Wanderlust Page #8

I'm going to throw down onto you

with my testicles.

Okay.

I'm going to get on it.

I'm going to get on it

and I'm going to get in it and

down it and through it.

It's going to be magically

delicious.

You're going to be my lucky charm.

Okay, just don't talk,

let's just...

I'm going to get a big old

brimming bowlful of f***

on your b*obs.

George, let's just...

I'm going to lick your titties.

I'm going to lick your...

What? Can I lick it?

I'm going to slap you on the eye

with my cock.

I'm going to flick you in

the nuts with my balls.

I'm going to put my...

Put it on your neck.

I really don't...

That's... I'm going to pump

you with my gonads.

No.

That's a spicy meatball...

George, you know...

...in your spicy hole.

George, you're creeping me out.

I'm sorry. When I get nervous, I

sometimes just talk, and that's...

I'm sorry, let's...

Okay. George...

I really think you should

go take a minute.

No, I'm fine, I'm fine. I

don't think this is...

Just don't even worry about it.

Maybe we should do this

some other time.

Let's not. No, just

the head of it in.

It wouldn't even have to stay.

I'd just go, like, beep-boop.

Then technically, we did it.

Just a quick little...

You wouldn't even know.

No. No.

This is very important, all right?

We have to do this for Linda.

I'm sorry, George. I'm

just not into it.

I am.

Great.

Let's switch out. Okay?

I'm about to put my vag

all up on your dick.

Excuse me.

Hey, George.

Oh. Sorry.

Are you meditating or something?

No, not at all. Come join me.

You didn't feel like going on

the moon hike with everyone?

No, I'm taking a breather

from all that tonight.

Maybe it's divinely inspired

that you and I are here right now.

That's nice.

I can see that you

have a kind soul.

Are we...

Is this...

It's like Tantric or something.

I'm having my baby, George.

What? F***. No, you're not.

Yes, I am, George.

No, no, no. Stop doing that.

There's nothing to stop, George.

My baby is on its journey.

Oh, my God! All right.

I'll call the hospital.

No, no need.

I'm going to do this myself.

No! No, that's a bad idea.

It is the best idea the universe

has ever come up with.

This is the most natural thing

that can happen to a person.

I'm going to get Rodney.

No. He'll be here soon enough.

Look at the full moon right now.

It's luminous.

Oh, God!

Okay.

I'm opening like a lotus flower.

I'm passing out.

Are you okay? I'm passing out.

Okay.

Rough couple of weeks, huh?

No hard feelings about the

whole fly-swatting thing.

I would have done the same thing

if the tables were turned.

By the way, I just

f***ed your wife.

Hey, Eva and I are downstairs

flipping flapjacks.

You may want to get down there.

Thanks, Wayne. How about getting

your dick out of my face?

Is this coffee?

No, it's better than coffee.

It's kutcha root.

It tastes like cow sh*t.

George! It's so good to have

a joker in the house.

It's real sugar? It's not

bark or sand or anything?

There he is!

Look at him!

Oh, my God! So cute.

There he is.

What is that?

That's the placenta.

We keep the cord and placenta attached

until it falls away naturally.

And we're going to use

it to make some soup.

Okay, you know what?

That's ridiculous.

I can't do it. I can't

do this anymore.

Hey, whoa, whoa.

You need to simmer down and breathe,

brother. Take a load off.

No, why don't you simmer down? Why

don't you breathe, brother?

Whoa, George...

No! This is crazy!

I'm drinking dirt for breakfast.

There's no privacy anywhere.

Rodney, you owe me a car!

And, Almond, cut and

discard that sh*t

off of your infant immediately!

It's gross!

And, Karen, I hate to break it to

you, but flies don't feel pain.

Billions of them are

killed every day,

so blow me!

Fine! When?

And, Seth, where do I start?

George!

Linda! Are you still here?

Did your 10 a. m. f***

session get canceled?

Linda...

Ooh.

You wanted this.

You wanted to come back

here, we moved.

You wanted to dive headfirst into

everything that Elysium represented,

we did that.

You wanted to be free sexually,

I said "fine. "

So last night I do something that

I never ever expected

that I could do,

only because you encouraged it.

So how could you possibly

be mad at me

when all I did was

follow your lead?

Because it was a stupid idea!

I'm an idiot! Why would

you listen to me?

My God, we've known these

people for two weeks!

But I'm not the same person

I was two weeks ago.

You said to me, "Why can't

we be happy every day?"

I lied, okay?

I panicked, all right?

We were broke.

This place had food and shelter,

and it was way better than Rick's.

I'm admitting it. I thought

we could have fun here

but then you drank the Kool-Aid

and I can't stand it.

I want to support you, I do.

But I can't if it means

living here.

That might be a problem.

George, can I just read

a passage from my book?

I think it's relevant.

Wayne, no.

"John Belson sat in his car at

a stoplight at a crossroads. "

Wayne, your novel sucks. It sucks.

It isn't interesting, it isn't

entertaining, it isn't anything.

Come here. What's wrong with you?

I can't do this. I can't do it.

I can't have 15 people involved

every time we have an argument.

I miss meat, I miss

air-conditioning,

I miss going to the bathroom

and being able to shut a

door like most people.

I'm not the weird one.

I'm in the majority.

I'm leaving.

I'm staying.

Looks like it's time for

you to move on, brother.

This is mine!

It's okay.

Yo. Sherm, it's George.

Hey. I'm coming back.

Is that job still available?

Dude, there's no job.

I was just having some

fun with you.

I told you that there was a job

available that wasn't available.

I thought that would be funny.

Turn right onto State Route 320

and go 13 miles.

Lion, you here?

If I was an old man's deed,

where would I be?

Where is it?

What?

Jackpot.

Wrapped in Reynolds.

I should have known.

Stop.

Did you come alone?

Yes. Did you bring it?

When you told me you found the deed,

I was sure we were done for.

What changed your mind?

It's not my mind that's

changed, it's my heart.

I've met my soulmate.

I'm going to take her

away from here

and start a new Elysium in Miami.

Here.

It is not without some

hesitation that

I render my brothers and

sisters homeless.

And here is the amount

we agreed upon.

Okay.

Oceanfront property in

South Beach, Miami...

Never a bad investment.

Even in a recession.

I don't understand any of

your legal mumbo-jumbo

but I'm sure it's nothing

$11,000 can't fix.

Goodbye, hassles, hello, casino.

Now,

the piece of resistance.

It's hot. Careful.

It might have been easier just

to burn it in the first place.

Arriving at your destination,

on left.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh! There he is!

I knew you would find a way

to f*** up being a hippie.

Hello.

Marisa. Hi.

Is George there?

Yes, he's right here.

Do you want me to...

No, no. I just wanted to make

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