Violet Tendencies Page #5

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your computer to Taipei.

Come on, it's

all-expense paid travel.

It'll advance my career:

A chance to forget babies

and hysterectomies.

Oh my God, don't remind me.

It's so sad!

So, are you in?

Could we maybe swing by

Polynesia on the way to Taipei?

You know, Ashley showed me

this great new site.

There's not much red tape,

they make it so much easier.

What site?

Adoptakanakababy.com

Baby let's just check it out.

No strings.

It might break up the monotony

of our lives.

The monotony of our lives?

Yeah. You know, maybe that's why

Violet is boycotting us.

Change is good.

Come on baby, relax.

Feels nice?

Yeah, come on.

That smell, is that?

Baby oil.

Isn't it wonderful?

Polynesia is on the way

to Taiwan, right?

No...

If you suck cock, hang up now.

If you think you might enjoy

sucking cock in the future,

hang up now.

Vern?

Hello, Vern?

I'm not gay-

But you go to gay bars, right?

Why in the world would

I do that?

Oh, well I had to ask.

So, what are you into?

What do you mean?

I mean, what are you

passionate about?

Web', what I do

Architecture.

I'm especially fascinated

with columns.

Columns?

Wanna talk about

thick, rock hard shafts?

What about them?

How about putting them up

my chimney pot, Mn Architect. Yeah?

Then stucco my flying buttress

to the wall!

Uh, Salome,

I'm just a normal guy.

I can do normal.

I want to be up front

and let you know

I'm looking for

a simple kind of woman.

That's me, I'm a simple girl.

From Idaho.

My face is rural too!

I have an ample bosom and a...

well, my whole body

is kind of ample.

I really wanna meet you

and get frisky but

if you're expecting some,

I don't know,

thin-hipped b*tch who's gonna...

I'm nut!

You're not?

Nu, I want a keeper, Salome.

Me, too.

And it's Violet.

I lied.

Well, we all fib an Frisky Friends.

So what's your real name?

I mean, I know it's not Vern.

Nu, it is Vern.

Oh, well you have

a nickname or anything?

My parents call me Chippy.

So, Vern, what did you fib about?

I don't know exactly

but I probably did fib

Now that I know your name, Violet,

do you stiff wanna meet?

Bethesda fountain.

Same time?

10 am and I'll be wearing red.

Red hot.

Can't wait!

You did lie.

Oh I can't take it this!

Hello?

Vern you are a liar!

I can't take this!

No, no I can't!

I can't!

Help! Help!

Please!

No, I just can't!

Get away from me you lunatic!

Everyone's a f***ing freak.

I just can't deal with this anymore.

Violet, is that you?

What are you doing down there?

Did you loose a contact

or something?

Vern?

You must be Daddy.

Riley.

Hi, I'm Jenny.

Matt's mom.

He looks like a complete angel,

doesn't he?

Don't be fooled.

He's an absolutely

unmanageable child.

So was I.

You have kids?

I'm gay.

No, no kids.

Alright if you worked

a Stephen Miser set,

You know I don't wanna hear anyone,

I don't wanna see anyone

Unless it's through my lens.

Child. Love your Daddy, hmm?

Mn Miser; I'm

Poof!

Matt?

No! I wanna stay with Riley.

Hey it's ok buddy, your mom and I,

we're gonna make plans. I promise.

Gotta go. C'mon hun.

Sweetie!

The UN is the first

international building in the US.

I suppose that concludes our tour:

I loved it.

Should we go for drinks?

Why in the world would I

want to do that

When I can be with you alone.

Do you go drinking a lot?

I wouldn't say that.

I may have partied a little

in my youth.

But that is behind me.

You're so beautiful.

Your place or mine?

You don't want to go home together

on our first date?

No! umm no!

Of course not.

I'm totally teasing.

Funny lady.

Come on. Let me walk you home.

Oh, baby you're home.

I'm almost ready.

So.

I checked out

adoptakanakababy.com.

You did?

And?

And I didn't see anything

about refunds or exchanges.

I also never imagined

in my entire gay life

that the topic of children

would ever come up.

Neither did I. But I guess

secretly I hoped that it would.

What is that?

Markus

I love you

I want you to have everything

you want.

Even if it's not what you want?

How will I know if we don't

get a chance to practice?

Oh my god.

You got me a Toy Pomeranian?

You wanted a Toy Pomeranian

since you were ten.

Well, that or a Chihuahua...

and you know how I feel about rats.

You've been reading my blog.

Oh, Thank you.

I thought you were an ex-Mormon?

I left the church,

but I haven't been excommunicated.

Stick with me kid.

Wait a minute.

If you're not a Mormon,

why can't you enjoy

a glass of wine with me?

I don't like it.

You told me you've

never had a drink.

I haven't.

How do you know

you don't like it?

Do I need to sleep with a man

to know I don't like it?

You know them?

Ah, co-workers.

Actually they are pretty great.

Umm...we could go out with them

sometime, if you wanted to.

Where would we go?

We could go to a gay ban

I think that'd be too much

anthropology for this architect.

I told you I'm not very social.

Where do you go for fun?

To sleep.

I prefer to have my fun early.

I'm a big fan

of column-watching.

Column-watching?

Yeah.

Tomorrow I'll be up before 5

to catch them at sunrise.

Holy f***!

Sunrise?

Yeah, sunrise is my favorite

time of day.

Well, if you want to catch the worm.

Or if you wanna see

Corinthian columns come to life.

So, you just uh...

sit there and stare?

It's a form of meditation for me.

We all have our own way

of getting centered

in this crazy city and that's mine.

Absolutely sweetie.

I mean whatever it takes.

You must think I'm freak.

- Most people think I'm a freak.

- Most people think I'm a freak.

No!

No, actually I don't.

And I think columns are magnificent.

Do you want to watch them with me?

You might have to sleep over

if you did.

Check!

Oh, okay.

Have my babies, have my babies

What?

Just making sure the condom

is still on.

Of course it is.

Have my babies, have my babies!

Move to Idaho

and have Chippy's babies.

Look.

Look now

Are you sleeping through this?

No, just resting my eyes.

Watch as the sun dances across

the granite at each new moment.

Watch.

Look, magic.

Hey! Guess what?

You got a dog.

How'd you know?

Women know.

I also know that you were

never going to get a dog.

You have to bend over and pick

up the poop. Remember?

Baby makes Markus happy

so I've changed.

You called a dog Baby?

You are such a lesbian.

Markus named him

but thank you Donna.

How's the hymen?

You know my hymen -

hanging in there.

Come over tonight, meet Baby.

Oh, I can't.

Dinner with Vern.

Pre-game before Zeus' benefit

at Vlada?

Oh, that's Friday night.

Oh sh*t!

I have plans with Vern Friday night.

Vern, Vern, Vern.

Bring Vern.

Uhm

I don't think he's gonna

want to go.

We're all dying to meet him.

The timing is just not right.

I'm just not comfortable having him

know about my past.

What's wrong with your past?

Oh, please don't take it personal.

You know the truth is

I don't even know if Vern's my type.

So you'd rather be with him

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