Watch the Skies Page #6

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You're right on the edge.

You and tequila make me crazy

- Hey.

- Hey, buddy.

Come on, I saved a seat for you.

You said you were desperate.

Here, take a load off.

Look, I know we're trying

to catch the Costco killer, but...

it's good to have an honest heart-to-heart

with just a couple of guys, right?

There's my boy. Bring it down here.

Get in here.

- It's all about honesty, right?

- Mmm.

I've been being honest with my daughter,

I don't think she wants to hear it.

My wife's been travelling so much

for work...

that a lot of the parenting stuff

has fallen on me lately.

How about you?

When are you going to take the plunge

and knock a few out?

It's not that simple.

Well, it's about as simple

as putting your dick in a vagina.

You know what I mean? Make it happen.

Well, I really don't have a choice.

It turns out that my gun...

doesn't really... shoot too well.

Gun?

You mean your prick?

Why are you saying "gun"?

It's just two guys, sitting on a bench.

You can say it.

Say "prick," say "cock." Just say "prick."

Anyway, then you take a couple

of those blue bombers.

You got to get that whang

nice and stiff.

It'll get you all monstered up.

Oh, it will.

And then you'll be f***ing

like a champ in no time.

I know a guy that'll give you some,

and I got some from Mexico--

That's not the problem.

I'll get you some

of those Mexican bombs.

I can do everything. it's just that...

- About a year and a half ago...

- Okay.

...Abby and I started

trying to have kids.

And nothing was happening.

So, on my own, I went to see this doctor

to get my sperm checked.

I've always wondered about that.

I've had a curiosity, if you don't mind.

When you go to one of those doctors...

do you jerk yourself off,

or does the doctor jerk you off?

Or an assistant?

Is it like a massage parlor?

Or do they have a medical machine

that does the milking for you?

Like, milks you like an animal.

I'm asking how you get

the cum out of you.

- I...

- They do it.

No, I jerk me off.

Okay.

Doesn't matter.

The point is, I went, I got tested.

And... no go.

I'm shooting blanks.

I could shoot a bucketful,

it would make no difference.

The doctor's actual words.

"A bucketful."

it's because of me we can't have kids.

Just me.

I didn't realize

that that's such a big deal.

I mean, it's 2012.

Can't you just get a ball transplant?

Yeah, I don't think the science

is there yet.

What did the old lady say

when you told her?

Evaroony, don't tell me

that you haven't talked to her about it.

What am I going to say?

"Hey, honey, guess what.

"The one thing you want most in the world,

I can't give you."

Evan, you listen to me.

You talk to Abby.

She married you.

Not your dead jizz.

Thanks.

Evan Trautwig.

This is Manfred Salisbury.

- Are you an my roof?

- What?

jumping around like a maniac.

Is that one of you idiots?

It most certainly is not.

Please, just hang tight, Mr. Salisbury,

we'll be right there.

Yeah, I bet you will.

We have to get to Manfred's.

Call the Watch, come on.

Nobody's here.

Seriously?

Did you see anybody on the roof?

No.

Okay, we should fan out.

Franklin, you and Bob get in the car.

Check the block,

see if you get any action.

Jamarcus and I will go around back.

Okay.

Got it.

Good.

Hey, guys, let's stay focused.

We're in the field, right?

Okay.

N.W.

Shh.

Hear that?

This is Manfred's.

This is not good.

What is that?

I don't know.

Oh, my God.

Evan, we should run for our lives.

We should go up to it.

Why would we go up to it?

We should go.

It looks scared.

Maybe he's injured.

Maybe that's what we hit in the car.

Yeah, and maybe it's really pissed off

about it and is going to eat us.

Only one way to find out.

Come on.

Evan.

Evan, what the f*** are you doing?

It obviously doesn't understand

our language.

I'm making friendly tones

to show it that we mean no harm.

Hello

Wow.

Oh, no.

I see you.

I see you.

Hungry?

Food?

Food?

Gum.

It's okay. You just chew it.

You want some?

Gum, gum, gum for you

He likes it. Jamarcus, he likes it.

Everyone likes gum. Let's go.

He's digging something.

He's got something he wants to show us.

Want to share your gift, huh?

Oh, mother of f***!

Jamarcus, what are you doing?

Run, man!

Run!

F***er!

Oh, sh*t!

Jesus!

Are you okay?

That was really stressful.

I think I killed it.

What's going on here?

Gentlemen, we formed

the Neighborhood Watch...

with a very specific task.

To find the murderer of my friend,

Antonio Guzman.

Well, tonight, I say to you...

Holy sh*t!

Jesus Christ!

What the f*** is that?

It's an alien.

It killed Manfred,

then it tried to kill Jamarcus.

I came up and nailed it

with a garden gnome...

and it cracked its neck,

and it's dead.

This is f***ing insane.

I know, we tried to find a killer,

but guess what?

We found a fricking alien.

It touches it and it feels it. Ugh.

This intelligent, sentient being...

travelled untold light years

to come and visit our planet.

And you killed him.

Nice! Evan, yeah!

He killed it.

Holy sh*t.

Screw the police department.

I'll get into the CIA for this.

I think we should slow down,

keep this quiet.

Or 100 miles an hour and really loud,

because you're looking at an alien.

I'm thinking about T-shirts,

merchandising, movie deals.

My mind's going crazy

with this thing, here.

- Who wants a snapper with the alien?

- I do.

Let's go, b*tches.

I don't want to put pressure on you...

but it's the first historical picture

of anyone with an alien.

So, whatever that means to you.

Here we go.

Ready? And we're bringing it.

Let me share in the sunshine.

Somebody get in here.

Does she walk?

Does she talk?

Does she come complete?

The memory of my angel

Could never cause me pain

My blood runs cold

My memory has just been sold

My angel is the centerfold

Angel is the centerfold

Na, na, na -na -na -na,

na -na -na -na, na -na -na -na

Na, na, na -na -na -na,

na -na -na -na, na -na -na -na

Yeah. Put your dick on its shoulder.

Boom!

Na, na, na -na -na -na,

na -na -na -na, na -na -na -na

Make it last forever

Ever

Don't let our love end

Make it last forever

And ever...

- Ahh!

Oh. my God!

Bob, the pool balls aren't hurting him!

Franklin, you have to hit him.

- This is bad aim.

- F***!

Please don't kill me!

What the f*** are you doing, Jamarcus?

He's not a bumble-bee!

Evan, help! He's going to kill me, man.

I don't know what to do!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

He's going to eat my face!

He's getting goo in my mouth!

Franklin, Jamarcus!

We got him.

I can taste the f***ing goo!

That's right, give up.

Just go to sleep.

Relax. You go to sleep.

We are already among you.

What the f***

was that?

You can forget about the damn

merchandising play.

Is everyone all right?

F***ing alien came on my face.

Ow!

Did you hear that thing?

"We are among you."

What does that mean?

It means there's more of those

damn things out there.

Oh, my God.

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