Welcome to Me Page #6

that's all I have left.

That's a fortune. It's still a fortune.

If I were you, I would put this

in a safe place right away.

- It's in the bank.

- I mean to invest it. I will help you.

If you make a few smart choices,

you can have a very comfortable life.

Did you get our flowers?

Yes. They were very nice, thank you.

You feeling better?

Much. Yeah.

- Back on my meds.

- Oh, good.

So, what's on your mind?

I have six shows left,

but I want to do one long one.

- Well, we just assumed you were done.

- Almost.

What did you have in mind?

Something big.

Oh, we can do big.

Alice.

I know you're mad at me.

And I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

I accept your apology.

Okay.

I do hope for you, Alice.

I hope you have a good life.

Thanks.

Goodbye, Alice.

Can I come in?

Hey, Gina. It's me. I know

I'm not supposed to be calling you,

but I just wanted you to know

that I'm having one last final show

and I want... I would be honored

if you were there.

So...

please come. Please come.

Five, four, three, two.

Live, from beautiful

Palm Desert, California.

A special encore presentation

with your host, Alice Klieg.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you for tuning in

to Welcome to Me,

"The Legend of a Swan,

A Telethon for Change."

My name is Alice Klieg.

Hey, guys. You want

your balls back. I know.

There are a lot of things

I wish I could change, too.

I almost burnt my tits off,

and let a lot of people that I care about

feel like they weren't important to me.

I hurt a lot of American families,

but I'm learning.

And tonight, I'm going to make it right.

Anyone who adopts

any of these loving friends,

gets a year's worth

of dog food and treats,

a doggy bed, and a luxury travel crate.

Do we have the number

on the bottom of the screen, Dawn?

- Yes, we do, baby.

- Thank you, baby.

What's going on, Dawn?

Alice, if I'm not mistaken,

that's the Carousel of Life.

- That looks pretty damn good.

- It does.

Cue the turntable.

She's off to a really great start.

- Do we have Gina yet?

- No Gina.

There are so many things

to be thankful for.

But right now I would like

to express some gratitude

towards a certain artistic fellow.

Is Rainer Ybarra in the house?

I wanted to thank you

for calling me an artist,

because the moment you did,

so many lost years had meaning.

Could I just say something?

- No?

- You need to go back to your seat.

This is when I pretended to drown.

- She's going to be just fine.

- She really is.

And now I would like to honor a genuine

love-maker who I really care about.

Gabriel Ruskin, would you join me

by the Carousel of Life?

Once in a blue moon,

life gives you a one-way ticket

to that deep erotic play land

that only exists inside of us.

Shining captain on a sea of takers,

you docked in my port

and it wasn't even raining.

Go sit down.

- Still no Gina.

- Should we use a reenactor?

- Use a reenactor. Use a reenactor.

- Yeah.

Get Gina reenactor ready

for New Apartment 45 to the roll.

She's going to be devastated.

How are we doing in adoptions, Dawn?

Nothing yet, but the lines are open

and operators are standing by.

This is for Gina.

Well, I think your new apartment

is great, Alice.

I don't know if I can do this.

Maybe I should go back to the halfway house

where I have been living for most of 1996

after losing my job

at Palm Desert Animal Control.

You're ready to have

your own place, Alice.

I, Gina Selway, just know that you are.

It's almost as if you believe in me

more than I believe in myself.

I really do.

Hey, Grace, Miss Selway has arrived.

- Oh, my God, Gina's here.

- What!

I'd like to read

from a prepared statement.

"Dear Gina,

"thank you for being the only girl

who would speak to me in the sixth grade.

"Thank you for letting me sleep

holding on to you

"during that really bad period in 1989.

"Without you, I could never

have made it through my 20s,

"much less become a millionaire

and talk-show host.

"You are the kindest,

most patient person I know.

"I don't deserve a friend as loyal as you,

but I sure am lucky to have one.

"You could have given up on me

seven million times, but you didn't.

And for all those times, I would like

to present you with the following."

And we're out in ten,

nine, eight, seven, six,

five, four,

three, two, one.

You want me to stay?

You know, I think I'd better bond

with the beast.

Oh, I got you a present.

What am I supposed to do with this?

Anything you want.

Okay, I'm going to go ahead.

You go ahead, do your thing.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Okay.

Bye.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes