We Love You Page #2

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Wow, that's...

amazing.

It's only working

to middle age right now,

but you'll be dead

before you know it.

Oh.

On the app,

not in real life.

I think you're great alive.

That's great.

People are waiting.

You need to get out there

and test the waters,

see how the Tight water

is floating.

Don't be the kitty

afraid of the titty.

Go milk.

Ha!

He likes to punch me.

Oh!

It's Bro Spray.

Really?

Ooh, that's awful.

It smells like...

- It smells like...

- Good stuff.

No, like, Fruit Stripe gum

mixed with, like, hot tar.

It's what we're selling.

Get out there

and holler at the honeys

or whatever it is

you frat boys do.

Make it look like

this stuff works.

Ford out.

Could I take you up

on that killing offer?

I thought you'd never ask.

I know it was awkward before,

but yes, sure, definitely.

Let's do that.

But have a little fun first.

Good luck.

Yeah.

What is that great smell?

Oh, it's me.

Here, smell, smell.

Oh, you look like a girl

that wants to smell me.

Come here, girl.

Hello, miss.

I am wearing a sexual fragrance,

and I... yeah.

It comes in a little fist.

How cute is that? Pound it.

This is the essence of bro.

It's eau de bro.

It... is that gross? You're right. I

wouldn't want that on my body either.

Beautiful,

beautiful work, boys.

Tight is gonna flip a biscuit

when they hear about this.

Thank you.

Great.

How was your reaction

to the smell?

Oh, it was great. It was just,

you know, pure animal attraction.

Just women just coming at me,

and I had to, you know,

get them away.

When was the last time

you ejaculated inside of a woman?

Excuse me?

No, no.

Noah here

is a serial monogamist.

He's only had sex

with himself.

- Or a girl.

- In his dreams.

I swear to God

I've had sex.

It's okay.

I know what it is

to be celibate.

I...

That's the thing, though.

I'm not celibate.

- Shh, shh.

- I'm really not.

I have a long and very

turbulent sexual history,

to the point where, honestly,

doing the sticky-stuckus

has grown quite pass for me.

I prefer the intensity

of a good dream.

- Oh.

- Especially a sticky one.

I've trained my mind

to control them.

The ecstasy of a lucid

midnight emission,

ooh, incomparable.

I will partner with you

and show you how.

Oh, I'm...

- Take me up on it.

- I think I'm okay.

- I will show you.

- Okay.

I think he has

the hots for you.

I don't know about that.

Listen, me and Jess are about

to go out for some drinks.

You want to come?

Uh, no.

You guys go have fun.

I think

I'm gonna just stay here

and wallow

in my self-loathing.

All right, good.

Get some practice in, all right?

Thank you.

Love you.

Bye.

Oh, dude,

you smell horrible.

We all smell horrible.

That's Tight.

Go.

Have a good night.

Ooh, he's not wrong.

Well, the promo party's

an epic disaster,

on top of which I've designed

the world's worst-smelling

body spray,

and it's just my luck, while

destroying my monstrosity,

that's when I met Callie.

Damn, what did those bottles

ever do to you?

Could the concept be douchier?

Uh...

Kind of hard to believe

that someone actually made this.

Yeah, well, someone did.

And that someone is you?

That someone is me.

Do you mind if I take

a picture of you?

- Uh...

- With this?

I... um...

Okay.

Take your glasses off.

You're handsome.

Embrace it.

You should wear contacts.

Ready?

Sadder.

Sadder.

Perfect.

Well, I hope to see

more of your work someday.

Yeah?

Hey, I'm Noah.

I'm Callie.

Callie.

Could I get your...

e-mail or something?

No, I have a better idea.

This party's amazing!

I'm so excited!

Wow.

Secret party.

What?

I like this one of you.

I have a visible erection.

- Really?

- No.

Oh, then I'm not interested.

Oh.

I like you.

Why?

You keep it low-key.

You're like an iceberg.

There's stuff

below the surface.

I'm pretty sure

it's just ice

beneath the surface

of an iceberg.

Praise hands, everybody.

Come on.

Come on.

Feel the spirit.

Or not.

But let's all be thankful today,

because the client bought

our prom campaign for Tight.

- Yeah.

- All right.

Now, due to my faith,

Tight isn't a product

I personally endorse,

as it encourages sex

before marriage,

as well as

its subtle endorsement

that sodomy is A-okay.

But we're still young

as a business,

need to take it all.

Uh, I did not mean that

sexually.

Well, I take everything

sexually.

All the time.

Okay, well,

now for some great news.

We just heard from Converse,

and they want to do

a promotional event

here in town,

and they want us to pitch.

What's the strategy?

Urban adventure.

So I want everyone

to put your heads together

and just come up with something

outside the box.

I really think we can

blow Converse away.

Uh, how about

a city-wide scavenger hunt

with clues that lead people

all over the city?

There'd be, like, a goal

at the end or a treasure,

like a one-of-a-kind pair

of golden Converse.

I could do the art,

have Ford talk to manufacturing,

Jess builds the app,

Derrick shoots the spot,

and Matthias writes the copy.

Noah, I am blown away.

This idea just might be

your ark.

As in Noah's ark?

Yeah, we saw it.

With Russell Crowe.

You... no, you got

to read the story.

In... in the book.

We don't see it

with the Russell Crowe,

but he's in it.

Okay.

You know what?

Good job, Noah, okay?

- All right!

- Dude!

I have never seen you so on.

I know, right?

Okay, can I tell you

a secret?

Of course.

I kind of met a girl.

Like, a real good-looking lady.

Does... does she know you?

Yeah, yeah, dude.

She knows me.

We... we kissed.

What?

That's awesome.

We can go on a double date now.

Yeah.

Wait, hold on.

You're seeing someone too?

I don't want to jinx it,

but tomorrow afternoon,

I have a date,

and I'm completely into her.

Yes!

I love it.

Dude, that's awesome.

Okay.

See, man?

Sh*t's really turned around

for us.

Bloo, bloo, bloo!

You know what?

I really like this place.

I mean, this is so much

different

than my normal first dates

that I really appreciate this,

so thank you.

You're welcome.

I'd normally invite you over,

you know, pour some wine,

make some popcorn.

You know, sit on the couch,

start cuddling,

put on some Netflix,

and then you know,

start... start chilling.

Is this on your first date?

I mean, usually,

'cause there usually isn't

a second, so...

Oh, okay.

To be 100% honest,

I'm really glad

you took me here.

I don't normally get

to see things like this.

- Really?

- Yeah.

You're not just saying that?

No, the girl never usually

takes me on a date like this.

Look at this.

Look at this.

I mean, trees smell nice.

I'm just messing.

I'm happy to be here with you.

- It's cute.

- Here it is.

We're gonna do it here?

- Ni hao ma.

- Ni hao ma.

That's awesome!

It said, "Ni hao ma."

What does that mean?

Oh, I don't know.

I don't speak Chinese.

I just mimic birds

who speak Chinese.

- Ni hao ma.

- Okay.

Guys, the miracles

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