Violet Tendencies Page #3

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it's just that... you know

their baby is born

and I've lost the plot

Maybe male mothers

eat their young.

Thanks, that's very helpful.

Baby!

Gays don't breed.

It's what separates us

from the animals.

We should invest in valuable

real estate instead.

Let's do that...

How about that rooftop

at Audrey's reception?

How about...

this valuable real estate, ha?

Right here...

It's looking a bit neglected.

Seriously...

we're not breeders.

We don't have to worry about

the rest of the planet.

Global warming, recycling...

Oh, I would hate to recycle!

So why not write about that?

Because I'm writing

a fantasy, Riley.

Your husband is an idealist.

Doll, I love you...

but I'm not your husband.

It's their word.

It could be our word.

Pear puree?

What's this?

Just research...

okaY---

I've got an idea...

I wanna take you out

tomorrow night for some solid food.

Cheer you up.

I love you.

I love my husband!

I love you

I love my husband!

I love you

Ah... husband

Just found this

at the flea market!

What do you think?

Cute, ha?

You can drape it

you can belt it,

you can crimp it!

You can knock it off in China

for 50 cents a pop.

Precisely.

Make that happen.

Remind me to give this splendor

to Donna when she gets back.

Oh hey!

Drinks tonight?

Markus has writers' group.

I have a dinner date tonight

and I don't plan

on coming home after:

Not another frisky friend?

Why do you say it like that

"another frisky friend"?

What, do you want me

all to yourself? Or what?!?

Wow!

It's about a "day of beauty" coupon

for a silent auction I'm doing

I just gave it to you.

Okay, thanks

I actually wanted to speak with

Darian about another matter'...

I already told you

Darian is with a client.

Hey yo!

Darian, hey!

Am I invisible?

Yeah, to me.

Darian listen, is now a bad time?

Now is good.

Okay, thanks so much

for this coupon

Can we speak in private?

Since when do you care

about private?

Okay.

Well D

I wanna invite you to

a nice dinner or...

something romantic

of your choice.

Um.. why?

Well, you know that story

in the book

with Noah and ...animals and

Wait, wait, wait.. Noah's Ark?

And a bird brought Noah a twig

which meant everything

is gonna be okay.

So, you're here as...

as a twig?

I'm here to show you

just how much

I want everything to be okay for us.

Wow! Luke... thank you...

for that rare glimpse of sincerity.

And thank you for stopping by...

But this is...

The rest of your stuff..

from my apartment.

Don't... don't cry

You know you like that one...

aah come on!

Goad buy!

Put it on there now..

no, on top of it, ok?

Put it on there.

Little person.

Um... this is Joey.

Say hi Joey

Hey!

Ashley's sitter called in sick...

Ashley?

My mentor from writers group

And how often does

Ashley's sitter call in sick?

Oh... um.. just Fridays...

sometimes Wednesdays.

You couldn't tell me?

You know, sometimes

you're not that easy

to talk to about certain things.

Not that easy to talk to...

Ashley's just running late..

She'll be here any minute.

Markus I just want

what's best for us.

You know, to move up,

get ahead, own some property.

You know this gig

can help us save.

Ashley set me up baby sitting

for others too.

Yeah, she's done wonders

for your writing..

I'm really good with kids, okay?

Just look at Joey...

Isn't he adorable?

Just look at him.

Oh, Joey...baby

Welcome to the

Lazy Tops, Power Bottoms party.

Show me your dick.

I've just got to make sure

you're not the police.

Here's a bag for your clothes.

Welcome to the Lazy Tops,

Power Bottoms party.

$40 please.

I'm on the list

Okay, what are you doing here?

I came to f*** my brains out.

Um.. in front of all these people?

With all these people.

Okay, what the hell is going on here?

You're deliberately trying to hurt me?

Take it easy, Luke...

Haven't you heard about

the impalas in Africa?

Hey sweetie!

Hi!

Frisky friend 265, Mike.

Hey!

Donnie and I worked together

as flight attendants

Air hostesses!

Oh, yes.

In the unlikely event

of a water landing,

you're all gonna die!

That's nice!

Thank you

I'll be back to get your orders

in a bit.

Okay.

Air hostess, ha?

Oh, my ticket out of Idaho.

I got some buddies out West...

That's beautiful country.

Uh, beautiful yeah, but...

all anyone wants for you

is the same old stuff...

you know, get married,

have kids.

I want something different,

you know.

Yeah, I hear you.

Yeah?

Yeah, we're an island

of misfits.

I actually moved here

to be around

more open-minded women.

You still in the friendly skies?

No, I had to give it up.

Oh, after 9/11?

Oh, no!

I just kept ballooning up

on the plane food

No way.

Oh, yes way. I mean Donnie...

Donnie used to have

a 29 inch waist

I mean, I lost most

of what I put on,

I mean, except for my fupa...

but I'm fine with it.

Umm, with what?

Fupa.

Fat Upper P*ssy Area.

But... it's a little fupa,

a happy fupa.

I would hate to see

an angry one.

Oh yeah we can't have that.

Uh, what would you recommend?

The chicken cutlet here

is excellent.

But I would stay away from

cheese tonight if I were you.

Why is that?

Clogs up your anal cavity.

I did not know that.

Oh, except for goat cheese.

You know there is some enzyme

that makes it okay.

This isn't good dinner

conversation, is it?

No, no, no... be yourself.

Um.. I hear zucchini

is great for down there.

Most veggies are...

okra is the best.

I'm all about anal health.

Oh, me too.

It's just good manners.

So, are you kids ready?

Yes.

I'll have the chicken fried

steak, please.

Chicken fried steak, you sir?

- Just a burger:

- Burger:

No cheese!

Oh, that's work,

I've gotta take this.

Okay.

Oh, sweetie he is fine!

I don't know why

you're bothering with dinner:

You're right put in that order;

pronto!

I will honey, I will.

That was the best sex

of my life.

You're so high energy.

You want games?

I'll out-slut you in a second.

Hey, round two at my place?

This time, I'll do all the work.

What are you doing home?

You're supposed to be gone all night.

Well, you're cleaning? It's Friday.

Aren't you supposed to be

bringing queers together?

Well,

It smells like poppers in here

Where did you have your party?

The police raided

our last location, so...

so?

No!

You got home before I could...

Is that sh*t on my bedspread?

That's not sh*t.

That is sh*t!

No, that is definitely not sh*t.

It's biss.

Biss?

Butt piss.

Oh God! That is so gross Luke,

oh my god!

I'm sorry! Somebody must

have gone

overboard with enemas.

I'm... I'm doing laundry now

Listen I was gonna tell you

but I thought maybe...

You thought maybe I would object

to a gay sex party in my bedroom?

That doesn't turn you on?

No, it does not turn me on.

That's the problem.

I'm not one of you.

Salome was rig ht

I've just become way too enmeshed

in your world.

Listen, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna wash everything...

It's OKAY because I'm

emancipating myself from this...

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