Wedding Present Page #5

aren't you, Rusty?

Not as much as I'm going

to have in New York.

I'm glad you're going to

have a good time, too,

without having to put up with my

bad influence for a whole month.

I'll have a good time, all

right. Don't you worry about me.

Good Time Charlie,

that's me from now on.

What a hotel.

Will you close the

transom, please? Yes, Miss.

Must be playing some new kind

of a game with horseshoes.

Hello?

Hello, Rusty.

Hello, Charlie.

How are you, Rusty?

Fine!

How are you?

Glad I was able

to catch you in.

I thought maybe you'd be out

at one of those night clubs.

Oh, I forgot.

You were going to catch up

on your sleep.

Oh, I...

I just got in a minute ago, but

I brought the crowd home with me.

Quick. Open the transom.

That's the way it's been

ever I since I got here!

I don't know

how they stand it!

That's funny. I got a party

in my joint, too. Poker.

Hey! Cut that out, Harry.

Did you hear that?

One of the guys just took a pot

shot at the chandelier with a bottle.

Just a minute, Charlie.

Sing something.

What?

Sing something.

But I can't...

I thought it was going

to be hectic, Charlie,

but I had no idea it was

going to be this hectic.

Go on. Sing.

But, but what?

Anything.

Just break the news

to Mother

She knows how dear I love her

And tell her

not to wait for me

For I'm not coming home

Just say...

All right, all right,

you can go.

Thank you, Miss.

Hey, stop it, you guys. And quit

making a fool of yourself, Margie.

Next time I'll know better

than to play poker with women.

What'd you say, Charlie?

Hey, cut it out, Margie.

Cut it out, will you?

They're tickling me.

What'd you say?

They're tickling me.

What?

They're tickling me!

The connection's terrible.

I can't hear a word you say.

It sounds like you're saying

somebody's tickling you.

Oh, never mind it.

I'm glad you called,

Charlie.

If I'd known

you were going to,

I'd have arranged

to be here alone.

Well, it was good

to hear your voice, anyhow.

But I got to get back

to the game.

Must be pretty late in New York

now. What time is it, anyway?

When you hear the tone, the

time will be 2:
57 and one half.

When you're through

admiring yourself, Jonathan,

would you mind

taking me upstairs?

Yes, sir.

I mean, no sir,

Mr. Van Dorn, sir.

Where did you get those? They

belong to Mason and Miss Fleming.

No, sir, they don't.

They belongs to me, anyhow.

Don't try to brazen it out.

Those are the medals they won

from the Society.

Yes, sir, Mr. Van Dorn,

but, but I won them.

You? What do you mean?

In a crap game, sir.

They ran out of cash.

How much did you put up

against them?

Twenty-five cents each.

Twenty-five cents each?

Yes, sir.

Twenty-five cents each.

Twenty-five cents each.

I don't care

if they are great reporters.

They're not bigger

than the Globe Express.

That's what Stagg always says.

Send a note to Miss Fleming and tell

her not to bother about coming back.

And get Mason

out of here quick.

Get him out before I...

Wait a minute.

I'll attend to it myself.

Yes, sir?

Get Mason in here.

Hello, Stagg. Stick around.

Something's going to happen in a

minute that'll do your heart good.

I know.

I heard you.

Why didn't this happen

a month ago?

Then maybe I wouldn't

be here now to resign.

Resign?

What's happened to you?

Lost my voice.

About time.

It'll come back.

But my wife won't.

Lost my wife, too.

Losing my mind.

She went to California.

Says she won't live

with a City Editor.

I'm through.

Think it over.

With those two off the paper,

life will be worth living again.

Sorry, Chief, it's too late

now. Going to California.

Say, Chief,

if you want to make me happy

before I go,

there's just one request

I'd like to make.

Let me be here

when he gets it.

I want to see it with my own

eyes. Just a matter of sentiment.

All right, stick around.

I'd wait a million years

to see Mason get it.

All right, what's the bright

idea? It is a bright one.

Put Mason on the City Desk.

Are you trying to be funny?

Listen, Chief, Mason knows every way of

ducking work that a reporter can think of,

because he's used them

all himself.

He's the only man who'll be able to

control that gang of cut-throats out there.

Willett, you're either a

genius or a blithering idiot.

Wait a minute.

How about the girl?

If he isn't

a great City Editor

and she isn't raising

his babies within a year,

you can call me an idiot.

Well, how are you

this fine afternoon?

If you have anything to say, say it

out loud. You don't have to whisper.

That's what you think.

Mr. Van Dorn wants to see you.

So they tell me.

Oh, allow me.

After you.

No, no, after you.

Yes, sir.

Mason, about five minutes ago I decided

to fire you and Miss Fleming, too.

Oh, you're a very hard man,

Mr. Van Dorn.

Got a light?

Always glad to oblige.

Thank you, my good man.

Don't mention it.

Sit down.

Now, Mr. Van Dorn, don't say

another word. You'll spoil it.

I have never before been fired

with such classic precision,

such economy of words.

I said, sit down.

All right, but if you think

you can boil me in oil,

or hang, draw

and quarter me...

Oh, no. All you can do is

fire me. Those are the rules.

This is your idea, Willett.

You tell him about it.

Suppose I said that

instead of firing you

we were going to offer you

the City Editorship.

Oh, now, Mr. Willett, don't

toy with his emotions lightly.

Pete Stagg here has just

been in to resign the job.

It's yours if you make up your

mind to cut out the nonsense,

and make the rest of the staff

cut it out.

Maybe I'd better stay fired.

Be reasonable, Mason. You may

want to be married some day.

An extra 50 a week in your

pay envelope would help.

It would get you a pretty

little cottage in the country,

all covered with hollyhocks.

I don't like hollyhocks.

Mr. Van Dorn, have you gone

stark mad? Make him City Editor?

I wouldn't put him in charge

of the postage stamps.

Why, you might as well

close up the joint.

Say, if I didn't make a 10 times

better City Editor than you, I'd...

You couldn't edit

the comic strips!

But I'm no Pete Stagg. If I take

the job, I do the hiring and firing.

I'll go the whole way

with you.

Say, do you mind if I change

those hollyhocks for rambler roses?

All right,

now you'll get yours.

With the example you've set, do you

think they'll take orders from you?

Stick around, pal. I'll show you how

to shoot some discipline into a paper.

They'll send you to the hospital

with a nervous breakdown!

They'll run you ragged!

All right, all right.

But you don't have to shout.

Well, I hope

I've made myself clear.

From now on, everybody is

going to toe the line.

There's going to be no more

sloppiness around this office.

Take off them false whiskers,

Charlie. We know you.

You'll make a good City Editor,

but I don't like City Editors.

I do. How about

a $5-raise all around?

When the high school humorists

have finished,

I've got a few more remarks

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