Weirdsville Page #4

You had doubts

when you first started.

Seamus is going to come

to understand this.

Can you move

your seat up, please?

Can you get

in the car, please?

Shh, shh! Hello?

Good.

How does he look?

Mmm, no, no, no.

Don't meet us

at the movie theater.

Meet us at the New Age Center.

Get everything set up

and wait for us there.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay... first stair.

Go.

Good, good,

good, good, hold!

Oh!

Whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa!

I'm okay.

F***!

Yeah.

Struggle, struggle,

struggle

Struggle all day long

Struggle, struggle,

struggle

Struggle all day long

Get up in the morning

and try to keep on

I got pain in my stomach,

I got pain in the chest

Pain in the eyelid,

pain in the wrist...

Stuck, huh?

Yeah, it's locked.

Oh, it's locked.

Yeah, it's... locked.

... you try to keep on

I got the devil beside me

The Lord's above reach

The preacher

right next to me

Preach, preach, preach

Struggle, struggle,

struggle

Struggle all day long

Get up in the morning

and try to keep on

What the f***?

Jesus!

Ah...

Uh, d-don't hurt me, okay?

Please!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Take whatever you want!

Okay.

We need to get

into your basement door.

Oh, my what?

Your basement door.

Look, I'm not

into dudes, okay?

Hey, no, no,

no, no, no!

No!

What are you

talking about?

Look, just wear

a rubber, okay?

And be gentle--

We need a key for the deadbolt

on your basement door, please!

Time out!

The key!

Yeah, the key.

There's a key ring

in the kitchen.

You can try that, okay?

Water.

There you go.

Thank you.

You okay?

Well, how does it look?

How does what look?

My face!

Your face looks fine.

You look--

You look great.

Okay.

What are you

doing here anyway?

This is my uncle's house.

He'll f***ing kill you, man.

What are you

talking about, man?

He killed a dude

in this bathtub

right here, okay?

He's a f***ing ninja.

All right.

He's got ninja stars,

swords and sh*t.

All right.

He just hides them

down the back of his shirt.

You have no idea

the rain of pain

that's coming

your way, okay?

Do you mind just

shutting the f*** up

for about five minutes?

We'll be out of here.

Thank you.

Cupboard, cupboard, cupboard.

Yeah.

Sweet.

Mother of God.

Got 'em!

What's up?

Oh, f--

Uh... woo.

Well, anyway...

The man's got plans.

Oh!

Shame on you.

Each of those girls

is someone's daughter.

Yeah.

That's a good point.

Ooh... hello!

Oh, hey!

Oh, no, come on.

You definitely shouldn't

be smoking this sh*t.

I'm calling the cops.

Yeah, you want to wind up like

Retardo Montalbn over here?

I don't think so.

I don't smoke it

that much, okay?

Anyway, I got an idea.

Yeah?

Heck, yeah.

Just go pull the car

to the front door.

Okay.

I'm going to take care

of our little...

here, you know.

Be careful.

I got it, man.

I got it.

Me and you gotta talk.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sh*t.

Days are not faint

I'm still losing it

Name a lung

Yes, I'm dry

The storybook

is still on time

Ooh!

Ooh, easy come, easy go.

Hey. Can I speak

to you for a sec?

Oh, excellent, man!

Yeah.

What are you doing?

I'm getting the kid high.

Oh, really?

Yeah, man.

I put crank in it though,

so he's not even going

to remember that we were here.

What are you, the CIA?

Of course he's going

to remember we were here.

Maybe, but he'll be

a little hazy, dude.

Dude.

Tell my buddy

about what really

happened to your uncle.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Didn't he fall

and crack his head?

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

No.

No, man, that's not

what happened.

Okay, he was walking home

from the bank, right?

Umpf.

Unh, mm.

Hmm.

Circus people.

Whoaooah...

Hey, man, you--

you got an icicle

sticking out of your head.

An elephant...

picnic...

marvel.

Whoa, whoa, back up,

back up, back up.

What was he doing at a bank?

I don't know.

Okay, that's funny.

I feel bad laughing

about it, you know,

but it's just so Ripley's.

Believe it or not,

it happened!

Fun, fun.

You having fun?

It's funny, man.

Yeah? Can we go?

Oh, yeah.

Hey, dude, you're not going

to call the cops, right?

Just leave my weed

and we're even.

No. Not leaving the weed.

But come on, man.

I'm having a girl

over later.

You got a girl coming over?

You got these tapes, man.

She's a total freak!

Yeah, man!

All right.

Hey, listen.

Okay.

I'm going to leave you

tied up, okay?

If you have to.

And, um,

I want you to have...

a great time!

Okay.

See you, kid.

See you guys.

F***. Guys?

Guys, it went out!

Hey, you hear that kid?

Taylor was at a bank.

What's a guy who doesn't

believe in banks

doing at a bank?

I don't know.

That was him!

Follow them!

You okay to drive?

Yeah, man,

I'm all right.

I feel goo...

You feel "goo"?

Behind us!

F***!

Did anyone see if the girl

was even in the car?

Uh, I only saw

two coconuts in the car.

She's the one

we really need.

Perhaps she's back

at the house.

I think you lost them.

Yeah!

Yeah.

Sh*t!

She's overheating.

How does a car overheat

in the winter?

Just pull over

and we'll find a place

where she can cool down.

What are we doing here,

exactly?

Well, your car

is busted and...

Yes.

... we've gotta crack

that safe open.

Yes, we do.

There's a car-full

of nut-bags after us,

so we could do something

we haven't done

in a very long time.

You want to break

into the mall.

Okay.

Yeah!

Oh, wow, hot tub.

Look at that.

You wanna stop

for a soak?

Yeah!

Whew.

Ow! What the f***?

F***, you're slow.

What did Abel mean

about uh...

uh, servicing...

You mean servo-mechanisms

to addiction?

That's it.

Yeah, he meant our

only function in life

is to do drugs.

He was quoting

Marshall McLuhan,

but he was

quoting him wrong.

Wait, isn't he the guy

who started the Sex Pistols?

No, that's Malcolm McLaren.

Marshall McLuhan's

a Canadian.

Whoa, a Canuck started

the Sex Pistols?

God!

F***!

God, you gotta be

kidding me, oh!

She's not in the house.

Who's that?

The nephew.

Take him.

Why do I gotta do

all the lifting?

Ah.

Boys, this is

a medieval battle flail.

Ow!

Jesus.

Oh!

What the f***

are you doing, man?

It's a practice weapon.

The real one would've

turned your head to pudding.

Ow!

Man, there are

people chasing us.

That's why

we broke in here.

We needed a place to hide.

There's a cult after us.

Did you say "cult"?

Yes, I did.

Like, the Moonies?

Sorta, but worse.

Oh, I see.

Now, you boys wouldn't

be shitting me, would you?

This is the place

where we lost them,

which means they either

went to the mall

or back into town.

They'd have to

be retarded

to go to the mall

this time of night.

The mall.

The mall.

My sister was a Moonie

back in the '80s.

It cost us four grand

to get her de-programmed.

Moonies took her for 20.

Parasites.

Did you boys escape

from those bastards?

Yes, we did.

I just spent

three days in a motel

de-programming him...

but they found us.

What about this?

It's a f***ing pharmacy here.

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