Vinyl Page #7

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account, your cars, your houses,

and, Johnny, the shoes

off your very feet.

We got rid of the kids.

Oh, dear.

Well, you better get them back...

Pretty quick.

Well, thank you for

coming in, gentlemen.

And thank you, Mr. Bourne, for

bringing it to my attention.

My assistant will see you out.

I'll keep hold of a couple

of these, if you don't mind.

I've got very good lawyers as well,

who you'll all be hearing from.

Is there anything else, Mr. Bourne?

What do you think?

I'm getting on the train.

Robbie, lend us a couple

pounds to get on, mate.

- Yeah, me too. I'm skinned.

- Piss off. Make your own way home.

- This is all your doing, this is.

- My doing?

Yeah. You knew this

was gonna happen.

How'd we end up with all the rubbish

while your kid gets all the glory?

I ain't got a kid. And if he

is mine, I don't want him.

It was your big mouth

that ruined everything.

Yeah. I wanted to be honest.

Oh, yeah. You just wanted

to make a quick buck.

Which we would've done if

we hadn't have listened

to all your virtual band bollocks.

It was a great plan, and

it worked perfectly.

Oh, yeah, it was perfect

if you mean giving away

all our hard work for nothing

perfect, just like last time, mate.

- Oh? What's that supposed to mean?

- Your great big ego, Johnny!

I mean, why didn't you give me and Griff

one track? Just one track on the album?

- Didn't write any!

- We did.

- They weren't good enough!

- Who says?

I said! Fans said! Minto

said he sung at Wembley!

- What a load of crap!

- Listen!

Listen. The only reason you

split up the band, right,

is because you thought

you'd make more money

if you had a solo career,

and the truth of the

matter is, Johnny,

it was a bag of shite.

Minto, f*** you!

I know you son of a...!

You always were like that!

I don't know why I should

have to deal with you lot!

The record company know everything,

and I'm the only

legitimate manager!

I don't even have to bother

with you ever again!

I never did! Piss off!

Hey!

Jules, love, all rock

stars poke groupies.

If you don't know

that, God help you.

- It's just...

- Find out where the woman lives

and go and talk to her.

- Tell him I'm coming with you.

- No, you ain't, mate.

Listen, there ain't no room for

you in our posh hotel in London

that they're paying for while

we do The Rock Sound Show.

Listen to me. I'm the manager.

I make the decisions.

You have to cancel. It's live.

You can't play.

It's three chords, Johnny,

not brain surgery.

We've been practicing.

We've got five songs out

of these three chords.

Yeah, Jimmy agrees with us.

We make our own decisions

until your contract runs out.

This ain't fair. You can't do this.

We're rock musicians, man.

We just want to trash hotel rooms

and bite the hand that feeds.

Here on Rock Sound TV,

this week in the studio:

popular new Welsh band

The Single Shots.

- All wankers.

- What do you think?

These guys are destined

for great big things.

And that lead singer's

a bit of a hottie.

Well, there you have it.

We predicted a hit.

Thanks Riley. Thanks, Carol.

Stuff of legends.

Creating a fan base as devoted

as any religious cult.

It's just so...

It was amazing the way in media

with a spine-tingling after growth.

Tonight, in a special session,

we meet the band,

but most exciting,

is they'll be performing

especially for you.

That's the truth.

I don't know if

Johnny is his father.

Oh, God.

Oh, no, listen. Listen.

Do you know what?

There were so many of them,

I don't even remember.

I just know he had that

ridiculous spiky hair,

and there was this...

I don't know. Honestly, no memory.

- Oh, God.

- Look. I've got cheese.

Have some cheese.

And there's som...

mate, look at this.

Cranberries in it.

Absolutely delicious.

And this one...

Do you want some?

It's all right. I think

I'm going to be sick.

Oh, Jeez.

- Sorry.

- It's okay.

I'm sorry.

Oh, deer.

- John.

- Yes?

Can you bring up a cup of tea

- and a big pretzel with mustard on it?

- Yep, will do.

How can I bring another

child into the world?

My life is a total mess as it is

without this dragging me down.

Look. It's a baby.

It's not a jail sentence.

And less work than Minto

or even Griff when

he was on the sauce.

Same amount of sh*t

and puke, though.

Girls.

- Johnny, I thought you were rehearsing.

- I'm so sorry. I need to say something.

Wait. I'm totally chaffed

that you're pregnant.

That's wonderful, Johnny, but you

might want to include Trixie in this.

- You've met before.

- Hey, sweetie.

What are you wearing?

You look like me dad.

I just thought it might be an

idea for us women to get together

to discuss family matters.

I tell you what.

You've done really well.

What a lovely bird she is.

Oh, babe.

I think we've said everything we

need to say, really. Haven't we?

Is there anything you want

to add to the conversation?

I'm willing to accept that

I am Drainpipe's father.

Well, thanks for that, Johnny,

but I don't think me husband or

me two kids would like that.

Think you'd drag us down.

Listen. You got me number.

Haven't you?

- I have, yeah.

- All right, darling.

Come on. I'll see you out.

- Cheerio.

- Bye, Johnny.

See you, darling.

So what are you going

to do about all this?

I want you, me, the

baby to be a family.

I've got myself a proper job.

I want our baby to grow up

in a nice place with...

I wasn't talking about that.

I'm talking about the band.

I'm talking about the Weapons

of Happiness and the single.

Are you going to blow your

cover to the public or not?

They'd take us for

everything we've got.

We haven't got anything, Johnny.

We spent it.

I've got one foot in the

nursing home game now, right?

I'm going to work for Robbie.

What's happened to you?

What happened kid who used to just stick

to your fingers about everything.

I've got three mouths to feed now.

If you turn into a bore, I'll get you

out of it because we'll leave you.

I want you to be part

of a band again.

About this responsible

father business.

Listen, you've done your responsible

bit by getting me up the duff.

Honestly, working in a care home.

The poor patients.

You go back to what

you're good at, yeah?

That's your music.

You just get this ridiculous suit off.

You look like a politician.

Pile of sh*t, ey? 45 quid.

- You rat.

- Okay.

I got it.

It's not too late. The show's

not on for six more hours.

We go to London, break in the

studio, hijack the show.

- What, on live television?

- Yeah, a double rock and roll swindle.

We play the song ourselves,

take back what's ours.

Well, Circ will sue us for

everything we've got if we do that.

They're as guilty as we are.

They ain't got a leg to stand on.

I worked hard to rebuild my

life after the band split up.

Yeah, I know you did, mate.

I know you did.

But we going to let some

poxy record company

dictate to us, push us about?

I say we go and smash it.

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