War, Inc. Page #4

- The actor?

- Better. The president of Ugi Gas.

Sorry. Just one minute.

I'm gonna pick this up in one.

Who do I have to shoot to get

a f***in' drink around here?

What are you looking at?

What are you looking at?

Get back to normal!

Natalie Hegalhuzen, Omar Sharif.

Exquisitely enraptured, ma chere.

- Pleased to meet you, too.

- Shall we dance?

How're you doin'?

How come we Americans a hard time?

An interesting conundrum, isn't it?

Very shrewd of you to ask.

What would I get for telling you?

The thrill of knowing you're my confidential source.

The thought of this leaves me breathless.

My dear, let me explain something to you.

The Americans had no plan.

Perhaps next year they will invade my country.

And then, they will either kill me or throw me in jail.

Or kill me in jail.

Or maybe make me president.

Or maybe make me president, then kill me.

That still doesn't answer you question.

Why hasn't the U.S. stopped the Ugi Gas pipeline?

See what you can find out about Operation Chickenhawk.

Chickenhawk?

Yeah, baby!

Get it out.

A message from the viceroy.

Freedom is messy.

Employees must wash hands before returning to work.

What stinks here?

Yeah. You look like piece of sh*t.

You smell like piece of sh*t.

You want some sh*t?

Where're you going? Night's young.

This place is crazy.

Would you like to come back to

my suite for a quiet drink?

Oh, no thank you, Omar. But I will

look into that thing about you told.

Enjoyed it.

- I think I'll go back to my hotel.

- Can I drive you?

Oh, no, that's okay.

Let me give you a lift.

I can help you. It's safer that way.

Please. I'll feel better.

When did all that construction start?

Oh. They're diverting the river Tures

so it runs by the trade show.

They wanted a clear view from

the Tiki Room. It's cute, huh?

What do you think of that girl, Yonica?

You don't wanna know.

- Come on. Try me.

- Okay.

I think that she's a sad little

girl who's been pimped out...

into a pathetic monstrosity of

alienated Western sexuality.

How do you feel about that, Mr. Hauser?

She's a disaster. This whole place is a disaster.

So, you're sleeping with her.

No.

Why not? She seems game.

It must be nice to be who you say you

are. To do things you believe in.

That's so simple. So clean.

It's like, you know: "why didn't I think of that"?

Well, it's hard not to feel like...

I'm always on the losing side.

Well, you are.

Yeah. It gets kinda lonely.

That's why you got all those peasants

and workers to keep you company.

I don't have that big a bed.

Tell me more.

I think that you should take me home now.

Yes, well...

thanks for taking me home.

Oh. Good night then.

Jesus, what was that?

I can't do that...

No. You yourself said, I just don't want to.

- Yeah. Sure.

- And good night.

Tomorrow can I see ya?

- Tomorrow?

- Yeah.

Reporter's Pool, ten a. m.

Progress update, people.

Banks West didn't even wait for the opening ceremony...

closing a one point 3 billion dollar deal...

with Roof Branch and Blossom to

restore essential water services...

to the people of Turaqistan!

Oh, come on!

I'm sure they'd like to give a shout-out

to the Tamerlane-Furg-Bomber...

Wing for, for those humane position strikes...

that created this wonderful opportunity for everyone.

So is this like a date?

This is like obscene.

There's something you can do

for me that would mean a lot.

Name it.

Get me a pass out of the Emerald City

so I can see what's really going on.

- Very dangerous.

- I wanna see Fallof.

Natalie, there's nothing there.

I wanna know if it's true that

Tamerlane used chemical weapons.

Isn't it a little late to be worrying

about international conventions?

Is nerve gas worse than getting your

head blown off by a laser missile?

Frankly, it's a nuance that's lost on me.

Besides they were cleared, just read the report.

We're trying to watch a battle here.

Sorry.

Come on, come on, come on.

Give me something. Give me something.

Anything's gotta be better than this Xbox bullshit!

Okay, okay.

These guys are big in the Turaqi arts community.

You know, the whole downtown scene?

Might give you a good lead.

I'm hit! I'm hit!

Where's the damn Medevac?

The Tamerlane custom E-Z missile mount can...

be adapted to fit over 200 automobile models...

I thought we were all set with the Ayatollah.

Pick it up, boys.

What do you mean he won't

do a mixed wedding? Who's mixed?

Yonica's Episcopalian? How the f*** did that happen?

Will the Sufi work?

Let me call you back. I got another call.

Just get a number for Cat Stevens.

Hello. Can you calm down? Yeah, he's right here.

Yoni... That was the girl.

She said she can't do the wedding if you're involved.

She thinks you don't like her.

- What?

- She can't work with you.

I'm on it, I'm on it. Okay.

And then Anderson Cooper,

Mr. Salt and Pepper Integrity...

is arriving today and, and all

we have left is a junior suite.

Is that okay? I mean, he is a Vanderbilt and everything.

There could be repercussions!

GuideStar!

You seem a little bit, Mr. Hauser.

Is everything all right?

My hand was shaking. My hand never shakes.

Worst case, Parkinson's. I can get

you a doctor's appointment in Dubai.

I can't focus.

This girl. This reporter. They're in my head.

They're in my f***ing brain.

That's not good, Mr. Hauser. Not good.

No, I know it isn't. And now I

gotta see her, the little one.

I gotta bring her food. 'Cause she won't go to the thing.

F***!

Trusting you was a little rude.

I wish there was a way.

You could sooth that ache in me.

Phone cut out When we were talking today.

Phone cut out When we were talking today.

That was beautiful.

- You recorded that yet?

- Fat f***ing chance.

Well you should.

I feel like it's like I'm seeing you for the first time.

Well, you've seen my ass. And you not liking it.

- Why do you do that?

- Do what?

Talk as if you have no soul.

Nobody cares for my beautiful soul. They care for my ass.

- You sound like a tramp.

- B*tches rule.

Yonica rules.

Virgins are good for getting f***ed. Right?

That is what I am good for. Right?

That's what everybody knows.

You know what I think?

I think the girl that wrote that song was a poet.

I thought that song was really great.

I am not from this world.

I have special powers.

I can see inside people's brains.

What do you see?

You think you care about me.

Neither one of us know why.

You're not an alien life form.

You're just very confused.

And you live in a terrible world.

I cannot be from this place. I do not belong here.

We have to find a way.

We just have to find a way.

Who are you?

We got stuff here.

We got a side of Clausen Classic Dill,

and Turaqi brand soda.

Extra crispy, all white meat. You want a piece?

It's actually a horrible way to soothe bad feelings...

but can lead to compulsive eating...

But, you know, sometimes you just gotta do it, right?

What the f***?

You know what?

I'm gonna blow you up. You mother f***in' nice...

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