

- It's gross...

- Yeah. Run!

- Run, little kitty, be free!

- I will!

- Okay, great!

- And I'll be free with my sword!

- Don't touch it!

- It's my sword!

- Do not touch the sword!

- Because you stole it!

- Stop it!

- You...

Oh, do it. Oh, I... I would

love for you to do that again.

Don't... Don't...

Sword...

Don't...

Shut up!

Huh?

Get up.

Why don't you be a man?

That's it!

You got it now...

Why don't you be a man?!

I heard my throat crunch.

Clancy, come back, man.

I'm sorry!

Uhh!

Where's Clancy?

You're the only one who stayed.

We're the last ones.

Not exactly.

Um, gunight

actually is still here.

What's up, dude... Ohh!

Yeah.

When we were running low

on t.P., he improvised,

And we think it's poison oak.

What should we do?

I don't know.

Let it air out.

I'm gonna go kill Shadow Hawk.

I talked to him about that,

And he said

he wasn't involved. So I...

I imagine anyone else who would

leave me in the desert to die

For his own amusement.

You don't want to kill anyone.

You don't want to

make a fool out of yourself.

Ohh! Ow!

- Oh, my gosh! Are you okay?

- Stupid mole!

Oh, darny-Darn it!

Are you okay?

Seriously, what's wrong?

No, let me see it.

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

It looked like it really hurt.

I mean, you really twisted it.

Can I do anything?

I learned at girls' camp you

shouldn't take your shoe off.

And maybe we should elevate it?

I'd be more than happy to help

bind it, or... or hold it up.

Hello?

Where are you?

Are you okay?

It's probably really throbbing.

Milady Rashanna.

A challenge has been made fFor

the leadership of unicron city.

- It's unicorn.

- Whoever wins the challenge,

Shall be the leader.

Whoever loses...

Shall be the loser... and

may never come back again.

- Agreed?

- Aye!

I'm gonna club you

like a baby seal.

Since you extended

the challenge, Voss,

I choose the weapon.

I choose wit.

What?

A battle of wits.

- Wits is not a weapon.

- The tongue is mightier than the sword.

Bullcrap! We're gonna do this like men

and beat the hell out of each other!

Under the code of the bardlidans,

to which you are bound,

I may choose the weapon...

And it doesn't state

what manner of weapon.

Am I right, Marsha?

I shall throw down

the gauntlet and go first.

A troll and an elf are walking

down a pebbled path together.

Oh, no.

Story problems.

The troll is carrying

20 pounds of pastries;

The elf has a bundle of

sticks weighing 50 pounds.

Which one will get to the end first?

You have ten seconds.

Tick, tock...

Tick tock, tick...

Tock...

The troll! Because the

troll would eat the elf!

Wrong. Both... Because

the elf is in the troll.

No, it's the troll!

Let's just assume

That story problems are

beyond your cranial capacity,

And we'll move into the ancient

art of maternal insults,

Shall we?

Your mother...

Smokes troll malarkey

in a corncob pipe.

Your mom...

Dated a dragon.

Hmm.

I win!

Now it's time for you to go home

Walk home, walk home you

would all give up your honor

For pancakes and couple of orcs!

No, Voss!

Marsha...

Hold him back!

As rightful leader of unicron city,

I will enact righteous judgment

that Voss be banished!

Do any oppose?

Go!

Are you all right?

Walk away, Voss.

Walk away in shame!

Voss!

Voss.

Magmald and Rashanna's

love can endure this.

Magmald and Rashanna?

This is over.

This was a game to get a job,

And it failed.

I know this is a game,

Voss, I'm not...

I'm talking about us.

We're not a game.

I don't know what you're trying to start

between us through our characters,

But it's not gonna work, okay?

We're not gonna live

happily ever after.

I'm not your knight, I'm

not gonna save you.

What about our kiss?

Our... Our kiss was part of

all this magic and wonder.

So... so you were

just playing a part?

Yeah.

It didn't mean anything?

Right.

Do me a favor.

The next time that you

see your character,

Tell him that I think he's an ass!

I just think I need to leave.

Marsha, you are in no condition

to walk miles back to town.

You suffered blunt-Force trauma!

I need to leave. I just...

No. Marsha, you stood directly

in front of that pipe

Which was aimed at me.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Two.

You see? I was

holding up one.

Now, please allow me

to return the favor.

Hmm? I have a cold pack

inside which we can apply,

And it'll help to bring

down the swelling.

Come! Okay.

Well...

It's very cold.

Really cold?

Ice cold.

Ohh. Okay.

Aaah!

That's it, bro.

I gave you many chances.

You're out of here!

No! No!

You don't show up at the taco shop,

So pack up your stuff,

bro... and go.

Where you goin'?

I'm joining the marines

to get a sword.

- Right.

- Or the national guard or whatever.

Because unlike someone here,

I know what's important.

So you go ahead and leave.

Go get your sword.

You don't get it.

She is in love with you.

- Come on, Clancy. We're friends.

- Oh, just friends.

That makes more sense, because I

thought you were treating her that way

Because you're a big dumb-ass.

But now that I know you're

just friends, that...

- Get out.

- Ya know, one of these days

Someone's gonna come along

and sweep her off her feet...

And then you'll

realize what you had.

I'd wish you good luck, but...

You're probably gonna screw it up.

What, what, what, what?!

Oh, man. Okay,

count of three, right?

One. Sorry, bro.

On there.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Release toxins.

Release the toxins.

The doc is in the house.

There. Good as new.

You all right?

Ohh! Thanks for that.

Hey, uh...

Clancy was right.

About Marsha?

What are these supposed

to do exactly?

Well, I freeze magnets just

for occasions like this.

The cold helps to bring

down the swelling,

And the magnets

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