Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins Page #6

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Would you like that...

That plasma, Reggie?

I... Boy, I ain't lying.

I could use it.

Well, would you

like to have it?

Yeah! I'm gonna get it

and freak it. I'm gonna

have it right.

Not gonna happen.

Just tight. That's just...

(ULULATING)

Hey, Lone Ranger,

it's time to saddle up.

Uh-oh.

Gotta go.

Hi-yo, Silver!

Off to the ATM machine!

Giddy-up! Yes.

Giddy-up!

It's gonna be a long weekend.

(FARTS)

Excuse me.

(FARTS LOUDER)

Excuse.

Baby, my

Downward Dog

is fine.

Your alignment's off.

Watch me.

(INHALES)

(EXHALES)

Damn, you are flexible!

Good morning, Reggie.

Good morning to you!

What's up, 'Scoe?

F*** you looking at, Reggie?

You wanna glue your eyes

back into your head, now?

Oh, my fault. I didn't

mean to look, but I was just

checking out the pose, man.

Hey!

That is nice. That's hot.

That is so hot.

Can I help you

with something,

Reggie?

Oh, your bag is here.

You couldn't just

say that from

Jump Street.

I was distracted,

'cause it looked like

somebody hit you in the face

with a sack of nickels.

Well, maybe a foot

in your ass'll help

you focus, huh?

Maybe a slice

of red velvet cake'll

help you focus.

Man, get your look

and move on.

One look.

BIANCA:
And down.

That's it. One. One!

One more,

one more,

one time.

That's it. Move on!

Oh, my God.

Damn, 'Scoe!

BIANCA:
Namaste.

Oh! Hey.

Reggie's got

a Frank Aaron jersey,

too, baby.

That's Hank, baby.

And mine is

a limited edition.

Reggie wouldn't even know

where to look for one.

Oh, it's your

world, player.

I'm just a squirrel trying

to get a nut, if you

know what I mean.

(DOG WHIMPERS)

Mmm.

Man, you need to

get her pregnant soon.

Come on, Bucky, let's go.

My God.

Did you see that?

Yeah.

That's my jersey,

ain't it?

Come on, Jamaal.

I don't think

I'm cut out

for softball.

Don't be

such a girl

about it.

Jamaal, forget all that.

You a natural.

Plus, this was

your dad's sport.

All right?

The main thing is

to relax and keep cool.

Just like your dad.

RJ:
Come on, we got them,

we got them! We got them,

come on, we got them!

We got them!

CLYDE:
You out, sucka!

Damn it!

CLYDE:
Good throw, Betty!

How could this fool

steal everything but third?

'Cause I got a cannon

in this arm, boy! A-Rod

ain't stealing on me.

Damn, I'm a thief.

I don't never get

caught stealing.

Can't steal third,

brother, not around here.

My shirt!

Go home, man.

Yeah, my fault.

This ain't authentic,

is it?

Where does

that child think

she is?

I don't know.

But I bet that come

with paint remover.

Good God!

RJ:
Jamaal! Widen

your stance, son.

Keep your eye on the ball.

Choke up on the bat.

Focus.

Okay.

BETTY:
Do what

your father told

you, okay?

Now, don't be

scared of Callie.

I know she's big.

We all big.

That's why you

in question.

RJ:
Jamaal! Focus.

PAPA:
All right,

it's 0 and 2.

Come on, Jamaal.

Strike three!

MAMA:

That's all right,

baby.

That's a good try.

God, this kid's pathetic!

You're making

Grandma proud.

PAPA:
Good try, Jamaal.

BETTY:
No, no,

it wasn't, Daddy.

Now, what is he, Roscoe?

One of them meatless people?

Is he one of them vegans

or vogans, whatever?

You need to feed

that child, Roscoe,

that's what's wrong with him!

You ain't giving

him enough...

LUCINDA:
Good one, Callie!

BETTY:
Can't

understand nothing.

He's dumb in the brain.

MAMA:
Come on, Roscoe!

Hit one for Mama!

All I need

you to do

is make contact.

I got this.

You got a strikeout a-coming

if you ain't careful.

"Youse got a strikeout coming

if you ain't careful.

"Boy, youse gonna..."

OTIS:
Y'all don't take

the smile for a weakness

all the time, okay?

REGGIE:

I've never

thought that.

Y'all think

I'm weak

or something.

No, I don't

think you weak.

Okay. Don't. Okay.

I thought you was Uncle Ben.

CLYDE:
Hey.

Take a seat.

Let me get this,

right here.

All right. That's what I'm

talking 'bout, now! Let the

games begin! Come on, baby!

What the hell

you think you doing,

Clyde?

I'm about to

strike you out,

player!

I've got

a narrow strike zone,

boy.

CLYDE:
Oh,

that's all right,

Papa J.

Anything wider

than Roscoe head

would be unfair.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Everybody sit down.

Have a seat.

Take a load off.

Get comfortable.

Don't worry about it.

Bring the La-Z-Boys

out here or something.

Come on, boy.

I got this, right here.

What's up, 'Scoe?

You ready?

You want to be

in the big time?

Here we go, yeah.

BETTY:
Right here, baby!

Strike!

(WHOOPING)

That's better

than air conditioning

right there, boy.

(IMITATES SHIVERING)

(LAUGHING) Feel that breeze?

Come on, Roscoe!

They just talking smack,

baby. You can do it, baby!

Focus, RJ!

Come on. Get a hit!

(EXCLAIMS)

"Focus, RJ!"

All right, everybody good?

Betty, all right, give me

a little something.

Okay.

Okay, I got you. Good to go.

All right, cool, cool, cool.

Right here.

Crush it! Kill it!

(GRUNTS)

(EXCLAIMS)

You hit my mama!

Mama!

BETTY:
Oh, my God!

CLYDE:
Oh, no, no!

Mama J!

MAMA:
Oh, Jesus.

REGGIE:
That done

knocked the wig off

and everything. Damn!

RJ:
Hey, get off me

about it right now.

OTIS:
Oh, really?

Get off you about it?

RJ:
That's right.

Yeah, okay?

Stop sweating me

about it.

But I was trying to tell you

to wait on the flutterball.

You up there swinging

like Crouching Tiger,

Hidden Dragon,

now my mama

got a red titty

on her head!

She's my mama, too, O.

We don't know that.

You could be adopted.

Look, I gotta get the fish.

Meet me at Monty's.

Can you do that?

Mama, I'm sorry.

Really sorry, Mama.

I know, baby.

Mama'll be all right.

Heck, Mama, I was trying to

hit it out the park. I didn't

know it was going that way.

I'm getting my headache,

baby. Be quiet.

Daddy...

Son, we all make mistakes.

We just have

to learn from them.

Though I don't know

what you learn by giving

your mama a concussion.

OFFICER:
Hey, Big O!

I don't know

how you take it

down here, O.

Man, you was

the best linebacker

in the state.

If it wasn't

for your knee injury,

shoot!

Man, you'd be in the NFL,

living in a mansion,

driving a Benz.

Yeah, that's good, man.

But, you know, it wasn't

in God's plans for me.

God's plan is cool,

but you needed the "Me" plan.

Oh, man, stop talking

that bullshit. I ain't no

failure. I'm a king.

I got a great family,

I live in a great community

that I love and that loves

me back.

You the failure.

How do you

figure that?

I made it.

Oh, why? 'Cause you

got some money?

'Cause you on TV?

What else you got

to show for it?

Everything I ain't

have growing up.

What you ain't

have that was

that important?

Hey, why don't Jamaal know

how to play baseball?

You used to love to play,

and you was halfway decent.

Man, I ain't got time

for all that. Besides,

Jamaal only loves soccer.

I think Jamaal would love

whatever sport his father

showed interest in.

(MOCKING LAUGH)

Oh, so you a parenting

expert, now?

Man, all I'm saying is

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