Wanderlust Page #9

sure that he's okay.

Don't actually tell

him I called, okay.

One more thing. Who is this?

Dear George, I took your

criticism to heart

and after some serious soul searching,

I concluded you were right.

It wasn't exciting, it

wasn't interesting,

so I spent the whole day

reworking the story.

I would love your notes. Be brutal

like you were before, okay, buddy?

Sincerely, Wayne.

Wait a minute. So...

Belson is in D.C.?

Washington, D.C.?

Yeah, that's it. He's a creature

of the Beltway.

Wow! I didn't see that coming.

That's an explosive twist.

We gotta talk about the

next phase of Elysium.

We need to take our

message out there.

We need to take Elysium

on the road.

I've just recently

put a down payment

on a small split-level

condo in Miami.

Wait a minute. We can't

leave this place.

The others will find their way.

This is insane.

I know. It is insane.

I am so glad you're

on the same page.

I thought I was the

one going crazy.

Now I feel like you're the one going

crazy, but I'm here to help you.

I am not crazy.

I'm not crazy either.

Well, I don't...

That makes two of us. Okay.

Let's just make love.

And then we'll talk.

No. I would rather not.

Yeah. I understand.

George. I remember him well.

What we will do, is we will

make love without touching.

You know what, I gotta go.

Wait, Linda...

God, Seth.

I was almost there.

I just figured out what George's

fortune cookie fortune would say.

"Confucius say when wife screw other

guy, husband must get rid of wife.

"She no good. The pork fried rice. "

What exactly did Mom do to you

that she didn't do to me?

Come on, I know it's offensive,

but you gotta admit, it's funny.

That's funny!

I'm not Chinese.

That's funny! AII I'm saying is

Linda is no good, screw her,

screw those hippie-dippies, with their

B.O. and their white dreads.

You have no idea, man.

Okay,

so you're complaining about Linda?

You're the one who wanted to

sleep with other people.

I didn't think she would

say yes! Bingo.

At least she had permission

before she cheated.

My husband has been f***ing at

least one woman on the side

ever since before our wedding.

What? What is that

supposed to mean?

You have a tracking

system in your car.

You never shut up about it, stupid.

Little reality shift, Rick?

Honey, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

No! Listen to me.

I love you, and I have sex with other

women because I love you so much.

I'm getting it out of my system.

I'm trying to protect you.

Are you kidding me? What

do you want me to do?

Do you want me to tell you every

time I sleep with somebody?

And then we have to deal

with that every time?

What is wrong with you?

George, back me up on this!

What are you doing?

What's that face...

Why are you doing that?

Are you pooping?

No, I'm crying.

That's not what crying looks like.

What do you want me to do?

Can you get the f*** out of my house

and out of my life forever?

That's it. Okay, thanks. Get out!

You're taking my infidelity

and making it about you!

Do you realize how

selfish you sound?

This is exactly why

I have to cheat!

I hate you. I want a divorce.

No, honey, no.

I left my wife at a commune.

What the f*** am I thinking?

I'm auditioning for Real

Housewives of Atlanta.

Are these your car keys? Yes.

Honey, you don't...

Wait! No! No!

What are you doing with my car?

We're family. It's our car.

Get out of the goddamn car!

My baby is all I got left!

That looks good. It looks

even. Centered?

I'm going to town. I'll

see you in a bit.

Bye, Linda.

Mmm.

Terrible, I know.

Steak at a diner.

It's like getting cognac

at a gas station

or a diner.

Carvin, please don't judge

me. I needed meat.

Hey, I come here every Sunday.

You can't live off of macrobiotic

bean curd sh*t your whole life.

The first time I snuck

away years ago,

I had a veggie burger.

The next time, chicken salad.

And then, two pounds of bacon.

Oh, my God!

Nobody knows about this.

Your secret is safe with me.

Who cares?

I've been in Elysium four decades.

Hell, I co-founded the place with

Jerry Beaver, Stephanie Davis...

Yeah, I know. All those people.

Billy Marcus, Tony Piloski...

All of them. All those people.

My point is you gotta do

what is right for you.

Don't get me wrong. Elysium

is an amazing adventure,

but sometimes I think

I missed out on something

that was even more real.

You know, more real.

Here you are, darling.

Mmm-hmm.

Wow! That's every member

of the meat family.

That's some kind of wurst. "Wurst"?

I don't know why they call

it "wurst. " It's the best.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Surprised to see you here, brother.

Where's Linda? I need

to talk to her.

I'm diving into the Linda

pool these days.

I only tell you this because

I love you, brother.

Move or I will run you over,

because f*** you, brother.

What the f*** are you doing?

Capoeira.

Although a beautiful form

of Afro-Brazilian dance,

it's also a devastating

form of self-defense.

Let's dance, brother.

Turn around, brother!

Let go of the wheel!

She's a beautiful spirit who has

evolved away from you, George.

What are you talking about?

You're so full of sh*t!

Wow! They make cars with

CD players now?

Wow, it's so great to see so

much of so many of you.

I don't know what's worse,

Marty's pasty ass, or Beverly's

Malbec Pinot blend.

This is great.

Everybody run!

Let go!

George!

Holy sh*t! Did you see that?

No, I turned away for one second.

Did I miss something incredible?

No! Who's in the car? I don't know.

Who is that? Seth?

I told you.

That's a very easy mistake to make.

Oh, my God. George!

George, what's going on here?

Wayne, hey! I read

the latest draft.

Really?

Incredible! Yeah? Thanks!

And that last sentence.

"Get me Senator McCIusky. "

Oh, my God! How did you

even think of that?

Lightning in a bottle

type of thing.

You know D.C. will

never be the same.

That's what I love about it.

But it doesn't spell it out.

Thank you so much for

saying that, man.

Well done, really.

Seth, are you all right?

Seth, what are you doing?

Stop punching me!

I'm not punching you.

I'm slapping you!

I wish there was something

we could do to help,

but we're non-violent.

What do we do?

Stop!

What happened to non-violence?

Violence is justified when it

serves the greater good.

That's very convenient.

This is not working! No sh*t!

What the hell are you doing?

Get off of him.

I came back to tell you I love

you more than anything.

Oh, honey.

Jesus! Can a person go

a day in this place

without getting a dick in the face?

I've heard that. Every day.

That's what I'm talking about.

Come on, George!

Get him!

You've progressed far

beyond George, Linda.

You're selfless, you're

pure, you're vegan.

I just had a steak at a diner.

In time, I can learn to

forgive you for that.

Let go of George!

Anything for you, my love.

You have to know that he asked

me to run away with him

and he said that you would

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