Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins Page #5

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with you in mind.

You butter the biscuits?

(LAUGHING) You know I did.

OTIS:

Hey, Betty? Betty.

What?

He's your cousin,

not a potential tip.

You know what, Otis?

Okay? Shut up.

Now, I'm just glad to see him,

that's all. And, and...

Okay, you, too, queenie.

Thank you, Betty.

So, Lucinda, I hear you two

were high school sweethearts.

Oh, well, that was

a long time ago.

Yeah. But you never

forget your first love.

Ain't that right,

'Cinda?

LUCINDA:
Yeah,

I guess not.

Look at her.

Just as beautiful

as ever.

You know, I'm gonna leave

some of these hood-rats alone

and get real serious

about making this girl

Mrs. Stubbs.

You know, matter of fact,

Otis, get me a broom

right now.

I'm gonna jump!

Mazel tov!

You know what

I'm talking about,

Otis?

Don't believe

this one, okay?

He's more interested

in jumping bones

than jumping brooms.

Ooh.

Well, best of luck

to the both of you.

You make a great couple.

(COUGHING) Bullshit!

Betty!

Excuse me, y'all,

I had a piece of celery

stuck in my throat.

CLYDE:
Well, you know,

I admit it.

I like to play.

But, after I get me

a couple of

more dealerships,

I will be King of the South,

who will need his Queen.

Well, my king

has a surprise.

RJ's having a professional

camera crew film

the anniversary banquet!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Tell them, honey!

Go ahead!

Like my baby said,

it was supposed

to be a surprise.

A gift, really. You know,

no big deal. Just a little

something special for y'all.

That's so sweet.

Wait a minute. Hold up.

Nigga, you got some cameras

hidden around?

You done brought

some cameras?

Reggie...

You got that sh*t

hidden around here?

Oh, y'all seen his show.

Roscoe be jumping

out of bushes on

little midgets.

MAMA:
Midgets?

Neglected albino children.

Al-Qaeda leaders.

(CHANTING)

Rice, chicken kebab,

chicken falafel...

(CHANTING)

(LAUGHING) Boy, you crazy.

I'm telling you,

they be scattering

like roaches,

like Cops.

You gonna win a Emmy,

and I'm voting for you.

Remember, son,

this is a family celebration,

not some Hollywood production.

Yes, sir.

Oh, hell,

it'll be all right,

Papa J.

I'm sure old Roscoe

gonna do the right thing.

I'm just glad to see

your baby boy back

gracing us with his presence.

You done good, 'Scoe.

You got a outstanding career,

beautiful fiancee, great son.

You finally winning, man.

Don't even matter

that you could never

beat me at nothing.

(MOCKING LAUGH)

Oh, sh*t!

That's the button.

RJ:
What you trying

to do, Clyde?

I'm trying my best

to be a better man

and you trying to drag me

into a penis-swinging contest?

MAMA:
Oh, my goodness.

That definitely

ain't no contest.

(LAUGHING)

You a sad man, Clyde.

Your competitive edge

imprisons you.

Feel good for what

you've done, not

for what you haven't.

The one loss you suffered

at my hands is still

a burden to you.

Get over it. I have.

That's the "Team of Me."

(WHISPERS)

That's right, baby.

Oh.

And just for the record,

I'll beat you again.

And worse.

Is that right?

Care to make it interesting?

Little wager, perhaps?

For what? You'd just find

a way to renege again,

renigga.

ALL:
Oh, sh*t.

I ain't never

reneged on no bet.

You a damn liar!

Oh, this is getting hot!

You know damn well

what the hell

I'm talking about.

You're a sore loser,

and you stole what was mine.

Lemonade is

good, Mama.

There it is.

That b*tch done

made you tough, Roscoe.

You hungry as sh*t,

but that b*tch done

made you tough!

(DOOR SLAMS)

RJ:
What is

wrong with you?

BIANCA:
I can't believe

you're still pining

after the prom queen.

We only said

three words

to each other!

Forty words.

And that Clyde,

he's a smug

son of a b*tch.

No wonder he's a car salesman.

He's slick and unethical.

Why the hell

did you tell everybody

about the camera crew?

They were gonna

see them anyway.

And besides,

we were losing ground.

I had to make a move.

Bianca, this is

not Survivor!

Oh, yes, it is.

Look, baby,

baby, baby.

Listen. Listen.

(SIGHS) Let's

not fight, okay?

I'm sorry.

Lucinda was

just a crush,

but I moved on.

So you're over her?

How can I not be,

with you as my lady?

Yeah, that's what

I'm talking about.

Yeah!

Oh, baby. All the time

I spent here, I never got

a little piece of nothing.

No way. These walls

are way too thin.

And plus,

your family listens.

That's ridiculous!

Look, now,

I want to speak

in tongues.

(MUMBLING)

Nope. Forget it.

Damn!

Think you so damn special.

I sent a plasma,

you bought cake.

Negro, please!

Hey, Roscoe,

I didn't know

you were still up.

Hey, Lucinda,

how you doing?

I'm great.

Who you talking to?

Nobody.

Well, actually, myself.

I do that. You know,

just practicing for the show.

You know,

keep it fresh,

you know?

Okay, I see.

Can you take

a break?

Damn!

This cake is scrumptious.

I knew

you'd like it.

So, you said

your publicist

introduced you?

Yeah. Well, yeah.

We... We had her

on the show

after she won.

And... We just

sort of connected,

you know?

So how does she

and Jamaal get along?

Real good.

You know,

she got him

eating right.

Maternal stuff.

He's a great kid.

Oh, thank you.

So, you and Clyde?

No. He was

a familiar face when

I moved to Atlanta.

He's sweet,

but your cousin's

a player.

What happened

to your engagement?

Wasn't there some guy?

Are you keeping

tabs on me,

Roscoe Jenkins?

Well, no, no,

I heard things. You know...

Look at my ears.

(LAUGHS) You know,

I heard... I heard it.

You know I heard it.

(LAUGHING) You stupid.

What did you hear? Huh?

That I went to school

to find a husband, right?

See? Yeah, I did.

I got engaged early.

I had the vision

of having a

two-income household,

three kids before 30,

Sunday brunch with

my homegirls...

Sounds good to me.

Don't it, though?

But the student loans

never go away, you're still

broke after grad school,

and he didn't want kids.

Ever.

So... Dream deferred.

I feel you.

Me and Jamaal's mom

was a disaster.

I wasn't ready

to be a parent, either.

But he's my son.

Spoken

like a true

Jenkins man.

You need to

finish that cake.

(EXCLAIMS) Sh*t.

'Cause if I don't

watch this figure,

who will?

I could think of

some takers.

Me, too!

Sign me up

for that booty duty!

Hey, Reggie.

We were just

saying good night.

Hell, no, don't

let me interrupt.

Don't let me interrupt.

Don't let him interrupt.

LUCINDA:
Oh, no, no,

no. It's okay.

I need to go home and

see my parents, and I'll talk

to you guys tomorrow. Okay?

Good night.

Good night.

Tell the truth.

You got a woody,

don't you?

Fool, if I had a woody,

I'd flip this table over.

We was just catching up.

Your daddy don't want

that plasma you bought. I'll

just tell you that right now.

And it's a damn shame

that it's just going

to waste like that.

Just a TV, just

sitting there, ain't gonna

do nothing, man, is...

There's so many

poor people down here

that need...

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