Vamps Page #8

an epidemic of cholera

in lower Manhattan.

It was a painful

and degrading death.

My husband and sisters

had all passed.

But, miraculously,

my children were fine.

Not to be indelicate,

but I had digestive rumblings

that I knew were

the early symptoms,

and orphans did not fare well

in those days.

So did your kids survive?

My son lived

to the ripe old age of 63.

And my daughter

married Peter Meester,

and lived to be 99.

Unprecedented at the time.

Well, not many elderly people

had strong young mothers

to look out for them.

After the grandchildren,

it would've been hard

to stay in their lives

and not scare them.

- Did you get that?

- Got it.

You know, the only surefire

way is to behead her.

Everything else might

just piss her off.

And when Cisserus is dead,

Stacy will be a normal girl.

Normal for Stacy.

But, what happens

to you, then?

I saved my kids.

Let's go save yours.

Here you go.

Here's your family tree.

Your living descendants.

A great-great-great-great grandson.

A drug addict.

Incarcerated.

Four doctors.

One in Doctors Without Borders.

Two professors,

four teachers,

and in the House

of Representatives,

Jane Rutherford,

who chairs several committees.

She looks like you.

Thank you.

All right,

leave the guns.

Bring the axes,

hatchets, blades.

All right, let's go get

this dried up b*tch.

Well, I don't go

to those places much, either.

But it just shows you can meet

someone really nice.

Well, I never go

to those places, so...

I can't believe

I met you, though.

- You are beautiful.

- You're so sweet.

- Would you like to sit?

- Oh, would I?

- Nice here.

- Isn't it?

Oh.

Isn't your wife

worried about

where you are so late?

She's on a trip and what she

don't know won't hurt her.

Aren't you a bad boy?

I can be very bad.

So what does a dirty boy

like you do for a living?

I'm a dentist.

You're a dentist?

What a lucky break.

Because I have something

I'm really concerned about.

Can I show you?

I've never seen anything

like that in my...

- Oh, no! No!

Run!

Get out of here!

You a**hole.

Let's go.

You bad girls.

I am very

disappointed in you.

After all

I've done for you,

this is how you pay me back?

Are you okay?

Who treats

their stem like this?

Those needed gunpowder!

Duck!

Oh, my God.

We did it.

No. You guys, we have

to get her into the tomb.

- Help me.

- Okay, okay.

Argh.

When did my ass

get so flat?

Can I just say... ow!

Wait... what are we gonna do

about the body?

Oh, it'll die in a minute.

Where were you?

What? You asked me

to get a chainsaw.

I get halfway here

and realize it needs gasoline.

Do you know where to get gasoline

at 4:
00 in the morning?

Why didn't you get it

where you got the saw?

Because I thought

you plugged them in.

What am I, a lumberjack?

In the forest,

you're plugging things in?

- Yes, like a hairdryer or a...

- Joey!

- Come on, come on!

Come on! Come on!

I don't believe this.

- Hurry!

- Hurry.

Okay, close it.

- Whoa.

- Okay, let's go.

You feel anything?

No.

Wait.

That's it?

You've aged 20 years?

Well, I didn't drink, smoke,

do drugs, or sunbathe.

Oh, well, maybe your genes

just aren't as good.

But with Botox

and laser resurfacing...

Don't tell me you lied

about your age.

Oh, come on.

Who the hell names their kid

Goody anymore?

You won't get

any older, will you?

It's okay.

I've been around

long enough.

I'm tired.

I should've known.

Every time I turned on

the History Channel,

all I saw was stuff

about Hitler.

Don't be sad. I was gonna go

into the sun before I met you.

You showed me

how to have fun.

Is there anything you want?

Yes.

I don't wanna be here.

I want to be

in the center of things.

Let's go.

You all right?

You all right?

How do you feel?

Hungry.

How about one of those

pretzel things?

Joey, can you go get

one of those pretzel things?

- Of course.

- Thanks.

Goody. Goody.

Oh, my God.

Oh!

Hey, I saw that.

What? She looked at me.

I wasn't doing anything.

Need I remind you

that I gave you

- the best years of my life?

- Best years of my life.

Yeah, and I'm not talking

five, 10 years here.

We're talking infinity.

Do you have any idea

what that's like?

I'm starting to get an idea.

All right, Goody. Watch this.

Too frightening.

Is it too frightening?

Bleh!

Well, you got

Grandpa that time.

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