Video Vixens Page #7

What else is there?

Joe, I got an

APB on the rapist.

Yeah?

They're twins.

Joe, what's an APB?

I don't know.

August 18th, midnight.

We found the turnip

twins in one of Los

Angeles sleaziest hotels.

They were twins, identical.

There were unarmed, so to speak.

I dunno, Sergeant.

I sort of thought we can get

all the p*ssy we wanted if we

just synchronized our clocks.

Your what?

Clocks?

Like, who would believe it?

Girls getting simultaneously

raped by the biggest cock

in Hollywood?

I thought it up.

Why'd you do it?

I thought it was a

good idea at the time.

The girls thought so too.

Are you a loser who can't

even make it to first base

with a girl?

Do you lose your confidence

every time you get up to bat?

Why strike out?

Use Umpire, the male deodorant.

Use Umpire every morning.

You'll hit a home

run every time.

Umpire, the new male

deodorant for foul balls.

Play ball!

Please stay tuned.

We'll return after a

word from our sponsor.

[screaming]

[screaming]

Girls, Passion

cologne and bath oil

brings out the beast in men.

[screaming]

We're going to

spray Claudine with

a provocative and

expensive perfume,

while Adriana will use Passion.

We've left convicted

rapist Luther Grady alone

in the dungeon

with the two girls.

Let's watch what happens.

[grunting]

And there you have it

live and unrehearsed.

Another convicted

rapist prefers the girl

wearing passion to the

more attractive girl

wearing the expensive perfume.

And now back to the live action.

ANNOUNCER:
Passion

Colon and Bath Oil,

it brings out the beast in men.

[howling]

I just wanna say that the

commercial you have just seen

was out of my control.

I will not stand for this.

I will not stand for

this one second longer.

I have my BA in movie criticism.

Yes, sir.

And I will not stand idly

by while the men and women

of America get sucked into

the foul pestilence

of corruption and decadence.

A travesty, I say at

ravesty and an abomination.

You have seen films

tonight that were

rooted-- rooted-- in sickness.

I don't care whether

or not I lose my job

or whether-- what

anyone thinks about me,

but I just have to say what

I feel or I'll do something

that I'll be sorry for later.

I don't know what-- who's

been taping these commercials,

but whoever-- whoever has been,

well, they oughtta be arrested.

They oughtta be put

away in dog kennels.

That stupid,

traitorous bastard.

I get him to behave

for the whole show,

and then he ups and gets me

in trouble with the sponsor.

It's such a fine,

uncontaminated product.

[booing]

There's not a bit of

hexachlorophene in it.

I'll tell the world.

No hexachlorophene,

that it works wonders.

Taxi!

You in a hurry?

Yes, I am.

I'm in a hurry.

Not in that much of a hurry.

Listen.

I know how it goes.

You know, you-- you

have a long hard day,

and then you come home to

the same old wife each night?

It gets boring.

Let me tell you.

You could use a nice

little piece of class ass

if you know what I mean.

You know, I got this--

I got this phone

number of this chick, see?

And she's absolutely dynamite.

Got a 42 inch bust.

Would you believe it?

Hey, and she-- she wears her

boots to bed, just like you're

in a goddamn stag film, huh?

Hey, what do you say?

Hey, what is it with you anyway?

Just take me home,

filthy degenerate.

Sex, sex-- this is the most

disgusting, filthy city

in the world.

Tell me again.

Oh that's gorgeous.

What beautiful goddamn ratings.

This is history.

Yes, John?

Oh, well, thanks a lot.

Yes, it was mostly my

idea Although Cliff did

have a little something

to do with it.

Oh, he happen to be

a fairly hip guy.

Oh, Gordon.

Poor Gordon.

You look terrible.

Just awful.

Poor dear.

I saw the whole

thing on television.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Yes.

Yes, Mr Chairman.

I can explain everything.

Forge the explanations.

Gordon, there were

over 100 million people

watching the awards last

night-- half of America.

100 million viewers?

That's right.

You're a hot item.

Me?

Anchorman?

Well, what about my reviews?

Oh, we'll get some

candy ass for that spot.

You come in in the morning

to sign the contract.

Good night.

Oh, Gordon, congratulations.

Well, thank you Mr Chairman.

I'll-- I'll pop in for lunch.

You, I saw you!

Don't deny it.

You're smutty, smutty, smutty,

and you're on the list.

You're a disgrace

to our entire family

and-- and our standing

in the neighborhood.

This lists you as an admitted

member of the smut list.

Sign and I'll be easier

on you in the long run.

Get outta here,

you little fart.

You're still smutty,

smutty, smutty!

Come here.

Great god almighty.

I'm gonna f*** your brains out.

Yeah, he's back, and we

can forget about any kind

of action for tonight.

In two seconds, they're

gonna be in their room

with the door locked.

What do you think, dummy?

F***ing.

Mr Boorski, Mr Boorski!

How are you?

Mr Boorski?

Good morning,

ladies and gentleman.

You know, last night

I had a whole shitpot

full of requests to hold

a press conference here.

Well, here I am.

You.

The one with the swollen

tits sticking out there.

You have violated federal

law, state law, city

and local ordinances, and

every regulation promulgated

by the Federal

Communications Commission

not to mention

general principles

of decency and morality.

Have you given any thought at

all to the legal consequences

of your actions?

Honey, right now

I'm just thinking

about them swollen tits

you got sticking out there.

Mr Boorski, in your

considered opinion,

how would you evaluate the

impact that last night's

special had on America?

Well, what do you think?

They was message

films or something?

Say, you ain't one of the

mignorant f***ing movie critics

that's always trying to look

for something that ain't there,

are you?

Now look, buddy, I'll tell you.

All I know is there's a

whole shitload of Maytags

out there working overtime

to clean the stains off

of last night's sheets.

Mr Boorski!

Mr Boorski!

Mr Boorski, I'd like to address

this question to Miss Inga.

Well, you go

right ahead, honey.

Miss Inga, I think it would

be of enormous interest

to our readers to

learn whether you enjoy

a social relationship as well

as a business relationship

with Mr Boorski.

Enjoy it?

Of course I enjoy it, silly.

REX BOORSKI:
Go ahead, granny.

You just fire away.

Never in my life have I

heard of such perverted acts.

You spoke about inspiration

at your conference last night,

the special?

Where could you

possibly have gotten

the inspiration for such coarse,

crude, crass, and above all,

boring movies.

Well, ma'am, I

reckon I can field

that question pretty easily.

If I can just figure

out how to put it.

Inspiration, you see, is a very

delicate and subtile thing.

It comes in a lot of different

colors, and sizes, and shapes.

Now, you take you for example.

I'll bet my

granddaddy's jock strap

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