Vacation Page #3

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my skirt is Daisy-Mabel.

How old are you, little one.

She was born without a tongue, Clark.

But don't worry about her. She whistles

like a bird and eats like a horse.

Take your cousins out back

and show them your worm farm.

Come in the house, Ellen.

I've so much to tell you.

Look at that car!

That's the Family Truckster.

Boy, she's a beaut!

I like those "green walls. "

We had some trouble in St. Louis.

Well, you're looking really...

...fit.

This is your homestead, huh?

Yeah, I don't know for how long, though.

The bank's been after me like

flies on a rib roast.

I know the feeling.

Oh, f*** it!

I bet you could use a cool one?

Now you're talking.

I'm going steady.

And I French kiss.

So? Everyone does that.

Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best.

Want a worm?

No, thanks.

Do you have Pac-Man?

No.

Space Invaders?

No.

Do you have Asteroids?

No, but my dad does.

He can't even sit on the toilet

some days.

What do you do here, Dale?

Well, I have a stack of

nudie books this high.

She's beautiful!

Would you sell me any of them?

Sh*t, no! I cherish them!

And I use them a lot!

How do you use a magazine?

I'll tell you how.

A guy taught me something

really neat, last year.

Have you ever bopped your bologna?

I guess we are 11, right?

No, we are 12 with Aunt Edna.

Aunt Edna? Is she still alive?

You bet!

I can't wait to see the look

on Clark's face when he hears that.

She came to help when

Eddie ruptured his spleen...

...and she's been here ever since.

She wanted to go back

to Phoenix last year...

...but Eddie wouldn't let her.

Without her Social Security,

we'd never be able to live like this.

It looks as though you've really

got your hands full.

Oh, it's not so bad!

Eddie says after the baby comes,

I can quit one of my night jobs.

How do you like yours, Clark?

Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.

No! Your bun! Light or dark?

Either way, it doesn't matter.

Vicki, can I help you

stir that? Please?

I don't know why they call this

Hamburger Helper!

It's just fine by itself.

I like it better than Tuna Helper,

don't you, Clark?

You're the gourmet, Ed.

No meat in this?

You get plenty of meat at home.

Be polite. Have some ketchup.

Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?

Nothing but the best!

Aunt Edna!

Helper's getting cold.

Is that your Aunt Edna?

Aunt Edna! After all these years!

And you look so good!

Hi, Edna! Nice to see you again!

You remember Clark, don't you?

You were the ones who sent me

the fruitcake for Christmas.

It made me so sick!

I'm sorry. We thought

you enjoyed fruitcake.

Do you enjoy throwing up

every five minutes, Claud?

Clark.

Well, am I going to eat

or starve to death?

Catherine?

Did you tell Clark and Ellen

the good news.

No. I was just about to.

What's the good news?

You are driving me to Phoenix!

"Junior Pig Competition"?

You won this trophy for racing a pig?

Yeah. First Place.

Does anyone know about it?

Everyone knows.

Vicki, don't be offended, but being

a farmer is not too cool, you know.

Oh, yeah.

How cool...

...is this?

I'm really glad things

are going well for you.

I was laid off when they

closed that asbestos factory.

The Army cuts my disability pension.

They claimed the plate in my head

wasn't large enough.

Clark and Ellen don't want

to hear about problems.

No, no. It is very interesting.

Why don't you just ask him

for the money, Eddie?

He sure as hell can't take a hint!

Well, I didn't want to ask you, Clark.

Could you, maybe,

spare a little extra cash?

Sure, Eddie!

How much money do you need?

About $52,000.

Good-bye, baby!

You'll send those checks?

It's taken care of.

Okay, let's go. Come on, Edna.

Lay off, lay off!

Well, gotta be going.

What's this?

This is for you, Clark.

Oh, what is it?

A gift.

You didn't have to buy me a gift!

Go on and open it.

Eddie, you shouldn't have.

Those are great, Dad!

Be quiet, Russ.

Try them on.

No, no, I don't want to get them dirty.

I told you he wouldn't like them!

I love them.

I knew you did because

the last time I saw you, Clark...

...you remarked about

how much you liked mine.

I guess we better be going.

Here he is, Uncle Clark,

all walked and everything.

What is this? A dog?

He's Aunt Edna's dog, Dinky.

He watches "Family Feud. "

How are you, little fellow?

You didn't get to meet Dinky last night.

He had the shits,

so he slept in the barn.

Great. I'll make some space

for him in the back.

No! Sit, sit!

Roll over! Heel!

Here. Have a good trip.

Thanks a lot.

"I found out long ago

"It's a long way down a Holiday Road

"Holiday Road!

"Holiday Road! "

Look at these sandwiches.

Here, Aunt Edna.

Thank you.

Rusty, stop playing with the dog

and come and eat your lunch.

You're favorite, bologna and cheese.

"I've had some lonely nights

"And I'll admit I cried sometimes

"Cause you were out of my life

"But then you called my name

"And you came back again

"I feel so inspired

"Kissing your lips of fire

"Little boy sweet, little boy sweet

"Sweet little boy of mine

"Come a little closer

"I want to show you

"What's on my mind

"Here in the night, here in the night

"Here in the night, together

"I want to show you

"Love so... warm and tender!"

Mom, my sandwich is wet!

They're all wet...

The dog went on the picnic basket!

"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick

"Going to take a ride

to the West Coast, kids

"Holiday Road!

"Holiday Road!

"Holiday Road!

"Holiday Road! "

Russ, look!

Excellent! They have a pool!

Aren't the woods beautiful?

Clark! Dinky needs

a long walk and a bath.

Rusty, take care of Dinky.

Dad, he bites!

Bite him back!

We would like three tents, please.

All right. That'll be $37.

$37 for three tents?!

They're very nice tents.

The price includes

scenery and wildlife fun.

This seems like a nice place,

and it has a pool.

All right.

Would you fill that out?

Clark W. Griswold.

Do you want my address?

Please.

What do you need my address for?

We like to send out mailers.

- I can't wait to get in!

- Me, too.

Let's go get our bathing suits.

Disgusting!

You're too cheap to pay

for a hotel room.

Oh, Clark, this tent smells.

Edna, this is your tent.

This isn't very romantic.

I don't think there's enough room

for two in this sleeping bag.

Right now, we're one.

One heart beating for two.

Sparky, there's a wild animal.

Yes.

I know, I'm going for it, honey.

Get off!

Down! Go!

I'm sorry, honey. It's Dinky.

I'll kill that dog!

What do you say, honey?

In spite of the problems,

it's fun isn't it?

No!

But with each new day there's new hope.

Kids, let's go!

We're losing daylight.

Did you walk him?

He took a big one

on Aunt Edna's blanket.

Good boy.

Help!

Go take care of Aunt Edna.

I'll take the leash.

Roll over, Dinky!

You're tearing my flesh!

Good morning, Edna.

Audrey, you're next.

No way, Jos!

What's the problem?

I had to sit next to Aunt Edna

last time. She smells like mothballs!

It's her turn.

For your information, Rusty slept

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