Walking and Talking Page #6

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as they're driving home?

- [Raspberry]

- No, she's right.

- Right. Okay.

- Right? I mean,

we're having it here.

- Why wouldn't we have it

facing the lake?

- I think so too.

- No. Absolutely.

- Of course. It's amazing.

Look, it's beautiful here.

- It's beautiful...

- Oh, my God, the light on your face.

- I mean, we have to pick a spot.

- What about... You know,

the dress will be kind of cool.

- Excuse me?

- [Both Chattering At Once]

Ladies? Excuse me.

Do I have a say

in all this?

- No.

- No.

- Are you goin' to the lake?

- Yeah. Aren't you comin'?

No, I can't. I'm being

evaluated on Monday.

- I have to be more prepared

for my sessions.

- Won't be the same without ya.

- Thank you.

- Have fun.

Andrew's a crack-up.

Didn't you guys go out for a while?

Yeah. Like,

eight months ago.

So what happened?

How come it didn't work out?

- Wanna know what happened?

I think I know what happened.

- What?

It didn't work out

because I bought him

this pair of black pants.

- [Laughing]

What does that mean?

- Well, um...

We were seeing each other

for, like, a month,

and it was Christmastime,

and he didn't have any money.

As usual. And, uh,

he saw this pair of pants...

that he really wanted,

that he somehow thought would

improve his life, : I don't know.

So what happened?

So he was hinting and hinting,

and so I finally went out

and bought him these pants.

- And I... I hid them in a box

under my bed.

- [Laughs]

I was really nervous.

'Cause, you know,

I didn't know... I didn't know

if he was gonna get me anything.

I didn't know if our...

our relationship...

- was in the present-giving

stage or not.

- Mmm.

But I... I figured, f*** it,

you know.

It's nice to be giving.

It's nice to give him something.

So I will.

But, um, we never made it

to Christmas, 'cause a week

after I bought him these pants,

he started acting all panicky

and distant.

And then he said that he thought

we should cool it.

What?

What's the matter?

Mmm?

Have you... Have you

gotten that checked?

Did you see a doctor?

No. I forgot.

How could you forget?

You know, it could be

cancerous or something.

I forgot, okay?

I'll... I'll see somebody next week.

No, you won't. You always

say you're gonna do things

and then you never do them.

Laura, I don't always

say anything. I...

God!

Who do you think you are?

Do you think I have no feelings?

No, I know you have feelings.

I just don't want you to die

from a birthmark.

Yeah? Well, it's...

It's my birthmark.

All right? It's my body.

- You know, this isn't even

about the birthmark, is it?

- It is.

It is. That's all...

That's all it's about.

Are you sure?

I'm sorry.

- [Screams]

- What? What! What! What!

- What is it?

- God, I don't know.

- Jesus Christ!

- I'm sorry.

You know, you've got me

walking on eggshells!

I can't even kiss you...

without thinking that

I'm doin' something wrong,

and then you scream like that!

Is that what you mean by

spicing up our sex life?

- I didn't scream.

- Yes, you did scream.

Okay, I screamed. But it

wasn't in disgust. Come on,

come back. Honey, come on.

Frank?

What happened?

He's moving out.

He's going to stay at a friend's.

What friend?

F*** if I know.

He has no friends.

Uh, I can't believe

this is happening.

Honey, is this

because of that patient

that you're attracted to?

Wha... No!

I'm just a total

f***ing mess.

Where... Where were you

the other night when I came by?

Frank... Frank thought

you were with me.

I know.

I was with a guy.

You know him.

He's the guy...

He's the guy... waiter

from the restaurant, that place.

You were with the waiter

who flirts with you?

- It wasn't like that.

- [Scoffs]

He was nice and he was

funny and he was an actor.

He was a bad actor.

He was a real bad actor.

Not that I know about

that kind of thing,

but he seemed like

a really bad actor to me, anyway.

- [Laughing]

- Are you serious?

Well, I really don't

need you judging me.

I knew you

wouldn't understand.

You think getting married

is the be-all and end-all

to life, and it's not.

I don't understand, Laura.

I...

You have some great guy

at home mooning over

your f***ing socks,

and you're out sleeping

with some stupid actor?

Who said I was

sleeping with anybody?

I went to a play!

Forget it. Okay?

Just forget I ever said

anything. Just forget it.

- Bye-bye.

- Don't.

- Forget it.

- [Phone Rings]

- Hello?

- [Man] How you doin', baby?

- You wanna get f***ed, don't you?

- Hello?

Bend over. Bend over.

I'm comin' over there.

Oh, man, you're so hot.

Oh, I know you're hot!

Oh, oh...

Laura. Laura, I just got

an obscene phone call.

- So hang up.

- I did. I'm creeped.

[Phone Rings]

[Sighs]

[Ringing Continues]

- What, pervert?

- [Heavy Breathing]

- Are you there?

- I want you to take those

clothes off. I'm comin' over.

- Oh, I really want...

- Who is this?

Oh, come on, I'm comin'!

[Moaning]

[Slams Receiver]

[Line Ringing]

- Hello?

- Andrew, it's me.

- Are you back?

- No, I'm in the country.

Listen, I'm really scared.

- I just got two obscene

phone calls, and...

- So? Come on.

- I didn't think they had 'em

in the country!

- Of course they do!

- What if he comes here?

- Aw, c'mon! He's not gonna do that.

Listen, it's only an hour

on the train. Please.

- I hope he calls back.

- I don't.

What do you mean?

That's what I came here for.

I hate those sickos.

They're the lowliest,

slimiest... Hello, cookies!

Mmm. Papa likes.

I mean, it's one thing

to be sexually deviant,

but to hide behind the phone

like that, hey.

- [Phone Rings]

- Okay.

- C'mon. Hold that.

- Okay. Sound mean.

[Spitting]

- Hello?

- [Click]

- He hung up.

- Ah, good!

- Let's star 69 him.

- Yeah. [Laughs]

Oh, boy!

You got a rotary phone.

[Laughs]

Okay. First of all, you licked

my goddamn ears too much.

- Oh, sh*t! I thought

you liked that!

- [Clearing Throat]

No. It was wet, it was nasty

and it wasn't sexy at all.

- And I didn't like it.

- [Laughing] Oh, God!

- Yeah.

- How humiliating.

- See? I told you.

- You wanna know what you did

that drove me crazy?

- In a good way?

- [Laughs] Yeah, you wish.

You used to stick your finger

in my belly button.

Why would you do that, man?

God, it was so annoying. It even hurt.

[Laughing]

- I never did that.

- Yes, you did.

You're thinking

of somebody else.

I'm sorry!

I am!

- I'm serious... That's my...

- Ohh!

- Shh!

- You shush. This is my house.

[Laughing Loudly]

Ohhh?

Your house?

Okay.

Tell me something

you liked. Hmm?

That's more embarrassing.

- Exactly.

- Okay.

I liked the way

that you kissed like me.

You kissed good.

- I did?

- Yeah.

Don't you think we kissed good?

- Yeah. [Giggles]

- Huh!

- Let's go swimming! Yes, yes!

- Oh, swimming.

Oh, oh, swimming. Aaah!

- [Amelia Laughing]

- Hello.

[Andrew]

Swimmin'! Whoo!

[Whooping]

Aah. Ouch!

- Ohh!

- It's cold. It's cold!

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