Wanderlust Page #3

Shames, Danielle Meltser,

Janie Brody, Billy Marcus,

Glen Stover, Tony Piloski,

and Janice Woo.

Meet Carvin. He's kind of the

lion around these parts.

So, have you lived here

this entire time?

Yeah, ever since I bought

the place in 1971.

Right. With nine of my friends.

Jerry Beaver, Stephanie Davis, Ronny

Shames, Danielle Meltser...

Those are the names you just said.

Yeah. Billy Marcus, Glen

Stover, Tony Piloski...

Those are all people you've

already named.

So, you don't have

to say them again.

Any of those people

still live here?

No, no. They're mostly dead.

Pretty much dead.

I'm going to go to bed.

Good night.

Dead but not forgotten.

I mean, who knows how many days

any of us have left on this Earth?

Right.

That's why I choose to fill my

life with nature and laughter

and friendship,

love.

This is some commune.

"Commune"?

Boo, hiss. We prefer the term

"intentional community. "

When you hear the word "commune,"

you think of a bunch of hippies

sitting around, smoking

pot and playing guitar.

Hey!

I'm Eva! Hi!

I hear you guys are from New York.

Fellow New Yorker.

Oh!

Yeah.

What do you know?

We're from the West Village. Yeah.

Waverly and Christopher.

The best neighborhood!

I know!

I know New York is a great city

but I do not miss that

lifestyle at all.

It was just stress and BlackBerrys

and sleeping pills.

I used to drink a triple latte

every morning just to wake up.

I see your point,

but I kind of value

the sleeping pill

and the BlackBerry and the latte.

You know, you can really get

trapped in that web of

beepers and Zenith televisions

and Walkmans and Discmans,

floppy disks and zip drives.

Laserdiscs, answering machines

and Nintendo Power Glove.

Wow, you know so much

about technology.

All right, the pond

behind the house

is just begging to be dipped in.

Skinny style.

Let's do it. Let's do it.

Yeah, let's...

You're unbelievable.

Skinny style!

George! George! Jump in, George!

Atta boy, baby!

I cannot believe...

I'm naked! I'm naked!

I'm sorry. My bad.

A lot of magical things

have happened

since you walked through

those doors.

Amen. My menstrual cycle

started back up again.

Stop. What?

And I don't even have a uterus.

I mean, I have it. It's in a jar.

It's actually in the room

that you're staying in.

This is great, actually, because

we actually totally forgot

to pack our uterus.

Hey, all right! I like your shirt.

Here.

No, man, I can't do that.

We share everything here.

Wow.

Who are these people?

I have no idea.

I'm just going with it.

God afton.

One! Two! Three!

Give it a nice push!

Oh, you guys.

Incredible night. Truly.

Do you take credit cards?

No, no, we all decided that

you paid us last night

with your friendship and honesty

and your stories.

I mean... That's so kind.

Do we get change back for that?

If we didn't need the money

so badly, we would insist.

Just remember, money buys nothing.

Nothing important, right?

No, no. Money literally

buys nothing.

I think you mean metaphorically.

No, literally. Nothing.

Literally, money buys most things.

No, nothing. Are you saying that...

I'm saying that literally, it...

No, but I'm saying, literally,

money buys nothing.

It buys nothing. You're right.

Money pays for nothing.

That's right.

But not literally. Honey.

And I don't want to hear that this

one slipped back into the world of

two-way pagers and VCRs and

The Arsenio Hall Show.

You can't express your feelings

by sending a letter through

a fax machine.

Oh, God.

I'm having a feeling.

Hey, man.

And the feeling is that

you guys should stay.

We can't.

Wow. That is so sweet.

You never hear that at Embassy

Suites, do you?

No, you don't.

Anyway, you don't have

to answer now.

Just suck on it for a while.

Yeah.

We'll mull it over.

Suck on it.

Wait!

I made this for you guys.

So you'll always remember Elysium.

Wow! What is it?

It's some sticks glued

to orange peels.

Bye!

L, George!

You the man! You the man!

Bye! We love you!

We love you!

Bye, guys!

Hi!

George and Linda! Oh, my gosh!

What happened? We were so

worried sick about you!

What happened?

What do you mean? We just

spoke an hour ago.

Oh, that was you.

I was too embarrassed

to say, "Who is it?"

There he is, my moron homeless brother!

Where's your cardboard box?

Get over here, I'm going to

fill up your soup bowl.

Come on, you lose your sense of humor

when you lost your apartment?

"But I want to stay in my apartment

"even though I can't

pay my mortgage. "

"I'm all upset. "

Linda, look at you, your

body is redonkulous.

Have you been working out? My God!

Rick, I think you're making

everybody uncomfortable.

Oh, everybody knows what I mean.

Hey, Tanner, come out here and say

hello to your aunt and uncle.

Hi, Uncle George and Linda.

Hey, Tanner! Wow, you're so big!

So I'm not five years old anymore.

It's such a freaking shocker.

Funny. Yeah.

What a shithead.

What's that over there? Is

that a margarita machine?

Oh, yes, this is my new very best

friend in the whole wide world.

I have a little bit of

a SkyMall problem.

Do you want one? I can

make you one. Please.

We normally have a 4:30 ritual

and I always say,

"Why have 5:
00 when you

could have 4:
30?"

Do you ever read SkyMall?

Yeah, when I'm on a plane.

Yeah. It's good reading.

Little more. Okay.

Keep going. Okay.

I thought you rented construction

equipment.

I do. Porta-Pottys.

What do you think, construction

workers hold it in all day?

Here's a little business model for

you, Mr. New York Fancy Pants.

They sh*t, I rake it in.

What, are you grossed out by money?

So, this is the new den,

and this is where I sit and

watch TV all day long.

Just wasting my life away.

Thank God for Wellbutrin, right?

I'm alone most of the time.

Rick work a lot?

Well, he entertains clients at

night or has affairs or...

I'm kidding, of course. Are you?

I have a dildo in here.

Feel free to use it and know

that it's clean because

I put it through the dishwasher

like Whoopi say to do.

Can we top these off?

Do you like hamburgers?

Rick's going to grill some

hamburgers this weekend.

I have mixed feelings

about being a parent.

Here you go, shithead.

Simple data entry.

Do they still use computers

in New York City?

Yeah. You want me to

enter this data?

Are you questioning me?

Don't question me.

Here, you're not my brother, you're

not my buddy, you're my employee.

Got it? Are you serious?

Am I serious? You're fired.

You're rehired, okay? Consider that

a warning shot. Get to work.

Paco, watch this guy, all right?

Do me a favor. Keep

your eye on Paco,

because I don't trust

these people, okay?

You're drinking already?

It's a mimosa. It's

a breakfast drink.

You know, it's kind of funny.

Because when we were kids, George

used to mooch off me.

And now that we're all grown up,

the mooching has begun again.

You win, Rick.

You got a big house, you're a big

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