Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj Page #8

We take transgressions most seriousIy.

So it is I must inform you

that you're aII expeIIed.

I stoIe the exam.

-GETHIN:
Sir, that's ridicuIous.

-Quiet, Gethin, this is how it must be.

I don't know the first thing

about EngIish history,

so how couId I have expected my students

to pass an exam.

I admit it was a weak moment.

But it was my weak moment, not theirs.

WeII, you understand that this wouId

mean your immediate expuIsion.

Yes.

I onIy ask that you not penaIize

my students for something

for which I'm cIearIy to bIame.

They aII have to be expeIIed.

They've aIready seen the exam.

I don't see why the entire house

shouId be penaIized

for Mr. Ba...

(STAMMERING)

ALL:
BadaIandabad!

-Thank you.

-Oh, yes.

WeII, for his transgressions.

We'II give them an oraI exam.

If they pass, they're back in.

If not, weII, they're out.

PIP:
Fine.

But meanwhiIe, Mr. BadaIandabad,

we accept your expuIsion.

Wait. CharIotte, Iet me expIain.

I've heard more than enough, thank you.

I cannot beIieve we bought in

to aII of your nonsense.

But...

Those kids idoIized you. I admired you.

But the joke's on aII of us, isn't it?

Because you're nothing but a cheat.

Look, I didn't mean to hurt anybody, okay?

-If you wouId just Iet me expIain...

-No.

The road to heII is paved

with good intentions, isn't it?

Good day, Mr. BadaIandabad.

(AFTERMA TH PLAYING)

MAN:
We aII know why we're here.

Let's begin.

(WOMAN GROANlNG)

Come on, baby. Come on.

Daddy's Ieaving soon.

Oh, you wanna give it to me, don't you?

Come on.

I'm trying a different tactic here, baby.

I'm trying to be nice to you.

You don't Iike it nice, do you,

you IittIe whore?

-Hey, guys. How did it go?

-WOMAN:
Oh, baby.

WeII, Iook, the important thing

is that you tried, aII right? It...

WeII, Iook, the important thing

is that you tried, aII right? It...

You passed?

-Oh, you passed.

-Yeah!

(ALL YELLING)

What's wrong, Gethin?

Oh, weII, this is aII thanks to you, sir.

And as soon as you Ieave tomorrow,

we're going to get sIaughtered

in the Hastings Cup.

Oh, pIease, Gethin.

That's absoIuteIy ridicuIous.

This is aII thanks to you guys.

You know, I had a feeIing

that you guys wouId pass,

so I prepared some Iibations.

Now, you guys were outcasts

when you got here,

and you showed those priviIeged

snotbags that you were their better.

And because of your hard work,

Camford, one of the finest institutions

in the worId, is now yours.

And it's time you get out there,

and kick some Fox and Hounds ass,

and win the Hastings Cup.

-To the Cock and BuIIs.

-To the Cock and BuIIs.

Oh, come on, this again.

-To the Cock and BuIIs!

-To the Cock and BuIIs!

(BELLS TOLLING)

Taj MahaI, beta, cheer up a IittIe.

You wiII find another schooI

which wiII make you happy.

Dad, I'm reaIIy, reaIIy sorry

that I disappointed you.

I just wanted to foIIow in

your Iegendary footsteps.

Did I not teII you about your stories,

DiIip, huh?

TeII him.

Taj, I may have toId you

a sIight stretching of the truth.

I'm afraid I was never a member

of the Foxes and Hounds.

What?

But aII those stories?

Wait. The ones about being the

suItan of snatch are true, though, right?

That wouId be a fine thing.

He's Iucky to even find it.

More Iike the suItan of spIat.

One must admit, it can be somewhat

difficuIt to Iocate at times.

Hang on. Hang on.

Why were you not in

the Foxes and Hounds?

I thought I was accepted.

But when I arrived,

there had been some sort of mistake.

A typographicaI error, they said.

You're kidding.

It's okay, beta.

Maybe this university is not the pIace

for us BadaIandabads.

Come. Let's go home.

Can you guys pIease give me

a few minutes aIone?

Haan, beta. Of course. Chalo.

We wiII wait outside.

Guess I won't be needing

that goIf cart, Van.

-How fast does that goIf cart go?

-What are you doing here?

There's no time. I'II expIain on the way.

Welcome everybody to

the final competition for the Hastings Cup.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

Now, only two teams

have accrued enough points

to compete in the final event.

The Fox and Hounds,

and the Cock and Bulls.

Fox and Hounds, who will represent you?

I wiII.

Cock and Bulls, who will represent you?

I wiII.

(PEOPLE GASPING)

What are you doing here?

You've been expeIIed.

I'm afraid Mr. Everett's correct.

OnIy current students are...

Provost Cunningham, I think

you'II find a reinstatement is in order.

-CharIie, have you Iost your senses?

-Quite the opposite.

If you Iook cIoseIy at this photo,

you'II see that a woman

is hoIding the stoIen exam papers.

Which means it couIdn't have been Taj.

He was just heIping his friends.

Don't just stand there, young man.

You've got a competition to compete in.

Cheers.

ALL:
Cock and BuIIs!

En garde.

Point, Fox and Hounds.

-Okay, he is good.

-You're not concentrating.

Every time, he attacks from his Ieft

and exposes his chest,

that's when you attack.

HeIIo. I'm trying.

But his Iightning-fast bIows

make it a IittIe bit difficuIt.

-Oh, our first fight.

-Just go.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

PROVOST:
Point, Cock and BuIIs.

-That was great. Got any more advice?

-Yeah.

Note taken.

You know, I think

I'm finaIIy starting to scare him.

(CROWD GASPS )

Somebody has some anger issues.

Let's settIe this Iike my ancestors did,

shaII we?

-You want to expIoit me economicaIIy?

-No.

-First bIood.

-First bIood?

Come on, Paki, it's your chance to stick it

to the British aristocracy.

Pip, stop it.

Pip, I hate to pry,

but do you think

your sword obsession is over...

Overcompensation for your shortcomings!

VioIence doesn't soIve anything, b*tch.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

I'm sorry!

No, I'm not.

Gethin.

Thank you.

Oh, sh*t.

I don't think you get it, Raji.

We don't want you here.

If we weren't here, who wouId tend to

your fossiI gardens and serve you tea

whiIe you pretend to be important,

you goron?

I'm sure I'd survive, Raji.

Can't say the same about you.

You are pompous,

you're racist, you're sexist

and dress Iike a dance instructor

on a cruise ship.

Looks Iike it's curtains for you, Raji.

Good idea, Pip.

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

Up and over.

Oh, my God. Pip, that was fantastic.

How did you do that?

WeII, I work out, I train.

You got to eat right...

This is becoming rather tiresome.

(WHISPERS ) Go for the Rathbone.

The Rathbone. Very impressive.

But bad news. I taught it to her.

Time to meet your ancestors, Haji.

Oh, yeah?

Perhaps you'd Iike to meet yours.

No!

Father!

(PEOPLE EX CLAIMING)

And the name is Taj.

PROVOST:
Point and match, Mr. Ba...

(STAMMERING)

ALL:
BadaIandabad!

Somebody pIease get me a Tidy Wipe.

CongratuIations, young man.

CongratuIations.

Ladies and gentIemen,

Ladies and gentIemen,

I give you this year's winners,

the Cock and BuIIs,

winners of this year's Hastings Cup.

Hooray!

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

My father donates miIIions of pounds

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