Wanderland Page #3

It'll only take a second.

I just...

I need to call a cab.

I can't tie up the business

line with personal calls.

What if I let everyone in here

make personal calls, hmm?

Okay.

Might I use your restroom?

Customers only.

I would like one scoop

of rum and raisin, please.

Plain or sugar?

Cup.

Uh, where do you think

you're going?

Bathroom.

I have to ring you up first.

You want me to wait and go in

the bathroom with my ice cream?

I have to ring you up first.

Fine.

Three seventy-nine.

I just realized that I left

my wallet somewhere, okay?

So you're not gonna buy it?

Well, I guess not.

What am I supposed

to do with this?

It's melting.

Excuse me?

I scooped this for you.

It's yours.

I didn't even touch it.

Just put it back.

Can I just put it back?

- Sure, you can!

- Then who's gonna want it?

That'd be like eating

someone else's chewed gum.

That's nothing like eating

someone else's chewed gum, sir.

Mom!

[woman] What is it, Donny?

He said he wanted

to use the bathroom.

I told him the bathroom

is only for paying customers.

- Okay, slow down.

- But he said he's gonna buy ice cream.

- But then he said he doesn't want it.

- Slow down.

But now, it's melting!

- Donny...

- I don't know what to do!

In the freezer.

[exhales]

You say you lost your wallet?

Look, I don't even care

about the ice cream.

I just came in here to try and use

the phone so that I can call a cab,

which is irrelevant now

because I don't have a wallet!

Do you need the freezer too?

No!

I'm fine!

So you wanted an ice cream

to make you happy?

No, I only ordered

the ice cream

because otherwise Donny wouldn't let

me use the customers only bathroom.

Donny, soft liquor.

Now, you let this poor boy

who's had a difficult night

go and use our potty.

Thank you.

[toilet flushing]

Everything come out all right?

From the speed of things,

it was number one.

Yep.

Come join us for a treat.

Uh, no, I'd love to,

but I really gotta go.

I thought Donny told you that our

facilities are for customers only.

Join us.

Great.

Thank you.

Here you go.

Aah.

Aah.

Mmm.

Good, isn't it?

Creamy.

Mm-hmm.

Take another.

You know what?

I got this.

Oh.

- If you don't mind.

- [chuckles]

Mmm.

You know what?

This was...

Mmm. This was great.

Thank you.

Are you two friends?

Yeah. Yeah, we're friends.

Guess you're in the gang now.

[chuckles]

Donny doesn't have

many friends

what with taking care of the

store and taking care of me.

When Donny's daddy died,

it was just us.

So he doesn't get much

of a chance to get out.

That's too bad.

So I can tell

you ain't from these parts.

Yeah.

I'm just trying to get

to a party on Shelter Island

so I can find a person that knows

the address where I'm staying.

[sighs]

A party. That sounds fun.

Yeah, maybe Donny

can come with you.

I don't know about that.

You said you were friends.

And if you take Donny here,

you could use our car.

[ice cream truck jingle playing]

How do you turn

this thing off?

It doesn't turn off.

It's stuck.

[man] One or two?

Excuse me?

One way or round trip?

This costs money?

Yeah. This costs money.

Seventeen for a round trip.

Sh*t!

You don't have any cash,

do you, Donny?

Awesome.

Thanks.

[ferry horn blowing]

We're sailing.

We're sailing!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Hi.

All right, we'll get in

there, just be quiet,

try and blend in

until I find this lady.

Just follow my lead.

[indistinct chatter]

[soft music playing]

Hi.

- Um...

- [music stops]

I... um...

I'm sorry. I didn't...

mean to crash your gathering.

Um, I was...

I was told I could find

a girl named Elspeth here.

[woman] A girl?

Exactly how old

do you think Elspeth is?

I'm sorry. I mean, a woman

named Elspeth.

I think this guy

saw a lot of ladies

and thought he was

gonna get some action.

[strumming]

Donny?

Donny, put it down.

[Alex] Donny?

Back some years in

Salt Lake City

A cake walk

At the church

Children ran free

On the hollow way

The young were never hurt

All the names

Of the streets have changed

The signs have fallen down

Now they are

Dryin' up the lake

That once named the town

Oh, I need

A miracle now

Yes, I do, Lord

Oh, I need

A miracle now

What?

[woman] You were

looking for me?

Elspeth?

Charles told me that

I could find you here.

[inhales]

Tender Buttons?

In his 70s,

he's about this tall.

I know what Charles looks like.

Miniature Schnauzer.

Really?

I don't see that.

He has a Miniature Schnauzer.

Puppy cup.

Okay, I get it.

[chuckles]

I get it. Um...

He said that Lisa Leonard

was a friend of yours.

I wouldn't really

call her a friend.

But you know

where she lives, right?

She's not here

this weekend.

I know that.

Actually, I'm staying

at her place

but I just,

I forgot her address...

How do you know her?

How do I know her?

We go way back.

[inhales]

Back to Jackie Gleason.

Jackie Gleason?

Yeah.

I rescued him

when he was a kitten.

You rescued Jackie Gleason?

Yes, I did.

You look harmless.

Thank you.

Okay.

It's 47 3 Ponds Road.

Thank you so much, Elspeth.

You have no idea.

You're welcome.

[ice cream truck

jingle playing]

- You sure this is right?

- Yeah.

Yeah, it says we're here,

47 3 Ponds Lane.

I'm sure her place is right

around here... somewhere.

I shouldn't drive down there.

That's how my car

got screwed up.

I'll just walk.

You know how to drive, right?

Yeah.

I'm not a kid.

So do you wanna go

to another party sometime?

Well...

I'm not out here

that often.

How often?

Never again.

Okay.

We're still gonna

be friends, though?

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's your e-mail address?

I don't have that.

Pen pals?

Pen pals?

Okay.

What's this?

Well, the ladies want me to

come to their gatherings now.

Do they?

Well, look at you, Donny.

You're kidding me!

God!

[mumbling in frustration]

Sh*t!

[train horn honking]

Jesus.

Oh. Uh, hey!

Hello? Hi. Excuse me.

Yeah, uh...

I'm lost,

and I was hoping

maybe you could help me

find where I am.

Come aboard.

We'll see if we can help.

Oh. Oh.

Thank you so much. I just

feel like I'm going...

crazy.

Welcome to the club.

Dan Tanner.

My wife, Sandy Tanner.

Charmed.

Coffee?

No, no, thanks.

Um, look, I'm just trying

to get to 3 Ponds Lane.

It's supposed to be

next to the beach.

By the beach?

You are nowhere

by the beach, my friend.

We're at bay side here,

miles away.

No. No, that's not possible.

The GPS in the car

told me I'm right there.

Ah, these things don't tell you

anything about the real world.

But don't worry.

I've got maps.

[Sandy chuckles]

He's really good at maps.

Come have a seat.

Oh, I couldn't.

Look, I'm... I'm sorry

to bother you guys.

Oh, we were already up.

Wow. You guys

stay up late.

We always wake up

with the sunrise.

Wait, it's almost dawn?

No, no, no.

Hours to go.

Uh, sunrise is at 5:47.

We like to make love

before dawn. It's just...

so much better that way.

Mm-hmm.

[hums dramatic tune]

I think I've solved

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