Vive la France Page #2

Dinini.

Doum!

Stop crying.

They're nothing like the brothers.

The moustaches are fooling you.

Sorry to insist

but they have Alsatian accents.

Let me see.

Nothing like them!

Who the hell are you, guys?

Michel Platini.

Yannick Noah.

I'm not f***ing stupid!

Who are you?

- Who?

- Not shoot!

We terrorists too. We hate French.

Usually, we do terror,

not opposite.

Not shoot!

Terrorists!

Shut up.

Shut up!

What's your mission?

Suicide attack on French imperialism!

Suicide bombers?

No!

Suicide bombers!

I told you to keep quiet,

you wimpy goat!

Doum, come here!

- Let's waste them.

- Cut it out.

They're not the owners!

They're refugees.

Maybe from Kosovo or Monaco.

Help them.

We've decided to help you.

For real?

Yes.

Solidarity.

Thank you!

Taboulistan thank you.

Sun there. We go there.

This first time I see the sea.

It's interesting.

Feruz...

Fire!

Sir...

Sir, can you hear me?

Are you ok?

Here, this should help.

Michel...

Wake up, Michel!

Wake up!

Here, take this.

Are we in paradise?

This is hell!

Away, demon!

It's all right.

This not West as Alin described.

This horrible.

We must go back home.

No, we continue mission.

You lose Eiffel Tower!

Sun there, we go there!

What now?

I hurt everywhere.

Is all your fault.

I hungry, I thirsty and I tired!

Move it.

Always move it.

No, I hurt! I stay here!

Fine, you stay here alone.

I carry on.

Taboulistan counting on us.

Sick of taking care of you!

Drive straight, feel sick.

What piss me off more?

You or France?

Stop complain.

You need me.

We two inseparable.

Like goatherd and nanny goat...

Women and moustaches...

Children and hand grenades...

Love and sheep...

France is beautiful!

Yeah...

Refuse collectors on strike!

Get out now.

That way.

Fire!

What this?

It's war! Run!

Feruz!

You really laid into them!

What a gang of losers!

We demolished them!

Women hit men here!

They crazy in this country!

Let's grab a pastis.

The place is full of sex bombs.

Bombs?

Packed with bombs!

We go with them.

We can buy explosive.

Lot of terrorists here...

Tony, how's it going?

They bring us to a prostitutes' bar.

Look at skirt

on edge of bush.

This not good.

No, not good.

Tony, pastis all round.

- Thirsty work.

- Thirsty.

Is there war on in France?

In France?

This isn't France, dipstick!

This is Marseilles!

It's not France?

No, we're different.

We have it all.

Sun, sea... and buddies!

Buddies all around you!

It's hot here.

Grab your weapons!

We're the Marseilles guys!

And we're going to win!

Looking to die?

What's that Paris soccer shirt?

Want a beating, bud?

F*** the hell off!

Motherfuckers!

Why everyone say "motherf***er"?

What it mean?

It's like "hi" or "hello".

Motherf***er.

- Motherf***er.

- What?

Hey, fuckwad, you dissing us?

No, no dissing.

Go home to mommy, children.

Children? You f*** off home!

We massacre Parisians here!

I want to massacre Parisians too!

Shut your mouth!

Marseilles rules!

F*** Paris!

Where are we?

We in hospital.

They look after you good.

Medicine champions!

But you sleep three days.

You must eat.

Come on, this good.

It yogurt.

Gentlemen...

I have some good news.

We removed your kidney

with no trouble.

Kidney?

It was his nose...

His nose?

Nose.

- Christelle...

- Doctor?

His file.

- What's "kidney"?

- Nothing.

Sh*t!

What happened here?

I wasn't on intake.

It's a kidney...

A kidney?

- I was off.

- Off?

Yes, I was off!

You weren't. You say that every time!

Cut it out!

I'm sorry, we made a mistake.

We took a kidney

instead of mending your nose.

You sick!

Calm down, ok!

You can live with one kidney.

I only have one testicle

and I manage fine.

Yes!

My kidney...

Give it back.

Good luck.

Technically,

it's no longer yours.

- It is!

- No.

It's in Paris,

to save an old lady.

Give kidney!

Without documents

or medical insurance,

good luck getting it back!

If it's not done within 72 hours,

your kidney

is better flambed with mushrooms!

You're making fun now!

Filthy charlatan!

You joke, he no kidney!

I'm just trying to help.

If that's your attitude, I'm gone.

My kidney!

Go milk billy goats!

I want my kidney!

And go munch grass

with your two nannies!

My kidney!

I want my kidney!

My kidney.

Hello.

Sorry but I'm shocked

by what I just heard.

I'm Marianne Bouvier.

It's outrageous.

I'm with "In Depth". Heard of it?

Probably not.

I'm reporting on hospitals

and I'd really like to help you.

Not the Mother Teresa act again!

- What?

- Enough.

I'll be right back.

Come on, Feruz, let's go.

Hurry.

We can't miss out on this.

I can't do it, Marianne.

I have a shoot

up in northern France.

With the unemployed.

If we tell their story,

it'll help them.

If you want to spend your time

fighting for the weak, be my guest.

The camera,

the van keys.

See you in Paris.

Sure, go ahead, piss off.

You waste of space!

Where are you going?

Female scum!

Don't worry,

I'm not with Immigration.

I'll get your kidney back.

We not need kidney!

I want my kidney...

You'll get 70 of them in paradise.

I ready to die

but only with all my parts!

No one's going to die.

We'll get it back.

I'll drive you to Paris if I have to.

- Paris?

- Eiffel Tower!

You can take us Paris?

Of course.

My car's right outside. Follow me.

A woman with a car?

The French are crazy.

We follow her. It's easier.

Bad idea coming here.

- Want a ride to Paris?

- Yes.

Then trust me.

You haven't seen

the good side of France yet.

It's a just and humane land,

full of understanding people...

- Hello, ma'am.

- Miss.

Number 44.

I'm listening.

There's been a terrible

medical error.

His kidney was removed by mistake

and he'd like it back

before it's transplanted.

I want my kidney!

SMM.

Serious Medical Malpractice.

You have to file a complaint

with the public prosecutor,

adding the victim's medical file

obtained

from the doctor in question,

and a letter

justifying the complaint,

why you want the kidney back.

After that,

you'll need to launch civil action

and submit your complaint

for compensation...

But...

The compensation office

closes at 4 PM,

in other words in 5 minutes.

Tomorrow is a holiday,

they'll take Friday off,

then the weekend

and a strike on Monday.

Go on Tuesday morning.

Early as they're very busy

and pretty slow.

It should take 4 or 5 years

to settle.

All right.

Goodbye.

No way!

We want a guarantee

he'll get it back!

Or what?

I want my kidney now!

Give me my kidney

or you give your kidney to me,

old nanny goat!

Calm down!

Security!

What?

Give me your kidney too!

Give me break, I did nothing to you.

Calm down!

They're the victims!

It's a scandal,

taking kidneys from people!

They have documents?

- No.

- Undocumented then?

Right, they're off

to the holding center.

The what?

A resort without a pool or turista.

- Only foreigners.

- Please!

My kidney...

Stand up!

You're crazy! He's in pain!

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