Vigilante Diaries Page #6

and ruin everything.

You chose

the wrong trick, b*tch.

As much as I'm into

the girl-on-girl action,

I'd like to stay here and watch,

but you're dead already.

Everyone in here is.

Enjoy your evening.

Where are you going?

Come and get it.

Oh, I plan on it, b*tch.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

- on!

- (SCREAMING)

MAN ON RADIO:
Security,

guy a! the bar, take him out now!

- No guns! Tasers only!

- (CRACKLES)

(YELLS)

(TASERS CRACKLING)

See, b*tch?

I do my f***ing job!

(GAGGING)

You...

(COUGHS)

(MAN YELLING)

Barry on radio:

Comm check. Get outside.

The Kid has Barrington's driver.

I'm just driving!

I don't know anything!

- Tell me!

- I don't know!

(SCREAMS)

Okay, okay!

- One more time, motherf***er!

- L.A. Live, P5.

There's a bomb

in Bentley, old-school.

You have to defuse by hand.

F***, you okay?

Harrington's on foot.

He's got IEDs set all over the city.

He's got the abort codes

on his phone.

Make the call.

You take care of that.

Barry on radio:

Okay, it's game time, guys.

All right, we can't let Harrington

get away.

World, like,

literally depends on it.

- Kid, where are we at?

- This is the parking garage.

Find the Bentley, P5.

The L.A. bomb's

just a diversion, guys.

He's taking out cities

all over the world.

Yeah, well, even his diversion's

gonna level downtown.

We've got no time.

This comes first.

Oh, relax.

I got a guy on it.

- (BEEPING)

- Aw, hell, nah.

Hey, man, you got me

out here all dressed up.

Man, I'm lookin' fly

as hell tonight, man.

I was supposed to bathe bomb.

You didn't tell me that

there was a real bomb!

What am I supposed to do

with this sh*t, man?

I ain't messing my uncle's tux.

Barrington:

Click, click, motherf***er.

Now toss your sh*t.

(BEEPING)

- What you go! going on here'!

- Mall cop, get the f*** out of here.

- This is a dirty bomb.

- Still can't park here.

I ain't playing with you.

This sh*t can f*** up the whole city.

So, that's an actual bomb?

Damn right.

Okay '.

Yo, what's up, man?

How this gonna go down'?

- Walk me through this sh*t.

- BARRY:
Walk you through it?

I thought you were demo!

Look, I'm too busy

to help you out, all right?

I'm getting pings

from all over the world...

New York, Sydney,

Hong Kong, Mumbai.

If Vigilante doesn't gel Barrington,

we are f***ed!

We're so f***ed!

Vigilante has to get to

Barrington's cell.

That's where the codes are at.

It's inside his jacket pocket.

(SIGHS)

Still don't understand

how things work, do you?

I guess I don't work that way.

Clearly.

That's why your gun's over there.

What?

Ah, f***.

- (BONE SNAPS)

- (SCREAMS)

You think I'm a bad guy.

Whatever.

You ever heard

of the trolley problem?

F***in' trolley?

It's 2016, man,

there's f***ing Uber.

No, the trolley problem.

It's a dilemma.

Okay, there's a runaway trolley

on a track.

There's five people

tied to that track.

Now, there's one person

tied to another track,

and there's a switch that

diverts the trolley, okay?

Now, do you let nature

take its course

and let those five people

get killed by that trolley,

or do you flip the switch?

See, me...

I flip the switch every time,

whether it's 500,000 people

saving 500 million.

You get it?

That makes you feel good?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Vigilante:

That bomb downtown...

I got a "Hurt Locker" genius

working on it right now.

There's no bomb he can't defuse.

Oh, baby Jesus, please help me.

Why do these wires

gotta be so small?

- Such thick fingers.

- Man, shut up!

I don't think you're supposed

to sweat on those like that.

You gonna do the red wire?

It's always the red wire in movies.

- Are you a bomb specialist?

- No, but 17...

- No, no, don't do that.

- 15...

- Shut up! Don't do that!

- 13...

- Shut up! Shut up.

- Stay calm, stay calm.

- 15 seconds! Stay calm!

- Shut up!

F*** it.

- Ha ha! Booyah!

- (LAUGHING) That worked'?!

- What's my name?! What's my name?!

- I don't know!

Oh, my God.

We saved the city!

- L-l saved the city.

- You saved the city!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

- I saved the city, man.

- You f***in' saved the city!

- I did it! I did it!

- My black person.

(LAUGHS)

Watch your mouth.

(SIGHS) L.A.'s good.

Barry, where we at?

Hey, good job, Wolfie, but let's

not jerk each other off just yet,

'cause the main event's

about to go live worldwide.

Sh*t!

Am I seeing this right'?

There's surges all over.

That Pakistani guy

you chopped up...

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

I don't know.

- (WHIRRING)

- I don't know.

These guys

ain't too happy about it.

- (GUNS COCKING)

- Get in the car!

Get in the f***ing car!

(WINCING)

New Kid:

Tell me you've got that phone!

He did and took an arm

for it, didn't you? Ouch.

Here's (he abort hack.

Go.

Man on radio:

We've got Barrington. He's safe.

- Where to now, boss?

- We head outside the blast radius

and get ready for detonation.

That motherf***er.

VIGILANTE:
These are ready

to launch, man, right now!

- (BEEPING)

- BARRY:
1-1 -3-8. Type it in.

- Okay, I got it.

- 1-1... What's your deal?

I got it.

Oh, sh*t!

- F***, I had it upside down.

- BARRY:
Are you serious?!

- Oh, my God! Come on!

- We're responsible for the apocalypse!

Bye-bye, London.

Tokyo, you're gone.

I don't even want to watch.

I don't even want lo watch.

I don't even want to watch.

Ho... holy sh*t, we did it!

Ha! We did it!

- (SIGHS)

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God.

Hey, guys,

I'm gonna give you all BJs!

- We saved the f***in' world, man.

- I'm coming to get you, V.

The Vigilante is definitely back.

A bloodbath tonight at a downtown

Los Angeles nightspot.

Over here outside

a downtown nightclub...

- The Vigilante...

- El Vigilante...

- Vigilante!

- Vigilante!

Continuing coverage tonight.

I'm joined by Mike Hanover,

web filmmaker,

famous for his viral hit,

"The Vigilante Diaries,"

and it appears that

The Vigilante is back.

That's right. He's back.

I'm back. We're back, man.

I'm the guy behind the guy.

That was me.

I put him on the Web.

I made his (BLEEP) famous.

That's right.

So what about the reports we're hearing

that The Vigilante saved the city?

Uh, he saved the city.

I saved the city.

That's what we do, all right?

We save (BLEEP).

Last month, we saved the city

from a mob, a big mob.

And you know what,

he went overseas without me,

and I'm not gonna

hold that against you, Vigi,

but, you know what,

I like fish and chips

and pints and all that

good stuff.

But I'm here

holding down the fort.

I'm here in (he City of Angels.

You know Bond's guy,

the intel guy?

I'm that guy, but I'm better.

That's right. Umph!

Okay, we'll keep this on topic.

So, does that mean that you're still

involved in The Vigilante's affairs?

That's what I've been saying.

I'm always involved, involved some way,

one way or another, right?

So, Vigi, hit me up, man.

I'm ready for that next mission.

I got a new camera.

I can document the (BLEEP) out of it!

And you can come, too,

if you want, girl.

Uh, okay.

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