Walter Page #3

I'm actually... I'm... I'm a

little hard right now,

having just experienced

the joy of watching you do

your thing, man!

That was great!

My mom says that you're supposed

to treat women with respect,

and talk to them about things

that they're interested in.

And Kendall sells Junior Mints...

Oh, God, hey,

I know you're all in love with

her and sh*t, it's cool.

I get it. But, I should

let you know that, umm,

as your co-worker, and I like

to think as your friend, that...

I'm probably gonna

nail that at some point.

Like, really hard!

Oh yeah, she got a crazy side.

Has some sort of breakdown

or something

at that fancy-ass college

she was going to.

Yeah, plus, I heard

she ain't talked to her dad

since she tried

to go pro as a cutter.

You know what I mean?

Yeah. I kinda like that.

Unstable b*tches

are the sh*t, bro.

You know, I don't want

to ruin, you know,

what you and I have,

'cause I like to think that

you and I have like

a Of Mice and Men thing.

You know, I'm George.

Or Lennie. Whichever one

isn't the f***in' retard,

and I don't wanna

ruin that, you know?

So, for... for your sake,

and for our sake, really,

just try not to picture her

riding my dick.

Even though it's

totally gonna happen.

Yo, Kendall!

You pictured it. Ah, it's cool,

man. You're welcome.

I didn't picture it!

I didn't picture it.

I do.

Most people seem really worried

about being alone.

I guess I can understand

how someone can see life

as random and meaningless.

Even cruel, at times.

So it makes sense

they'd spend most,

if not all of their time,

doing their best to ensure

they don't have to go

through it by themselves.

Safety in numbers, I suppose.

Not sure I understand the rules

of this particular game,

but I'm pretty sure

we're both losing.

So, how'd it go with the girl?

Fine.

You sure about that?

Go away!

Make me.

You know I can't do anything...

We've got a big day

ahead of us, Walter.

Figure we should get going soon,

so I can get you back

in time for work.

Back?

You do have, like,

adults' clothes, right?

Back from where?

Huh? Field trip.

What?

A Son of God, I would think

a clothing allowance

would be in order.

Why are we... I'm not going

on a field trip with you.

You're not even real!

I have a therapist now.

Ohh. Yeah, you know, he's...

gonna fix this, so...

I'm not going anywhere with you,

and even if I did,

I'm not capable of sending you

to Heaven or Hell,

so you're just gonna have

to get help with your problem

from someone else.

Okay?

Huh? Sorry, didn't catch

most of that,

I was too busy suffering from

the weight of ten years

of unrealized post-death

eternity to hear you.

Care to run all

that by me again?

That's the best you got?

I can't wear that.

A church?

Stop messin' with your suit,

you look fine.

I do?

No, but we're late.

You never told me how.

How what?

You were able to find me.

Mysterious ways, I guess.

I still don't know

what we're doing here,

and I haven't been inside a

church since Jim's funeral,

and I just... I don't...

the suit's really uncomfortable!

It's making my thighs

all sweaty,

and I don't understand what...

And then we'll go

through your vows.

You've both written them

by now, yes?

We'll have them done

by tomorrow, I promise.

This is weird, we shouldn't be here.

Not yet.

"Wind Beneath My Wings",

a capella.

Look, we should leave.

Okay, alright,

and then we'll have the

presentation of the rings.

That's your cue.

And, uhh...

Mason.

...don't chew gum throughout

the ceremony...

Who's Mason?

My son.

Baby girl. Goddamn

beautiful baby girl.

You have a family?

Had. Had, yeah.

Now, to her credit,

it took her almost

a decade to re-marry.

All this time,

you've just been...

I don't stalk 'em or anything.

Anymore. I just keep tabs.

Make sure everyone's okay.

I mean, the new guy's

a little stiff.

Pretty sure he's breathin'.

So...

So what?

Where are they headed?

You... you mean...

I'm assuming that you

judge 'em one by one.

You don't have, like,

an afterlife family plan

or anything, right?

Look, this isn't, really...

So, they're gonna be okay?

I...

I mean...

She's not perfect.

But for whatever it's worth,

she doesn't deserve Hell.

And if you even think about

f***ing over

either one of my kids...

I can't talk about it.

What?

Other people's judgements

is not for anyone else to know.

Come on.

I can't.

That's my f***in' family.

Not anymore!

And you're off to start your

life as husband and wife,

happily ever after.

Sound like a game plan?

Thank you!

I'm sorry.

No, that's good.

That's good. It's... you know

you got your rules.

Certainly convenient.

Where are you going?

I'm late for work!

Nothing to worry about, kiddo.

Just some more tests.

Tests for what?

Well... come here.

They wanna know if

I'm really from Mars,

or if I'm just weird.

You should get tested too.

You're weird. Are you weird

or just a Martian, Walter?

Jim Benjamin.

Jim Benjamin.

Wish me luck.

Okay, uhh, do you know

the number?

Yeah. I just need you to sign for that,

it's the top form.

And then, uhh,

I'll be back in a bit.

Alright. Sorry!

Thank you.

Oh, man, you're making this sh*t

too easy on me, Rain Man.

Hey, by the way,

you're late, motherf***er.

What?

Wally!

Wally.

Hello, Kendall.

How's your day going...

so far... today?

Umm, it's... it's good.

Yes, it's, uhh,

it's good so far.

Good.

Hey, tell me to just

shut up if I'm prying,

or anything, but the

past couple days,

you've seemed a little off,

or something.

I'm fine, thank you.

Cool suit you got there.

It's too small.

And very uncomfortable

in a variety of places,

and it's making my thighs

continue to sweat even though

I'm now in a very well

air-conditioned building.

I feel weird now.

No, Wally...

Goodbye.

Well, well, well,

you are exactly...

You're late.

Which means you have to do

Vince's sh*t-work.

But I'm the ticket-taker/

ticket-tearer.

Sorry, Miho,

I don't make up the...

What is... what are

you wearing?

A suit.

I didn't even know

you had other clothes.

It's too small.

Yeah, a little bit.

At least pretend to be

a little rattled.

I'm a ghost, man!

You owe me that much.

I'm working.

Yeah, apparently.

You made me late.

So?

I'm never late.

Hey, I'm sorry, but...

What's the Son of God doing

working at a movie theatre?

Shouldn't you be, like,

curing lepers or something?

Miracles were phased out

over a thousand years ago.

I'm pretty sure lepers don't

go to the movies very often.

Never answered my question.

The lobby offers constant access

to new people for judgment.

Just makes sense to work here.

Bullshit!

There'd be like three times

as many people

at McDonalds or the

f***in' DMV. Why here?

He used to take me here a lot.

Who?

Jim.

Who's Jim?

Even after he got sick.

"A nice escape from reality,"

he called it.

Walter...

So now I work here.

But instead of doing

my cineplex duties,

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