Visit to a Small Planet Page #3

Mary had a wittle wamb,

its fleece was white as snow,

and everywhere that Mary went.

Roger, are you out of your mind?

The wamb... was sure... to go.

Spelding you're drunk.

Study these earthlings

but don't get involved.

No, I won't.

Do you worry, Mr. Delton

and thank you very much.

And I'll be a good boy, Mr. Delton.

Have a good trip.

So long.

What happened?

Well, you were snitching so you got a 14.

You could have gotten an 86.

Whats an 86?

Come I show you.

Well?

Watch that plant.

That's an 86.

You'll like him, he's really

a very nice young man.

- Mr. Kreton.

- Yes?

This is my daughter, Ellen.

Hello.

Huh. 36.

24...

That's better... much better.

Pardon?

- I mean... this bend...

- What?

What I mean to say is that,

it does something for girls.

You see, where I come from,

the girls are 36 straight and that's it.

But this, breaks up the monotony.

- I'm sorry.

- He is cute, mother.

I was right.

I was right. I was right.

Good evening, Ellen, Rheba.

I just received a flash from

headquarters on the flying saucers.

It's confirmed Roger.

Why I even saw one with my

own eyes, as plain as day.

There were machine guns

sticking out of the side

and underneath it had a rack of bomb,

and a tremendous cannon poking

out of a pillbox on the top.

Oh, ho ho?

- How do you do.

- How do you do.

Have we met?

No, unless you've ever been to X-47.

This is Mr. Mayberry. He's

host to the party tonight.

Oh?

Nice costume.

Right costumes, wrong century.

Oh, get this, Rog, get this.

At 1800 this evening, an

unidentified flying object

was spotted high over...

Bob, you shouldn't read

that in fount of Roger.

Remember, there "ain't" no such animal.

"No such animal," as what, mother?

As visitors from beyond.

Teensy-wincy little men with

long green feelers like this.

Excuse me, Mrs. Spelding,

but the long green feelers went

out with the short red tails.

Short red tails??

Bob, Rheba, for heaven's sake.

Short red tails??

That's a good one.

No.

Oh no.

Yes, yes indeed. You put

fingerprints all over it.

I mean, I don't care for me personally,

but we are supposed to keep it clean.

You know, sloppy barrier, sloppy mind.

You know whats going on Rog, tell us?

I can't. I have to watch

out for that old 86.

86?

Look what happened to the azalea plant.

It's withered!

That's what I mean.

Can I tell them, please?

Well, as long as I am going

to be guest in your house,

I suppose it'll be alright.

But remember now.

This is our little secret.

- You see...

- I'm from another world.

- From another...?

- Planet.

- It's true.

- Jupiter?

Jupiter? No one lives on Jupiter.

At least no one I know.

Why did you come here?

Oh... I guess it was a

combined pleasure and study trip.

You know, a visit to your

small planet from mine.

8,000,000 light years away.

8,000,000. Imagine.

Poor boy, you must be exhausted.

I am as a matter of fact

a little pooped right now.

A good night sleep will take care of that.

I'll fix up the guest room.

Oh, well, thank you very much.

Hi everybody.

Hi, Conrad.

What is he supposed to be?

A spaceman.

At least that's what I would

have said 10 minutes ago.

Ain't I something?

Excuse me, please.

How do you do?

I wonder, do you mind?

Go ahead.

Thanks you.

You know I'm sick and

tired of going to this old

ball every year dressed

as Stonewall Jackson.

This year I'm going as a

sure enough spaceman.

Boom boom.

Oh, you don't need that to bum-bum. May I?

Sure.

Mr. Spelding, who is that?

That you boob, is a spaceman.

A spaceman?

Your kidding.

Would you please sit down and shut up?

Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Spelding.

Get-this-thing-off-me!

Get it off.

Yes, I will. Just a second.

Oops I'm sorry, Mr. Spelding. I

guess I aimed just a little too high.

If you'll just take your

hands down and relax.

Just hold perfectly still.

There we are.

See, Mr. Spelding, I can but you can't.

Sure enough ever loving

cotton picking spaceman.

Here you are Mr. Spelding,

I hope I didn't upset...

Guest room's ready.

Thank you, very much Mrs. Spelding.

I hope I didn't put you out.

And find some of Mr. Spelding

clothes in the closet.

Feel free to wear them.

My clothes?!? Are you radioactive?

Don't worry about that sir,

I've had my shots.

Well, enjoy yourselves everybody.

I'm going to beddy-bye.

- Goodnight.

- You forgot your bag, Kreton.

Oh, so I did, thank you.

Bob...

Where are you going?

I know my duty when I see it.

I'm reporting this to state militia.

I wouldn't do that. He

wants it kept secret.

Secret?

Oh. Of course. You can trust me, Rog.

Won't tell a soul.

Conrad?

Won't tell a soul ether Mr. Spelding.

Your darn right you won't.

You think I'd let a blabber mouth

like you get me in trouble?

You are not leaving this house tonight.

You are sleeping here.

In my room.

I'm sorry, Mr. Spelding, just I can't.

I mean... I'm not gonna leave

Myrtle alone in my place all night.

- Myrtle?

- His goat daddy. Remember?

Oh yeah...

Myrtle hasn't been a

bit well Mr. Spelding.

She looks very piqued.

And in the last couple of days

she been running a temperature.

Well, she can run it over here.

Put Myrtle in our barn.

- Is it air conditioning?

- Get going.

Yes sir, I'll do that.

What about the party daddy?

We are not going to the party.

Good evening, good evening.

Mabel, Mabel. Get them to the living room.

- What?

- Get them into the living room, please.

Hurry, dear, hurry.

Will you all please go into the living

room and enjoy yourself's,

I'll be there in just a moment.

Have fun.

Robert, what the world...?

Don't ask any questions, Mabel.

This is the biggest thing that

ever happened to Manassas...

To the country!

Captain Jackson? Mayberry of Manassas.

Listen carefully, this is top, top secret.

At precisely 7:
45 tonight...

Mary had a wittle wamb.

Mustn't do that, Mr. Mayberry.

Oh, hi' ya Rags. Come on in. Come on.

There's no reason why

we can't be friends, Rags.

Now, whats on your mind?

Come on, out with it.

Oh, I forgot.

I don't believe it. There

ain't no such human.

You been spending too much

time with Mr. Spelding.

I am perfectly normal.

Rags, where do you sleep at night?

Me? In a lousy box in the back porch.

They think I'm a watchdog,

but really I'm not, I'm yellow.

So am I.

Rags I have a thought. Why don't

you bunk here with me tonight?

- With you?

- Sure, why not?

Rags, you take the lower.

Normal... he says .

- Good morning, Kreton.

- Good morning, Ellen.

- You look very pretty this morning.

- Thank you.

Well, how do you like it?

Your first day on earth, I mean.

Just wonderful. I liked it a lot.

Except that, its not exactly

like I thought it would be.

Why, what did you imagine?

I'm a little disappointed,

I missed the civil war.

Gettysburg, Shiloh, Manassas.

You keep talking about the past,

are you from the future?

Yeah, uh-huh. I can visit you

at any moment in your history.

Time is really a trapezoid.

You know what that means, don't you?

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