Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins Page #3

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you grabbing on people,

wear some deodorant,

you little fake-ass Conan!

Oh, sh*t!

Mama! Mama!

OTIS:
Come here, boy!

I'm an all-State linebacker!

Look at that speed!

RJ:
Mama! I said

leave me alone, O!

Leave me alone!

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(MAMA LAUGHING)

MAMA:
I haven't had so many

people in the kitchen

since I don't know when.

No, you use this one.

(EXCLAIMS)

You a bad b*tch!

Oh! Oh!

Wait a minute, girl.

I'm serious. I'm serious.

You bad!

You are the baddest

b*tch Survivor ever had.

Soon to be my sister-in-law,

up in my kitchen, girl.

I'm honored!

Thank you.

All right, now, now, now,

tell me the truth, okay?

Tell me the truth,

'cause it's you and me.

We relating.

Can that hook-head

handle you? 'Cause, see,

we a lot alike, Binaca.

(LAUGHING) 'Cause we

too much woman for one man!

You feel me?

Betty, let

the child breathe.

Now, is the tea ready?

It's right here, Mama.

Binaca, you got to

try my tea, girl.

I'm telling you right now,

this tea right here

ain't no joke, Balolo.

Best in the county.

It's Bianca.

That's what I said.

And I'd love to. Cheers!

(SHRIEKING)

God, that's

liquid diabetes!

You drink that?

(BIANCA EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

No, no. No, no,

wait a minute now,

baby.

Don't get

all uppity, okay?

'Cause I'm gonna let

you know the brothers

down at the pen,

they rave about my

sweet tea every Sunday

at my Bible reading.

It ain't the sweet tea.

It's them short skirts

you be wearing.

I'm just doing my part,

trying to be

a good Christian.

And if them brothers need

to get a peek at this thong

to get them through

them long lonely nights,

then, Father God and all

the heavens up above

and the Episcopals, so be it!

Girl, don't make me sick.

You know I'm pregnant.

Thank you.

Betty, your thong

is an image I do not need.

(CHUCKLES) Ditto.

(MOCKING LAUGH)

BETTY:
Wait a minute.

Now, see, we trying to

bond with you and everything,

welcome you in,

but you getting it twisted.

You getting me twisted.

But don't get it twisted.

This kitchen here

is my domain. My domain.

This ain't no kennel.

And then this lab rat got to

go. Got to go. Do you hear me?

Am I clear? I bites dogs.

(DOG WHINING)

Know who I am, okay?

Now ditto that!

AIRLINE EMPLO YEE.: Yes, sir.

Can I help you? Yes, sir.

Yeah, hello.

Yeah. What is your name?

Patricia.

Luqueesha?

I can barely hear you.

Look here,

Luqueesha, somebody...

Sir, could you

please hold?

Yeah, I'll hold.

(DOG WHINING)

(DOG PANTING)

Bucky?

You done messed around

and got old, huh, Bucky?

You still alive?

Yeah, you used to terrorize me

when I was little.

I don't play that now, man.

I'm a grown man. Look at me

when I'm talking to you.

I should kick you

in your ass right

now, Bucky.

Yeah. Yeah,

when you bit my

ankle, I should...

Hello, Dr. Stevens?

Yeah, excuse me.

We found your bag.

Well, all right.

Well, that's more like it.

We just need an address.

(GROANING)

Get off me, you crazy dog!

What the hell?

You gonna stay

inside all day,

Dr. Stevens?

No, sir.

Daddy, you don't

have to call me that.

I just don't want to

offend the star.

Offend me?

Hey, hey, Daddy,

how come you

never opened this plasma?

I don't need

a skinny TV.

That console's been there

since 1977. Good picture.

Daddy, this is

a Hi-Def flat screen!

Football on Sundays,

them hits'll be like,

"Boom!"

Make you feel like

you really there.

I am really gonna be there.

Your cousin Clyde

gave me season tickets.

See that picture?

That's his third dealership.

Man, that Clyde

is something special.

Yeah, Clyde's special.

I gotta get outside.

I'm grooming the next

Jackie Robinson. My grandson.

(HUMMING)

Reg.

Huh?

That don't look

like $300 worth of ice.

It's hot down here, man.

Half of it melted before

you even got down.

I'm telling you,

the bag was...

It's hot down...

Ask anybody

about the heat, 'Scoe.

I ain't gonna lie

about none of that, man.

Whatever.

Hey, O.

Yo.

How old is crazy-ass Bucky?

Shouldn't he be dead by now?

Bucky's at least 25 now.

Yeah. Yeah,

that dog is old,

boy.

Are you serious?

That's 175 people years!

And he's still

a little player,

I'm telling you.

You better watch

little Fiona around here.

He gonna hit her

in the one that stink

and not the one that wink.

He good

at scooping up

behind you.

(WHINING)

So, did I hear

Clyde was coming

with Lucinda?

Mmm-hmm.

Should be here

any minute now.

(LAUGHS)

I thought

she was engaged.

Uh-uh.

That ended

a while ago,

baby bro.

Yeah, that...

Man, no, she moved

to Atlanta, man,

and that smooth nigga

Clyde supposed to be

hollering at her again.

What you mean, "again"?

He ain't never been

with her. Never!

Lookie here.

Little Hollywood man.

"He's never been

with her. Never!"

"Never!"

(LAUGHING) What, you look

like you trying to throw

your hat in the ring.

No, I'm just setting

the record straight,

bubblehead.

Set the record

straight on this. Now.

(WHOOPING)

Good God Almighty,

I smell them funky ribs!

Yeah, baby,

they're good, too.

Here, baby bro.

Now, I need your discriminate

tongue to let me know

if I'm still on track.

You know how

I gets down.

Give him some bread

and a Pepsi, right now!

No, no, I'm cool.

I'm gonna wait

on the chicken.

Skinless.

Why? You Muslim now?

Yeah, what the hell?

You a Five Percenter?

Nah.

I just adopted

a low-fat, high-fiber diet.

Bianca and I...

(EXCLAIMS

IN DISGUST)

"Bianca and I..."

I know what it is.

The black Paris Hilton

done sissified you

off the pig.

That's what's up.

It ain't like that, O.

Bullshit! You on

that Hollywood sh*t.

Nigga, please.

Give me... Let me see this.

You see this swine is fine,

divine, sublime

and right on time.

Right on time!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Man! Look at that.

Want some of this

dipping sauce, baby?

Yeah, go on. Get...

Go on, taste a little

piece of that.

Don't be scared.

You got on

the Kwanzaa outfit now.

Go on, get down,

like you live. Go ahead

and taste a piece of that.

Bite that.

Go on, man.

How about a piece,

Nelson Mandela?

Stop being so scary, man.

Farrakhan ain't

nowhere around here.

Man!

What's up, man?

Come on!

The Last King

from Scotland. Look.

With the Forest Whitaker eye.

(LAUGHING)

Wait, look.

Put a little barbecue sauce

on the dead eye.

Might jump up out of there.

(LAUGHING)

OTIS:
(LAUGHING)

Boy, you crazy.

(REGGIE AND OTIS CHATTERING)

Yes, indeed, that's

gonna be good! Stir

that up for me, Bilante.

Now, in episode 11,

did you have to pull

your titties out?

I had to have

that chocolate cake.

But you threw it up.

On purpose.

Whether on Survivor

or in life, I believe

in winning at all costs.

That's why RJ and I

are perfectly matched.

(LAUGHING)

Girl, you tripping.

You better mind out, Betty.

Come on now, Mama.

Roscoe and winning

don't even go

in the same sentence.

Only Clyde

gets that

distinction.

Who's Clyde?

Oh.

I'm glad you asked.

Clyde is our cousin.

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