Visit to a Small Planet Page #4

No, I'm afraid I don't.

Don't know what a trapezoid is?

Well, I don't either, actually.

That's the trouble with school,

they make you memorize things

that your never ever gonna use.

Kreton, whats it like in space?

Oh, its pretty nice. Especially

if your traveling out of season.

- Uh-oh, trouble.

- Trouble?

Your daddy's in the study,

and he's waiting for a call from

George Abercrombie in New York,

and is he worried...

You mean, you can tell

what daddy's thinking?

Uh-huh. Would you like to listen in?

George Abercrombie, big shot executive,

thinks he has brains, well

I've got news for him,

his brains aren't

in his head their in his...

Oops.

You have to be awfully careful of thoughts.

Like for instance: Yours

thoughts. Right now.

I haven't a thing on my mind.

Except Conrad.

The truth, Ellen?

Poor Conrad, sleeping with daddy,

and if daddy knew what he had

planning for this weekend at the lake

he strangle him in his sleep.

No chaperones.

I'm frighted...

No I'm excited.

I'm really looking forward to...

He's inside, Kreton is inside my mind.

Kreton, stop that!

Ellen, wait a minute,

I mean, I didn't mean to embarrass you.

Well, now you know.

Oh Kreton, whole thing is so mixed up.

Well, lets un-mix it.

First, how does Conrad

feel about your father?

I'm afraid he doesn't like daddy very much.

And what does your father

think about Conrad?

Despises him.

The first thing we have to do is,

change the sleeping arrangement.

Because last night wasn't

satisfactory at all.

So there are 3 bedrooms and I'm in one.

Now lets put Mr. and Mrs. Spelding

in bedroom A, together.

Now, you and Conrad...

Yes, this is going to work

out just fine, Ellen.

You and Conrad can take over bedroom B.

Conrad and I, aren't married.

Well, I didn't mean any harm by it, Ellen.

You have to understand, you see,

where I come from, we don't tangle.

You don't tangle?

Oh no, we haven't done

that for a long time.

Well, if you don't tangle...

What do you do?

I mean, how do you multiply?

Multiply what?

Each other. How do you have babies?

- Oh we don't.

- I don't understand.

Let me explain. We have ourselves.

Since we're for real, forever,

there's enough of us.

Do you understand?

So now you... never tangle.

No, never. It's a lost art.

Although I must admit we

were a little hasty. I think.

Anyway, you must promise

me that you'll let me watch,

the next time you and

Conrad oscillate antennas.

Oscillate antennas?

Oh, sorry. That's what

they call it on Venus,

but here I think they refer

to it as:
Pitch and woo.

May I watch?

Well Ellen, what did I say now?

That's really the one thing

I wanna' see while I'm down here.

Kreton, you've got to

stop talking like that.

I know that your from another planet,

but we do think an awful

lot about sex down here.

But were not suppose to discus it.

Anyway, it only happens

when nobody's looking.

Morning, Conrad.

Did you sleep well?

I was up all night...

Ellen, your father grinds his teeth.

It's just gruesome.

He's been listening to my mind.

I know all about the

weekend at lake.

No chaperone.

Yeah, how 'bout that?

How'd he find out?

I just told you. I was thinking about you,

Kreton saw it in my mind.

Guess who I'm thinking about

right this minute peach blossom.

So that's how you earthlings do it, huh?

Very interesting. Very

interesting indeed.

Well, I'm pretty well straighten

away except for one little detail.

A teensy-wincy thing

I still not to sure of.

- Which one has the baby?

- Kreton!

Conrad, go get the car,

we'll be late for class.

Ahh, in a minute.

I got to go out to the barn

and give Myrtle her breakfast.

I'll take her a corn flakes box.

I'll pick you up in a few

minutes honey child.

Corn flake box?

This seems much more nourishing.

I do believe he thinks more of

that goat than he does of me.

What a weekend.

I can just see her gorgeous

figure in that bathing suit.

Wow-wee!

Well, your the one alright.

Nobody ever whistled at

a goat in a bathing suit.

Except another goat I guess.

Oh, there you are.

If you're not busy, Mr. Kreton, my

husband would see you in the study.

Gladly.

What are you laughing at dear?

Conrad's goat in a bathing suit.

Oh? Did he buy her a bathing suit?

I didn't know she could swim.

Why don't you hang a

red light on that thing,

it's a menace to navigation.

- Good morning, my boy.

- Good morning, sir.

I need your advice.

I just spoke to New York...

I know. You spoke

to George Abercrombie,

and he's on his way here,

he's arriving on the 11 o'clock plane.

How did you...? Oh...

You know what I'm thinking.

And right now your pretty worried?

Of course I'm worried.

That fellow's my boss.

Hire and fire, fires

and hires, all daylong.

Why did I do that, if never

drink before breakfast.

A drink what? What is that?

- Bourbon.

- Bourbon? May I try?

I'm afraid you're a little young my boy.

Young? Here's my driver's license.

I have over 21.

21 million light years?

Yes, you should have seen my birthday

cake with all the candles.

Burned it to a crisp.

I'd be careful... on an empty stomach.

Really? Then should be a lotta' fun.

Mr. Delton, are you gonna'

let him try that stuff?

I am indeed. It'll teach him a lesson.

Give that kid enough cloud

and he'll hang himself.

Good, good.

Wow, that sure was powerful stuff.

Thank you very much.

Now, now, you can talk later.

Time for breakfast.

Ellen and Conrad want to drive

Mr. Kreton into town with them.

Do you like your bacon

crisp Mr. Kreton?

Yes, that'll be fine.

Good. You shouldn't be up there,

you'll get footprints all over the ceiling.

By the way, you can make

my eggs, sunny side down.

Now that's silly.

Now I know what they mean by "being high".

Lets have another one.

Well, begin to understand

how they do things on earth.

When Conrad tickles your ear,

that makes the motor go, right?

Conrad, tickling my ear, has

nothing to do with the motor.

It has to do with your motor?

You should try it sometime.

Love... its wonderful.

Oh, we gave up ages ago.

Took forever to stamp out diseases,

Scarlet fever, mumps anxiety,

common cold and finally,

the great killer: Passion.

You gave up passion?

Yes, we don't feel anything.

We don't do anything.

Inside were kind of like... cold spaghetti.

- Sounds terribly dull.

- Well, it is, a little.

You go right ahead, Conrad.

Don't mind me.

Oh, sorry, I was watching.

Unless we get moving soon

were going to be late.

Kreton, you did that. How'd you ever do it?

Very simple. I just

thought him into the air.

The next policeman is yours.

- Oh, may I?

- Sure!

- Hey, this is fun.

- Oh, it sure is.

- This is one mine?

- Be my guest.

What do I do?

Just focus all your thoughts

on that policeman.

- Ellen please.

- Conrad, watch this.

- Nothing happened.

- That's because your not concentrating.

Now, concentrate. Lift the cop.

Lift the cop.

Conrad! I did it! He moved!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes