Vive la France Page #5

What is it?

This is Chouki.

I'll show you.

We've been looking for you.

Why did you leave the hospital?

I don't know.

We have your kidney.

We can operate now.

For real?

Thank you, madam.

You are good person.

A thousand thanks.

Health and prosperity.

She found my kidney!

I put his bomb belt on him.

Get it nice and tight

or it won't work.

Just a minute, Mom!

What a drag...

You explode squirrel?

Yeah, I have plenty more.

I'm sure he'll come back.

There's something you don't know...

And I can't tell you.

It's ok, I realized.

You're a couple.

You're gay, right?

It's obvious.

You weren't comfortable last night.

You have to find him

and tell him he's screwing up.

What matters is

living here with you.

That's why you came to France.

To be free.

You're so right.

But the truth is...

You see...

Let's go, Mr. Ayayaz.

When you're ready,

you press "call".

And he's off to hamster heaven.

Ready?

One...

Two...

Hold on, using the wrong phone

would be a bummer.

Is this the one I gave you earlier?

I think it's the other.

No, this one...

One...

Two. No, this one.

This is the one. It's this one.

One... two... three...

Hamster hash!

What a blast!

I'll drive you back.

This 'hood can be dangerous.

Come on then.

Relax. It's going to be ok.

Excuse me, sir...

- Is that my kidney?

- Yes, it is.

Don't worry, it'll all go well.

No time for operation today.

I have important thing to do.

I come back later.

Thank you. Goodbye.

What are you doing?

He's out of his mind!

Go after him! He can't leave

with his kidney!

Come on!

What's going on?

I go find Muzafar.

Operation later.

Are you crazy?

Don't worry, I have kidney!

- No!

- Yes!

- You can't do this!

- I hold onto it now.

Come on!

- Move, I'm trying to work!

- Give me a break!

- It's green for me!

- Shut your mouth!

Drive! Hurry!

- Where to?

- Eiffel Tower.

That won't be possible.

Traffic's heavy there

and you're my last fare.

I can leave you

at Porte de Bagnolet...

Why things so complicated in France?

He's crazy. This isn't Fr...

I know, this isn't France.

Exactly, it's Paris.

The world's most beautiful city.

A good job France has Paris

to give all the county bumpkins

dreams.

Porte de Bagnolet is miles away.

It's where I'm heading.

You're a cab, you go where we say!

Dumb b*tch!

Ok, we have no choice.

What this?

Daddy!

Hi daddy!

What's wrong?

Don't worry, we'll find him.

Come!

Thank God!

I couldn't, Feruz...

I couldn't.

It doesn't matter.

I can't kill children.

I won't kill grown-ups either.

I won't be happy in paradise

if I kill people.

So I throw bomb

in big river over there.

Shame on us, Feruz.

Jafaraz will cut off our heads

with rusty knife

on village square!

What if...

we didn't go back?

What if we stayed here?

But Dada...

What about Dada?

Jafaraz said

he unleash hell on him.

He's old.

Yes, he's old.

He's very old.

Hey, you lovebirds...

Get a hotel room.

The hospital now?

Look...

I found my kidney!

- Come on.

- Let's go.

Wait...

Can we look at tower first?

We'll come back. It's not going away.

You never know.

What's so funny?

Nothing.

Why it called Eiffel Tower?

The architect's name

was Gustave Eiffel.

He made some crazy stuff!

Look at those two!

He look like...

Little Leader Wassupbro!

- What they do?

- You!

Look at bag!

- They bring bomb!

- What's going on?

Traitors!

- Terrorists!

- Call police. They have bomb!

They have bomb!

Go on, Muzafar!

Like in rugby!

Long live Taboulistan!

- Damn...

- What do now?

I one kidney short.

Best I take risk.

No, my fault we here!

Stop arguing. Today,

I take care of us.

Run, Feruz!

Out of way!

Go away!

Run!

What he do?

Sh*t...

There you go.

That's how my adventure in France

came to an end.

Poor little Feruz.

A terrorist attack narrowly avoided

at the Eiffel Tower.

Luckily, everyone spoke

about my heroic deed.

Even Guillaume Auda.

Marianne was very professional

in her first live report

despite her emotion.

Thanks to the sacrifice

of two undocumented immigrants,

France still has her greatest symbol.

Feruz Ayayaz, a goatherd

aged 35 from Taboulistan,

a cheerful man

fond of dancing and goats...

The news even reached them at home.

But just where is Taboulistan?

It's a small land in Central Asia

between Afghanistan,

Tajikistan and Kirghizstan.

Our genius was finally recognized

by the whole world.

...proud of inventing

tabbouleh over 1,000 years ago.

And so Taboulistan became

the 194th member of the UN.

The Great Leader was delighted.

And for the last time

because the next day,

with the Revolution,

they cut off his head!

Kachetebrul found fortune at last

by becoming the country's

top tourist destination!

Dada was very happy.

400 euros. My son!

Jafaraz tried

to flee the country but...

he had a slight mishap

on his way to Switzerland.

But France was the country

that paid me the greatest tribute.

I even had the honor

of being received

at the home of the great leader

of all the French.

Who is in fact a woman.

The French really are crazy!

That hurts.

Muzafar gave a speech

and said lots of beautiful things.

Why did you do it?

Goddam desert dune dickwad!

You will stay

forever in my heart.

If ever I have children,

I'll call them all Feruz.

Even the girls!

In Taboulistan, when someone die,

people have party.

So, for Feruz,

traditional dance,

the Tawa!

As for me, my friends,

don't worry, everything's fine.

Since I saved hundreds of lives

I was sent straight

to paradise!

Where I haven't seen

a single virgin or a mature woman.

Nor any terrorists either.

However, the all-you-can-eat buffet

is awesome!

Lemonade, Coke, Oaziz...

It's interesting.

What?

We said not hit woman!

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