Violet Tendencies Page #2

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Um, I hear you.

Donna I would, if I could.

I've got tools.

Not now, Donna.

Still got my hymen.

What you need, Violet,

is the male version of you.

A fag stag.

A metrosexual?

No, no no no no

A metrosexual will only throw

you off the scent

What is it Salome?

I'm going to lunch.

Actually, not lunch.

I'm being taken out

for high-end water:

Can Violet cover reception?

One sec..

A fag stag is special.

He hangs out with gays because

he enjoys their energy and their

attention just like you do.

Does that sort of person

really exist?

I don't think so.

Can I have a carrot?

Nevermind.

I probably shouldn't.

My f*** buddy broke up with me.

Oh, no!

Really glad I never officially

moved in

because then I'm not officially

kicked out rig ht?

Sweetheart what happened?

Suddenly after three months

Darian is not a slut anymore.

What does he want?

Monogamy?

Sounds like something

I need lasered off.

I know.

Oh my gosh, Luke.

I think it might be time for us...

Please, don't say it.

Grow up.

I can hear that

from anyone but you.

But, maybe it's time.

I don't see what the problem is?

So I play around what's that

got to do with Darian?

But, you know I would

give my heart

A lung, and what's left

of my liver

to have a chance

with a man like Darian.

I mean, do you know

how lucky you are?

Can I tell you

what happened to me?

I met a frisky friend

for lunch today.

And he can't put up with me

for two minutes

I mean, leaves me on the street,

can you believe it?

I'm not even worth

a lousy lunch.

Which frisky friend?

What's his name

and where does he live?

Why, what are you going to do?

Beat him up.

Not only a mailman,

but a Gemini.

Have you known me

to stoop that low?

A Gemini!

Yeah, you dodged a bullet

on that one.

And he was probably bi-polar:

All Geminis are bi-polar:

Hi baby!

Good to see you.

Look at that ass in those jeans.

- Thank you.

- Scorching!

I have spammed my whole list.

Every last queen is going

to be at that benefit.

What about our queen mother?

Of course! I've already

poached some

last season Bradleigh

for the silent auction.

There is nothing I wouldn't do

to keep HIV stigma-free!

You should throw her on stage

to revive her high school tap routine.

I do a mean Shim-Sham-Shimmy.

Oh really?

Let's see those moves baby.

Oh, no one wants to see my moves,

when we can ogle yours.

Oh, that's not fail:

No, it's not fair at all!

Okay...

next time I get dumped

in the real world

it's going to be

by someone hot like Zeus,

Not some bi-polar mailman.

Tell it, girl.

Why, oh why, can't I find

a straight man?

Why can't I?

Why don't you try

a straight bar?

Who'll go with me?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying!

Okay, you don't need

to go anywhere

We will find you a fag stag.

Riley's convinced

that I'll find a straight man

masquerading around

the gay world.

Actually, a fag stag

is urban legend.

Okay, well you have about an hour

to find this mythical unicorn

before mama goes home

for phone sex.

She is not lying.

You know maybe Frisky Friends

is not the best way

to meet a man.

It's a numbers game Markus

It's a numbers game

I'm just saying no more Geminis.

How about the internet?

I talk better that I type baby!

Uh Oh, here comes

the f*** me voice

Look out!

Oh that feels so good

I love it on the right side

of my...

Tuna juice!

Enough about your gash wound.

Thank you.

Stop calling my p*ssy

a gash wound!

- Okay.

- Hey guys

He?! What's going on?

- Hello Goddess!

- Hey sweetie.

- So good to see you.

- You too.

You guys have fun tonight.

Thank you.

Remember when

Peter and Derek were

looking for a surrogate

for their gayby?

You know they asked Violet,

rig ht?

I'm like, HELLO!!

Entrance only,

and still they pleaded.

I'm like find another womb!

How hard can it be?

Seriously half the world

has one!

Who did they find?

Derek's sister:

I understand

it's someone else's egg

She's just a surrogate but...

Don't you think it can catch

I don't know, incest by osmosis?

That's beautiful.

What a beautiful gift of love

from Derek's sister.

It's not as if Derek

could fall pregnant.

Well, he's been trying

for years.

Markus' new novel, actually,

is about a man who gives birth.

Well it's about how life would

be different if men could give birth.

Well, I'll tell you.

Abortion clinics

on every corner!

Oh, hold on!

Here comes the coat hanger again.

I'm sorry, your balls are

in the way.

That's not funny!

That's not funny at all!

Your color is fantastic.

Who does it?

I was Done by Darian.

Who hasn't been?

Darian...

Yeah

Are you still going to

donate your coupon

for the silent auction

Zeus is doing?

Of course.

I also got couple of things

for you.

Stop by the salon alright?

I will.

How about the hottie

right over there?

YOU are SO mean to me.

Wait, who's that?

Riley says that's my fag stag.

Unicorn

Sweet, thanks!

Cheers!

Drinks on me.

Oh my God.

Salome.

OH MY GOD!

Are you dead?

What happened to you?

You look...Amazing.

Feed me!

Promise me you won't tell anyone

you found me behind a dumpster:

Okay?

Alright.

I am really worried.

When I don't eat,

I get sleepy, okay?

Salome, you're naturally thin.

If I was you, I'd only be eating

And f***ing.

Violet, let me tell you something:

F***ing is overrated.

Guys line up around the block

to f*** me.

It is really tiresome.

There is a guy right here in

this diner that wants to f*** me.

Who?

Black guy, Oscar Giovanni

scarf, biceps.

He's behind you.

He doesn't know that he

should know

that l know he's cruising me,

you know?

Wait.

He's actually cruising you.

Oh my god!

Just play aloof.

Violet!

Stop with the straw.

You lost him.

And you're gonna keep losing them

until you get off your racket.

My racket?

Your racket is what's stopping you.

Well, I don't look like you.

It's not just your looks.

There is someone for everyone.

I believe that.

Thanks.

Let me ask you something.

Where were you earlier?

Out with the boys.

Okay.

Do you know that story

in the news about

the family of peacocks that took

in the orphan elephant?

Oh, yes.

And then the elephant ran around

thinking it was a peacock?

So sweet.

It's not sweet.

It's ridiculous.

Picture it!

Violet, you are not a peacock!

You are an...

Have you ever thought maybe

your gay friends

just don't wanna share you?

No.

They wanna keep you wrapped up

in their own little world

away from men who want women.

That's a horrible thing to say.

Do you wanna get married

and have kids?

No.

See?

The gays have totally

warped your mind.

They do refuse to go

to straight bars.

And they are always insulting

my p*ssy.

But no, my friends want

what I want.

Okay.

Okay what?

You're not willing

to be coachable.

I am!

I am coachable.

Then I can help.

God...

I ate so much.

I'm just gonna hit

the ladies' room.

I might be a minute...

or two.

Just pick a number:

10,000 words a day.

I wish...

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