Urban Legend Page #5

Get in.

- You okay?

- No.

Got a coat right there.

Ain't gonna bite ya.

Just let me out here.

What?

What are you doing?

Please, just let me out.

It won't open from the inside.

Stop that!

What's wrong with you?

Idiot kids.

No!

It's him!

Keep going!

Come on.

Just keep going! Faster!

Hello? Is anybody there?

Help! Can you hear me?

- Hello?

- Somebody help me!

Oh, God!

Somebody help me!

Somebody help me!

He's gonna kill me!

Please! Somebody help me!

Please!

Gotcha!

I must say, Natalie...

you have proved

your friendship to me...

coming all the way out here

to rescue me...

without even a little pepper spray

to defend yourself.

Very endearing.

Excuse me?

I'm sorry, but I can't understand

a thing you're saying, doll.

Now, if I remove the gag...

you have got to promise me...

that you won't scream.

Lord knows I had

enough of that with Sasha.

You're f***ing crazy!

I prefer the term "eccentric"...

but...

yeah...

I guess you could say

I'm a little nutty.

Why?

You still haven't

figured it out, have you?

Well, lucky for you, Miss Thang...

I've got a visual aid.

There I am...

with my boyfriend...

the love of my life.

Have you found the love

of your life yet?

Course not.

You're too self-involved to bother.

Pic ring any bells?

Oh, my God.

His name was David Evans.

The one you and your friend decided

to have a little fun with that night.

David and I

were gonna get married...

that summer...

right after graduation.

He didn't have enough money

to buy me a ring yet so...

he got me this instead...

the night you

took him away from me!

Brenda, I wasn't-

You weren't driving,

but it was your car...

and you were there, Natalie!

Now...

didn't you tell me...

that you were having

a little difficulty...

forgiving yourself?

I thought...

as a friend...

I could help you out

in that department.

Payback's a b*tch!

Isn't it?

Brenda, please,

you need to get help.

I have already tried therapy!

Obviously, it did me no good.

And I must say...

I am kind of enjoying all this...

playing with your

pretty little head.

You used an urban legend

to kill my boyfriend.

And now-

What are you gonna do?

Oh, just my favorite U.L.

The Kidney Heist.

You do know this one, don't you?

Guy gets picked up

by a woman at a bar.

She takes him back to her hotel room.

Fixes him a drink. Boom! Knocked out.

When he wakes up,

he's in a bathtub full of ice...

and he realizes that one of his kidneys

has been removed.

Supposedly they sell them

on the black market.

I don't think

it's ever actually happened though.

Till tonight.

You won't get away with this.

Natalie, of course I will.

I've got the perfect murder...

in the trunk of Paul's car.

- You're sick.

- Professor...

does away with his students,

then kills himself...

in the same manner

as the course he teaches.

It's beautiful.

It's so f***ing clean, isn't it?

Well, enough chat, Nat.

I'm sorry.

I don't have any anesthesia.

I guess you'll just have to bite down

real hard on that gag...

and hope that you go

into shock soon.

Please, don't do this.

Don't you wanna be

an urban legend?

All your friends are now.

Ouch! Stupid b*tch!

I'm really going to enjoy

watching you bleed to death.

Now, is this...

your kidney?

Or is that the liver?

I was always such a dope

in anatomy.

Well, who cares, right?

First organ I see,

I'm just gonna grab it.

Drop the weapon!

Oh, great.

Rent-A-Cop to the rescue.

Put your hands up.

Get up against the wall.

You loony psycho b*tch.

It's all right, sugar.

It's gonna be okay.

Move it!

Don't you move.

Don't you f***ing move.

Sh*t. Bullet through the head.

Not exactly an urban legend,

but in the essence of time.

It's not gonna bring him back.

I know that...

but it will bring

a devastated little Paul...

right into my arms.

I'll have him,

and he'll have his Pulitzer.

What did you think?

I was gonna let you take

two men out of my life?

Very well done.

I couldn't have planned it

better myself.

- Really?

- Yeah.

I mean, I thought I was screwed

after Natalie...

f***ed it up for me

with the dean, but this-

This is just what I need.

A few things though.

I'm listening.

Well...

I need some details...

for my article.

You know, about how Wexler

did each one.

Details only you could give me.

It would be great

for your career.

And we would be

so f***ing hot together.

And I'd be very grateful.

So why don't you give me the gun.

I'll take care of the rest.

You're cute.

But you're not that f***ing cute.

Now, which one of you...

do I kill first?

What, are you gonna shoot me?

Huh?

What kind of friend are you?

Give me the gun.

Come here.

- You all right?

- No.

Thought I'd have to wait

to be a cop...

before a bullet ever hit me.

Just stay down.

- We're gonna go get some help.

- All right. Quick.

Do you think Reese'll be okay?

Reese is gonna be fine.

Paramedics are on the way.

This'll become a legend,

too, you know.

It'll change a little

from person to person, of course.

Brenda will become a guy.

You'll become a cop.

And I'll end up

in some insane asylum.

So if this is an urban legend...

at what point

do we get to the twist?

The river was such a mess

because of the storm...

it washed away the body.

The thing of it is...

they never found a body.

It wasn't there.

- Bullshit.

- It's true.

Happened right here at Ashton.

I swear to God.

That is a stupid story you hear

at every campus in the northeast.

Exactly.

I mean, where's your proof?

Were you even listening?

It all keeps getting covered up.

Think about it.

Who would enroll at Murder U.?

Yeah. And you know what?

Natalie-

she's my old roommate's cousin.

And Brenda's the girl

in that Noxzema commercial.

Look, does anybody here

believe me?

- Not a chance.

- No.

- I believe you.

- Thank you.

But you didn't tell it right.

I didn't?

Not at all.

Okay, listen up, guys...

This is how the story really goes.

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