Walk of Shame Page #6

with your own hamburgers

and try to sell it to them.

You know why?

Because they already got

their own hamburgers.

Okay. They're not gonna look at

your hamburgers and be, like,

"Oh, sh*t! She's got hamburgers.

That looks like a good deal.

"Maybe I can buy them,

turn around

"and sell them

for twice as much."

But crack is all

the same, right?

I mean, look,

it's just this little thing.

Put that sh*t away. What

the f*** are you doing,

trying to set me up?

I'm saying that it

would be very easy

to pass off as your own crack.

It's probably all from

the same place, isn't it?

Where the f***

did you get that stuff?

Well, technically,

I got it from Pookie

who, I'm sure,

got it from Scrilla.

Scrilla?

Yeah. It's his crack.

You want to unload Scrilla's

sh*t on my corner?

Pass it off as my own?

You got a death wish, lady?

Yo, Ladeke!

What? Who's Ladeke?

You don't need to call him.

Deal with this sh*t.

School this b*tch right now.

You're in the wrong territory.

This is the Figueroa Crew, man.

I'm going. No, no, no!

You don't want my crack?

I'm not done with you. I didn't

know the dealer etiquette.

Come back here, man.

I'm getting on the bus!

You want to disrespect me?

Yo, Ladeke!

What am I, a sparrow?

When I whistle,

you got to respond!

You can't be behind the line.

This line?

There's two sides.

Is this the side?

You're on the wrong side.

Oh. Okay, okay, great.

$1.50.

You, blondie.

Uh... Yes. Yes. $1.50.

Such a good, round number.

Where's your money?

Oh. It's... You know what?

You can just keep going.

It's here somewhere.

Shame.

Are you talking to me?

Have you no shame?

I don't know

who you think you are,

Judgey Judgey Judgeyson,

but I am...

You know, don't...

I'm just trying to get to work.

Why don't you get

your pimp to drive you?

These people are good people.

Oh, I'm sorry. I missed the

sign, "Good people only."

How do you know

what is in my soul?

Oh, I can tell. I can tell.

Hey! $1.50.

Okay. Does the $1.50 need

to be paid at every stop?

Or does it cover

the entire journey?

Are you for serious?

I am for serious.

Do you take credit cards?

Yeah, you can swipe it

right there.

Really? That is an amazing innovative

technology that you can just...

Do you take debit cards?

Do you have a debit card?

I do not.

Listen, I'm going to

give you some advice.

Sure.

You might want to think

about another line of work,

because you

ain't no good at this.

If you ain't even

got $1.50,

you probably should think

about retiring as a whore.

And if you do scrape up $1.50, use

it to buy yourself a sandwich.

That's the reason

you can't turn no tricks.

Because you ain't got

no meat on your bones.

Now, that advice was free.

But this ride is $1.50.

So you can pay that or you

can get your ass off my bus.

Okay. But here's the thing.

I just need to get as far away from

this gang territory as possible.

Really?

If you want, I can sit down

and tell you the whole story.

Okay. Now.

No, no. You don't

have to get up.

You ain't nothing but

a skinny crack whore!

Now get your ass off my bus!

I am not a crack whore.

Hmm.

Oh, that's...

You know what?

But this is part of that

long story that I

wanted to tell you about.

Okay. Ugh!

Yuck!

You did good.

All right, here it is.

Could I conduct

the interviews this time?

Hey, knock yourself out.

X22. Latest report

has Caucasian woman in yellow dress

ejected from municipal bus 32,

Western line.

This sounds like

a psychotic break.

That's pretty good there,

Dr. Phil.

X22 responding.

Hey, Dan.

Yeah?

I'm just working on the

new Granny Bandit story.

Oh. Granny's old news.

I think we have

a better story brewing.

The discord

at this year's G8 summit?

Don't be a smartass.

The network is coming

to see Meghan today.

We have to do a great show.

Yeah.

Have you seen her yet?

Nope.

Did you try and call her?

Yeah, several times.

All right. If you were Meghan

Miles, where would you be?

Nothing to see here.

Lord?

Hello?

Hello. Hello. Hi.

Hi.

Can you help me?

But this is a place of worship, right?

A house of God?

You're a rabbi.

No.

Oh, you're not a... Isn't

that what they're called? No.

You are obviously a temptress

sent here to test my faith.

Oh.

Stimulation is a distraction

from, and an offense to, God.

And with an uncovered head.

And this dress.

I shouldn't look. Okay.

Can you please just go?

Come on.

You're telling me

in this day and age,

you're not going to let me use

the bathroom or make a call,

or give me bus fare?

Yeah. I just need $1.50.

No, no. Look. There are no

women allowed in there, okay?

Women are kept

separate from the men.

In fact, our men aren't even

allowed to hear a woman sing.

It's just bus fare.

That's really all I need.

No one will know.

There's no one here.

It's just us.

Okay. Look,

of all the prohibitions,

I love the female voice

mixing in the wind.

The lilt. The sweetness.

Now, I know I cannot touch.

But cannot my ears touch?

A small price of $1.50 would

eagerly be paid for such a delight.

Forbidden, though it is.

Please don't stop.

Moshe, what's happening here?

Hello. I don't know.

She just appeared.

She wants money.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. I

sang for you and you owe me.

What's that?

He called you a witch.

Okay. What is wrong

with you?

Come on. You got to have some

money in your pocket somewhere.

No, no, no, you can't!

- Wait, wait! Mekasafa!

- Stop her!

Possible hate crime at Wilshire Chad...

Chabad!

Chabad.

Chabad.

Sh*t.

Chabad.

Synagogue.

Chabad?

It's a place of worship.

Caucasian woman

in yellow dress seen...

Hi.

Do you...

Hi.

I don't have...

Leave me alone.

Okay.

Hi. I'm Gordon.

You are so not her type.

I get it, though.

You guys want to come in?

What is this, an artist loft?

Are you a hipster?

Uh... No, not a hipster. I can't

grow a convincing enough beard.

Oh, my God. A single

man with a cat. Wow.

She's a rescue.

What a guy.

Why do you look so familiar?

I was also your

bartender last night.

I gave you all your seven

or eight rounds of shots.

Oh! So, you stalk them, get them

drunk, then you take them home.

That is not

how it happened, okay?

She needed help. I was trying to help her.

And we...

Well, we kind of hit it off.

Denise,

four-point douche test. Go.

What?

Have you ever been

to a strip club?

Yes, but they

make me uncomfortable.

What do you call your penis?

My penis.

That's hot.

Denise, focus.

Sorry.

How do you feel

about Robert Pattinson?

Not my favorite actor.

You shut your mouth.

Okay.

Can I get a "Whoop, whoop"?

Whoop, whoop. No. Don't

ever do that again.

Lastly, what would

you rather do?

Kill an innocent dog

or cheat on your girlfriend?

Cheat on my girlfriend.

I'm not going to kill an innocent dog.

That's sick.

You passed!

Okay. So, we're good?

Can I get a hot chocolate?

Not so fast.

Which one is Karlin?

Hi, Dan. Josh Feldman.

CNB.

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