Waking Up in Reno Page #2

Sell the son of a b*tch

like brand-new when we get back.

- [Laughs]

- See what I'm sayin'?

- You're my hero.

- What do you think, Ronnie?

- These wheels are sweet.

- Yeah, they are, ain't they?

[Engine revs]

Whoa! Whoa!

- You crazy?

- [Tires screech]

Hey, you guys!

Hey, Lonnie Earl,

where the hell have you been?

I haven't seen you in days.

Well, you know,

they keep me hoppin'. Yeah.

Oh, Lonnie Earl,

I got to stop by work

on the way out of town.

What are you talkin' about?

DARLENE:
Roy got in a little bit

of trouble with daddy again.

It ain't got nothin' to do

with your daddy, baby.

- Yeah, well...

- Hey... you serious?

It ain't gonna take

but a minute.

You see this?

It's a TripTik.

It's called a TripTik.

Now, I took the trouble

to call AAA

and have them figure out

everything for us...

the whole schedule...

so we're gonna stick to it.

Everybody needs to read that

loud and clear, you understand?

DARLENE:

Honey, don't get so uptight.

I'm not uptight!

[Metal rattling]

[Steam hissing]

[Indistinct shouting]

Mr. Kirkendall?

Mr. Bush is as mad

as a riled-up bull

about that Beefy Nibby thing.

I didn't mean to put on

the wrong labels.

And I just feel plumb awful

about it, sir.

I need this job.

What if he fires me,

Mr. Kirkendall?

You ain't gonna get fired.

I promise you, okay?

Everybody makes mistakes.

I mean, hell, look at me.

Just ask my mama, okay?

[Laughs]

[Machinery whirring]

Good to see you, sweetie pie!

Lonnie Earl, that car's

runnin' great. Thanks.

Good deal, Fred.

Darlene...

you're lookin' beautiful,

as always.

DARLENE:

Thank you, Fred.

[Bell rings]

Roy...

you bumble-dick gourd head.

How about you, Fred?

Nice morning, ain't it?

Damn it, boy,

don't take that tone with me.

I will slap the taste

out of your mouth.

Do you even have any inkling

why you're here?

Well...

...no.

I have got 200 cases

of Ocean Delight

that are labeled

"Beef and Cheese Nibbies."

You tell me how the hell

somethin' like that happens.

Oh, no.

I am sorry.

It is my fault.

I got the cans mixed up,

and then Candy paged me,

and I had to... well...

[Telephone ringing]

I forgot.

But then why did you go ahead

and ship 'em?

We're talkin' about

cat lovers here, boy.

When the cat lover opens

the Beef and Cheese Nibbies,

he expects to find

Beef and Cheese Nibbies,

not a f***in' Ocean Delight!

Understood?

Yes, sir.

And just where in the hell

were you yesterday afternoon

- when all this was happenin'?

- He was at the house.

I needed him for something.

Oh?

Well, okay.

Why? What...

Wasn't nothin' wrong,

was there?

No.

You see... No, sir.

She's just checkin'

for when she's ovulatin'

because we know how much

you want that grandbaby,

so when she pages, I come.

[Steam hissing]

I mean... I go.

[Chuckles nervously]

Well, you know what I mean.

[Bell rings]

I don't even want to think

about that.

Just get the hell out of here.

LONNIE EARL:
I'm glad

we're finally on the road.

Here's to a big ol' time.

Look out, Reno.

We're gonna put some hair

on the wall.

[Siren wails]

Well, sh*t on a stick.

It's just Russell and Boyd.

We're gonna be out of here

in a heartbeat.

All right, sir...

[Both laugh]

Hey, Lonnie Earl!

I didn't know that was you.

How is everybody?

How about you, Russell...

Boyd?

Hi, Candy.

Ooh-ee, man.

This is one fine vehicle

you got here.

Has that got that dick massage?

No.

Don't you start with me.

Listen, we're in kind of

a hurry.

We're goin' out of town

on vacation.

Whereabouts you goin'?

Reno, Nevada.

Y'all goin' to that

Monster Truck Jam out there?

Check this son of a b*tch out.

Lucky sons of b*tches...

goin' to the biggest

little city in the world.

Of course, that is

if we get there in time.

I'd love to sit here and talk

to you all day long.

You know that, don't you, Boyd?

But we got to get on the road,

so why don't you just let us go?

You know you ran

that stop sign back there.

I've been runnin' that

since I been drivin', Russell.

Everybody runs that damn sign.

- I know I do.

- [Laughter]

- See?

- Damn it, Boyd.

Look, Lonnie Earl,

I understand that and all,

but... you just shouldn't do it

right in front of us.

Just look at you...

you're sittin' there,

you're drinkin' that beer like

we was at the drive-in movies

and I wasn't wearin'

this here badge.

This is my first beer

of the day. I swear to God.

- I'll vouch for him.

- See?

- Me too, Boyd.

- Me three.

Come on, Russell.

Everybody makes mistakes.

Come on, Russell. Sh*t.

You know how fond of beer

you are, don't you?

[Laughing] Hey, now.

Right?

Isn't he, Boyd?

[Laughing] Oh, he hates it.

Swear to God.

- [Laughter]

- What are you laughin' at?

Why don't I just hop up

on top of this truck

and unstrap a couple cases

and give it to y'all,

and let's call it even...

you know, as friends?

I wouldn't call that even.

I'd call that a bribe.

[Doors close,

indistinct voices on radio]

Buckle up!

[Introduction to "Stickshifts

and Safety Belts" plays]

[Glass breaks]

Stick shifts

and safetz belts

Bucket seats

have all got to go

When we're

driving in the car

It makes mz babz seem

so far

I need zou here with me

Not waz over

in a bucket seat

I need zou

to be here with me

Not waz over

in a bucket seat

[Train whistle blows]

If anybody's got to piss,

let's do it now,

'cause we don't stop again

for a while.

You want me to get

these bottles and toss 'em?

Well, hell, no.

We can get deposit on them.

Just pump the gas.

Yes, sir.

Lonnie Earl, can I get

some wine coolers?

Why can't you drink beer

like everybody else?

I told you...

it's full up in there.

We ain't got room

for a bunch of wine coolers.

I wouldn't mind havin'

one of them wine coolers.

[Horn honks in distance]

[Sighs]

Buy some damn

wine coolers, then.

I don't know why you like

to drink them things.

Sissy sh*t.

Hell, yeah, girls.

There you go.

You too, Roy.

Just pile it the hell on there.

I got plenty of money.

I'm Mr. Deep Pockets.

Does anybody else here

want me to buy 'em anything?

[Candy laughs]

Ooh, look!

Bob Barker is datin' another one

of them Barker Beauties.

That old man can't keep it

in his pants.

He ought to take his own advice

and get it neutered.

I say more power to him.

You would.

At least he's gettin' him some.

RO Y:
Darlene! Hey, Darlene!

It's an Oklahoma shot glass.

You got one of these?

No, we don't.

I doubt you're gonna find

one of these anywhere else.

We don't need

another damn shot glass.

All they do is

collect dust anyhow.

Put that back and let's go.

We're gonna have to make up some

time before lunch, all right?

Hon, would you like me

to help you bag up some of this?

DARLENE:
Since Lonnie Earl

planned the trip,

he decided to stop in Amarillo

so could eat

this 72-ounce steak.

Of course,

his $50 bet with Bill Moore

was the real reason

we were stopping there.

I swear that husband of mine

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