Victoria & Abdul Page #3

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I would like a mango.

A mango?

Yes, I would like

to taste a mango.

That's impossible,

Your Majesty.

They only grow in India.

Well, I'm Empress of India,

so have one sent.

Here!

Your Majesty?

Oh!

Thank you.

Another one.

Thank you.

How do you like

your new Scottish costumes?

They're very scratchy,

Your Majesty.

Everything in Scotland

is scratchy.

Sir Henry?

When does Bertie arrive?

Tomorrow,

Your Majesty.

He's on his way

from Monte Carlo.

It's all right for her.

She's upholstered.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

Oh, God, I hate Scotland!

(BAGPIPES PLAYING)

Ah...

You must be the Hindus!

Very nice to meet you.

You must be the Hindus.

You must be the Hindus.

More, more! More! More.

(BAGPIPES RESUME PLAYING)

I wish she'd

bloody well go to bed.

(SCATTERED CONVERSATIONS)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(CONVERSATIONS QUIET DOWN)

SIR HENRY:

Good morning, Your Majesty.

The boxes, Your Majesty.

Thank you.

And the blank journal

Your Majesty requested.

You may go.

I'm perfectly capable

of working through the boxes.

Abdul is very helpful

with his blotter.

But these are parliamentary

papers, Your Majesty.

I'm aware of that.

But Abdul is a servant.

He cannot assist

with the boxes.

And I am the Queen of England.

I will have whatever help

I require with the boxes.

And, Sir Henry,

would you get some

gloves for the Hindus?

They're suffering

terribly from the cold.

He's helping her

with the boxes.

I want you to teach me Indian.

Indian?

Hindu, or whatever

it is you speak.

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure.

But why would you like to

learn Hindi, Your Majesty?

Well, I'm Empress of India.

Look, I've ordered a book.

I want you to give me

private lessons.

I can't teach you Hindi,

Your Majesty.

Why ever not?

You are the

Empress of India.

You should learn Urdu,

language of the Mughals.

There are a thousand

languages in India.

But Urdu is the most noble.

In Hindi,

you write like this.

But in Urdu,

you write like this.

(SPEAKING URDU)

"I am the Queen."

I see.

(BOTH SPEAKING URDU)

He's teaching her Hindu.

Is that allowed?

(CLEARS THROAT)

I think you will

find it is Urdu.

The Muslim version.

Oh, my goodness me!

(SPEAKING URDU)

That's it.

You are the Queen.

The Queen is very wise.

(CLEARS THROAT)

You see?

Now, you write it down.

(BOTH SPEAKING URDU)

She's writing

in her journal.

And she's speaking

in Hindustani.

No, it's Urdu,

actually.

The Muslim version.

(SPEAKING URDU)

Knee. Knee. Knee.

Yes! Yes!

(SPEAKING URDU)

Thank you, Abdul.

You are an excellent teacher.

(GASPING)

Bertie!

Mother!

Were you spying on me?

Were you learning Urdu?

Yes, I was,

as a matter of fact.

You think that's

entirely appropriate?

Well, I'm Empress of India.

What could be more appropriate?

But in front of

the entire Household?

You're absolutely right.

I have no privacy here.

Sir Henry,

I would like to go with Abdul

to Glassalt Shiel.

Glassalt Shiel?

Alone.

But I've only just got here!

Oh, to be by oneself and live a

simple, rudimentary existence.

They don't

understand anything,

those stupid

aristocratic fools.

Toadying around.

Jockeying for position.

I've had it

all my life.

(SCOFFING CHUCKLE)

They couldn't bear me bringing

dear John Brown here.

Yet I was happier here than

anywhere in the entire world.

Oh, I miss him, Abdul.

And Albert.

It's 30 years now,

and I think of him every day.

I'm so lonely.

Everyone I've really loved has died,

and I just go on and on.

(SNIFFLES)

(SOFTLY) Your Majesty.

It's an impossible

position.

(INHALES)

No one really knows what

it's like to be Queen.

(EXHALES)

I'm hated by millions of

people all over the world.

I have had nine children,

all vain and jealous,

and at loggerheads

with each other.

And Bertie's

a complete embarrassment.

And look at me!

A fat, lame, impotent,

silly old woman.

What is the point, Abdul?

What is the point?

Service.

Service?

I think we are not here

to worry about ourselves.

We are here for

a greater purpose.

In the Koran it says, "We are

here for the good of others."

The Koran?

Yes, I am a hafiz.

I know the Koran by heart.

By heart?

Isn't it very long?

114 surahs,

containing 6,236 verses.

And you know every word?

Many Muslim people

know the Koran.

I thought you were Hindu.

I am a Muslim, Your Majesty.

I learnt the Koran

from my father.

He's my munshi.

Munshi?

Yes. Munshi.

My teacher.

Well, we would like you

to be the Queen's munshi.

But I'm only a servant,

Your Majesty.

A servant cannot be a munshi.

Well, you are

a servant no longer.

You are my teacher.

You will teach me Urdu,

and the Koran,

and anything else

you can think of.

BERTIE:
So...

What the hell is a munshi?

Well, apparently it's some

sort of a spiritual teacher,

Your Royal Highness.

Has she completely

lost her mind?

She's the head of the Church

of England, for God's sake.

What's the Archbishop

of Canterbury going to say?

I say he's the "brown"

John Brown.

Oh, my God!

Your Majesty.

Good evening, Bertie.

Mother.

(SPEAKING URDU)

HEAD WAITER:

Dinner is served!

BERTIE:
Lady Churchill

was absolutely scandalized

sitting next to a servant.

And a Hindu to boot!

The Munshi is a Muslim scholar and

knows the Koran off by heart.

And for your information,

he's a servant no longer.

He's to be given

a staff of his own.

What do you mean,

"a staff"?

The little fat one.

Oh, this is absurd!

Letters,

invitations to supper...

You're treating him

like a member of the family.

No, I like Abdul.

Lady Churchill had

better get used to the fact

as the Munshi is

coming on holiday with us.

As a member

of the Household.

You can't take

a Muslim to Florence.

I can take a Muslim

wherever I like.

Good night, Bertie.

(TRAIN HORN HOOTING)

MOHAMMED:
Munshi?

Yes.

A spiritual advisor?

You haven't

an idea in your head!

You promised to

get us out of here,

and now we're going

to bloody Florence.

You don't see what a privilege it

is to see the glories of Italy

with all these

wonderful people.

You complete bloody idiot!

Do you think they're just going to

stand there and let her promote a wog?

I did not come here

to carry your bloody cases.

What are you

complaining about?

We have our own carriage

with a bathroom.

They've made a very nice bed

for you on the floor.

(BLOWS NOSE)

Oh, I'm dying here.

I want to go home.

I'm getting sick of

your negative attitude.

Life is a big adventure.

You just need to

open up and enjoy it.

We're on holiday.

And what? What on Earth

can possibly go wrong?

"Do not pull."

(TRAIN HALTING)

(WHISTLE BLOWING

IN DISTANCE)

I would like to apologize for the

emergency brakes, Your Majesty.

And I hope you

did not get injured.

Oh, Abdul!

It was nothing.

It was a perfectly

understandable mistake.

I'm so glad you're with us.

What a treat to show you Florence.

What's he doing here?

Abdul came to explain

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