Victoria & Abdul Page #2

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with the Diamond of Ooojay.

Garden party where

Her Majesty will receive

Oscar II, King of

Sweden and Norway, again.

And Queen Lili'uokalani.

Who on Earth is she?

A monarch and

sole Queen Regnant

of the Kingdom of Hawaii,

Your Majesty.

She has composed

a song for you.

On the ukulele.

But we have managed

to put her off.

Then you will eat with the

Prime Minister, and, at 7:00,

the banquet in

the State Dining Room.

And your movements,

Your Majesty?

Nothing to speak of,

Dr. Reid.

Not even during the day?

We last moved on

Sunday evening.

I fear these

celebratory dinners

are taking their toll,

Your Majesty.

Might I suggest

some Benger's mixture?

I refuse to eat Benger's.

It's baby food.

But it is imperative,

Your Majesty,

that the Royal colon

receives a little roughage.

Anything else?

SIR HENRY:
Was Your Majesty

pleased with the Mohur?

What?

The Mohur.

The ceremonial coin.

Presented by the

two Indian servants.

I thought the tall one

was terribly handsome.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(GRUNTS)

Stop!

Slight change of plan.

You must not talk

to any of the guests.

Nod or bow,

but, please,

do not interact with anybody

other than the serving staff.

I will come to you

when the Queen is seated,

and you will present the

Royal pudding as requested.

Excuse me, sir...

But what is it?

That is a jelly.

A pudding made from

the liquor of fruit.

How do they get it so stiff?

Gelatine,

a by-product of cow bone.

(SPEAKING URDU)

LORD SALISBURY:
There's

another famine in India.

More trouble in Ireland,

I'm afraid.

Suez is a perennial nightmare.

And I'm afraid

the Boers are at it again.

Is there any good news,

Prime Minister?

Well, we've decided to

annex Zululand, Your Majesty.

Whatever for?

We really have to box in the

Boers if we possibly can.

Oh, Prime Minister, you really

are terribly depressing.

Yes.

Ah, sandwiches! Mm!

MAN:
Splendid!

That's wonderful.

(GASPING) Oh!

Splendid!

Jelly, Your Majesty.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

I suddenly feel

a great deal better.

What the hell

were you thinking?

You said,

"Present the jelly," sir.

I didn't say kiss the feet

of the Empress of India!

I thought it

would cheer her up.

Cheer her up?

They'll have me

court-martialed!

What on Earth

is going on?

Her Majesty has requested

Mr. Karim and Mr. Baksh

be her personal footmen

for the rest of the Jubilee.

(SPEAKING URDU)

Ah, gentlemen.

You can wait here by the door.

Her Majesty wants you to stand

in here, by the writing desk.

Go on.

Thank you.

You may go.

Oh, thank you,

Your Majesty.

Don't worry.

I'm not going to eat you.

(QUEEN VICTORIA CLEARS THROAT)

"Dr. Reid,

"a very successful movement

"at 8:
00 this morning."

What the hell is

going on in there?

(SIGHS)

Thank you, Mr...

Abdul.

Abdul Karim.

I am always writing.

In India, I'm writing

all day, every day.

So in India,

you are not a servant?

No. In India, I'm writing

in my very big book.

You're writing a book?

Yes. I'm writing every name,

who they are, what they have done.

This is my life.

Every day, I'm writing,

from morning to night.

And is this fiction?

No.

It is the very truth.

I don't understand.

If you are an author,

why are you here?

Presenting me with a...

The Mohur.

It is my humble privilege

to serve Her Majesty.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

I was the one who

chose your carpets.

Carpets?

Yes. The Viceroy asked Mr. Tyler,

sir, but actually it was me.

You have to have a very

good eye for the carpets.

Like, this is a very

nice one, for example.

Very, very tight knots.

The art of carpets

came to India from Persia

with the great Emperor Akbar.

The skill of a carpet

is to bring all the different

kinds of threads together

and weave something

we can all stand on.

You seem to know

a great deal about it.

My family were

carpet makers,

but now I write in the book.

Life is like a carpet.

We weave in and out

to make a pattern.

That is a very

beautiful image.

Look.

Here is the bird of freedom

caught forever in the design.

So, in India you are a poet?

No.

In India, I make

a ledger of the prisoners.

We are all prisoners,

Mr. Karim.

Apparently, he's a poet.

(GASPS)

(SPEAKING URDU)

These people

are the exploiters

of a quarter of

all of mankind.

Do you really think they

give a hoot about us, huh?

We'll bloody well

freeze to death at this rate.

Cut all the nicey-nicey crap,

and let's get the hell out of here.

Agreed?

I promise.

Good night.

Will you stop doing that?

You realize

this is the third day

in a row.

QUEEN VICTORIA:
So, Mr. Abdul,

may I ask what part

of India you're from?

I'm from Agra.

The Taj Mahal?

You have been

to the Taj Mahal?

No.

It is the most

marvelous building

in the entire world,

Your Majesty.

The Crown of Palaces.

It was built by Shah Jahan

to remember his dead wife

who died at childbirth

during their fourteenth child.

Goodness!

He was so upset with grief,

he brought the greatest architects

from Persia, Afghanistan,

to build the Taj Mahal.

It certainly sounds

a handsome building.

I'd very much

like to see it.

Oh, it is beautiful,

Your Majesty!

It's all white marble.

All that beauty

for the dead Queen.

Mmm. How romantic.

ABDUL:
Shah Jahan also

built the Red Fort,

the Gardens of Shalimar,

the Peacock Throne.

The Peacock Throne?

It is the most beautiful

throne in all the world.

And inside the throne

was the Koh-i-noor.

But I have the Koh-i-noor.

I wear it as a brooch.

Do you?

Yes!

It wasn't very shiny,

so Albert had it recut.

What happened to

the Peacock Throne?

They smashed it up.

How awful.

They're always

smashing things up.

The British soldiers have taken

the jewels from the Taj Mahal.

British soldiers?

Yes, after the Mutiny.

But this is terrible.

What can they

be talking about?

A servant and an Indian.

What on Earth

does she see in him?

Well, he is

rather handsome.

What happened

to Shah Jahan?

He was overthrown by his son

and died in Agra Fort.

The wickedness of children.

They buried him in the Taj

Mahal with his wife, Mumtaz.

They also wrote

an inscription.

"Here lies Shah Jahan

"who left this world for

the Banquet Hall of Eternity."

"The Banquet

Hall of Eternity."

I rather like that idea.

You seem very well

informed.

Ah, these are famous

stories of Uttar Pradesh.

You should go there.

Oh, I can never go there.

I'm forbidden.

Forbidden?

They fear I would

be assassinated.

So, you have never

seen an Indian street?

Or a stall of spices?

No.

Oh...

Oh, the spices!

Cumin, coriander,

garam masala.

Garam masa...

What is garam masala?

It is what you

put into the sauce.

You have never

tasted Indian food?

Dal? Rogan josh?

Biryani with mango chutney.

Mango chutney?

(CHUCKLES)

Chutney made out of mango.

What is mango?

Mango is the queen of fruit.

What does it taste like?

Like an orange

and a peach.

Hm.

Sir Henry,

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