Vamp Page #3

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- Oh, look yourself!

I love you! No, I love you!

Say, babe, what time do you get off?

- 2:
30.

- Can I watch?

All right! Anybody want to claim

this lush? Going once, going twice...

- We've been looking for you!

- Hey, Snowball, how's it hanging?

- Sh*t!

- Come on!

- Hey, what's that?

- Nothing!

Over there!

Hello, baby! Got you now!

Come on, boy!

Don't you want to join the party?

Come on boy! Come on!

Better get used to it, scumbag.

All this for a f***ing fraternity.

Well now,

where's your mamma, little girl?

Hey, I found my friend!

- Snow! There he is!

- Sh*t!

Hey! Are you still here?

AJ!

Jesus.

Hey! Stop! Help!

Wait! Stop!

Emergency operator,

may I help you?

I'II take care of the cops.

I'll tell them a story like

I always do.

They won't follow up.

They don't care what

happens down here!

Have you given any more

thought to my idea?

A club! ln Vegas!

New blood! New blood.

See, they're all tourists.

I hear that clubs

are very hot right now in Vegas.

We'd do very nicely!

All right!

L'Il do something.

Vlad, bring the trash back in here!

A nasty habit.

Nasty.

Hey, where have you been?

I've been making progress.

The police!

Did they get here yet?

Jesus Christ, AJ's dead.

Stay here.

It's occupied.

There's somebody in.

Relax will you,

it was just a joke!

I thought you...

You a**hole!

You scared the sh*t out of me,

you know that?

- Relax, will you?

- Relax?

You were dead.

You were in a dumpster!

I thought Snowflake had killed you!

You see, I was rolled,

anyone can have an off night!

Off night? We're out of here.

You! There's some uniformed

gentlemen in the back to see you.

- Look, I found my friend, Ok.

- Yeah?

- He looked dead.

- He looks real dead to me!

It was in the garbage that...

Your friend apparently

likes to flash his money around.

In this neighbourhood,

that makes him a meal ticket.

Tell me about it!

I am a meal ticket. I should know!

- Look, I just think...

- No, you look.

Now my stomach's all upset, thanks

to you and your dead friend here.

This is not a nice area,

and I don't like coming to it.

So before I lock you up, I want all

three of you out of here, go home!

- I've been trying to for the past...

- Now!

Officer, why don't

I escort you out personally.

L know you like to catch

the last act, am I right?

Hey, guys, if you don't mind,

I'm going to catch the last act.

We'll see you out there

in a few minutes!

I promise you'll never see us

in this neighbourhood again, officer.

I'm pissed at you.

They treat you real good here.

We can forget about the fraternity.

Why don't we just go back home?

- What's the rush?

- AJ, give me a break will you?

Would you calm my friend down

here please?

I've been telling him for years

to relax.

I'm fine,

let's just get out of here. Please.

That's not fair.

Come on.

Wait!

L didn't think you had it in you.

Looks like you discovered

the only way out of here, pal!

What the hell are you talking about?

The club! Everyone here, man,

they're vampires!

Can't let you leave.

We got a problem here.

Yeah? Why don't we go home?

We'll call a doctor or something.

You don't get it do you? Home is

a million miles away from me now.

Home's another planet!

I'm a f***ing zombie now!

I mean, look at me!

Watch out, man!

You want to know

how bad things are?

L love you, Keith.

But all I can see right now is food.

And I'm starving.

You carry my next meal

around with you in your veins!

They got me,

they got me real good.

Ok, why don't you take

what you need for now?

You know, to get you through.

That's too much, you're so nice!

Do I look like a mosquito? No.

L can't be trusted, buddy!

Will you look at my clothes?

They're ruined!

Do I look real bad?

You know, it's just like the movies!

You can't see yourself.

There's no reflection.

It's weird.

No pill's going to cure my ill

Jesus, you're really going to do it

aren't you?

You're going to kill me.

- AJ, do me a favour.

- For old times' sake?

Sure, buddy. Anything.

Anything at all.

No. Not anything.

Just one thing.

Make sure I don't come

back like you, Ok?

Hey, you think I like this?

Or them? They're boring creeps!

They're not called

walking dead for nothing!

Try talking to one of them

sometime!

L am!

Come on man, just take me out!

Just kill me.

I can't go on like this.

- AJ, I...

- Come on!

- Sh*t!

- You can't, can you?

Even though you know I'm one,

you can't!

It does work, you know. The fire,

the wooden stakes, the sunlight!

I've got a list right here somewhere...

You're ready to die for me

aren't you?

Because you can't believe

I'm not me any more.

Maybe there's something left,

huh?

Jesus Christ, maybe there is! No.

Sorry, pal.

Now get lost fast, go on!

Remember, you can burn or keep

them from their coffins past sunrise.

I think you know the other one.

Last call, gentlemen, last call.

Hope you enjoyed the show.

Don't forget our single man's special,

all you can drink for a dollar.

Come along, you drink yourselves

into another world.

Hey! We're leaving.

That's not fair, I only had

to promise him $50!

Now! I'll explain later.

Guys!

Excuse me, there seems to be

a little problem with your bill!

When it clears out,

why don't you and me go in the back

and handle it personally?

Call the police!

These people are all vampires!

That doesn't make them bad people!

- Listen, AJ's dead!

- Again?

Vampires!

Don't think you're going

to get away with this.

Of course! Do you know

how many people disappear

off the face of the earth every year?

Not thousands! Tens of thousands.

- You're a statistic, kid.

- Why did you pick on us?

It was a mistake, Ok? It was

a little communication error. I'm sorry.

We'll be missed.

They'll come looking for us.

Who did you tell

that you were coming here?

Nobody tells anybody

when they come to a joint like this!

Quite a racket, huh?

See, I run an essential service here.

Waste disposal.

Look around, look who comes here.

The sickies, the degenerates,

the forlorn, the lost, the lowlifes,

the f***ing dregs of humanity

wind up here,

and we take care of them!

It costs you nothing.

Yeah, just my best friend.

Hey, nobody's perfect,

I do the best I can,

with what I got.

Your self-pity makes me sick.

You know that?

Listen kid, I used to own this club.

You know who worked here?

Louis Preeman, Buddy Gregor,

Phil Harris, class.

Wait a second,

where are you going?

What are you trying to do?

Get out of here?

Why? There's more of us out there!

Oh yeah! So where are you going?

Here, there...

We're everywhere.

Can I ask you something?

You ever been to Vegas?

Hey, how about you buying

me and my friends a last round?

Kind of a last request.

Like they do in Vegas!

They do that in Vegas?

That's classy! Sure.

Excuse me! Give this gentleman

whatever he wants.

Give me a... brandy!

Make it three.

Make them doubles. Triples!

Hell, leave the whole bottle

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