Welcome to the North Page #2

I can't say no.

- He could resign.

- No, he'd lose Maria like that!

What was that about grassing?

- I tell you, and you...

- I tell myself.

Do you know that in our working life

we waste over 2 years

greeting each other?

Do you know that since

you started working,

you have spent 1.5 years

in the toilet?

Do you think that's healthy?

No.

A perfect office is an office

that abolishes time-wasting.

Colombo,

you will be our Marchionne!

- Hope I don't disappoint you.

- You won't. Your values...

are the values of our project:

efficiency, readiness, punctuality,

energy, smiles, in one word...

E.R.P.E.S.

I know, the Italian translation

doesn't really work.

In Japanese, it's "Banzai".

- Nonsense, Erpes is great.

- Yes, great.

You have a year to pull it off.

You're the right man to spread Erpes.

Every Saturday

you'll meet various Italian offices.

- He can't.

- Why?

He promised to go

to the mountains with his wife.

- How do you know?

- Silvia told me. I'm single.

So what? I'm separated.

I'm sorry.

My wife talks and talks,

but in the end I decide.

Yeah, right.

When will I get a chance

like this again?

- Never!

- Right, exactly.

Fried mozzarella,

rice croquettes, and dough balls.

- The stuffed peppers?

- Right there.

I put home-made pasta here.

And your main dishes are here.

- And here?

- Starters. I kept them separate.

- Great, that's tidier.

- Where do these go?

- All those woollen jumpers?

- It's cold in Milan.

- In August?

- It might not be summer there.

- Are the seasons different?

- The Po Valley...

They're rich, they work hard

and rush around.

And if you fall,

they'll tread right over you.

- Why would I fall?

- Because they rush around!

And if you get ill,

they'll let you die.

- Why would I get ill?

- Like she said, because it's cold!

Sorry, I was distracted.

And anyway, going to the north

isn't that bad.

My brother left 15 years ago

and never came back.

- Did he settle there?

- He died.

But remember...

Alberto came here to the south

with lots of prejudices too,

and they were all nonsense.

Those about the south are nonsense,

those about the north are true.

- Come off it, mom!

- You come off it!

Go easy, mom.

It won't close!

Daddy'll teach you

how to hit the ball with your head.

Yes, because daddy has a hard head.

I want to stay with you and our kid.

- Give me some hope.

- You need to grow up.

Grow up!

I've prepared a list

of Milanese words.

Good morning is "smagattelot".

Enjoy your meal is

"Nassabinicutanne".

Milk soup is...

I can't ask for that in Milan!

Come on!

I prepared this surprise

for you, look!

Anti-fog jacket, this'll be handy

in Milan because it's foggy

and you risk getting run over.

- Have a good journey!

- Bye, thanks.

Mattia, look what I've brought you!

- Inter FC and Milan FC.

- So you'll blend in there.

Like a chameleon.

- I'll miss you.

- Mattia!

Don't go, don't go up north!

Mom, take iteasy.

Don't wory,

Alberto is a true friend.

Let's hope so.

Mattia, don't go!

Don't go!

Where are you heading?

- Milan.

- Sweet Jesus!

- Hello?

- Have you arrived?

- I'm still in Salerno.

- Put your wool jumper on!

- Let me getto Caserta!

- Put it on, it's cold in Milan.

But it's boiling now.

- Hello?

- You didn't call to say you arrived!

- I haven't yet.

- Okay.

I put my wool jumper on,

I did!

Hello? He didn't even answer!

I sent Chicco

to sleep at his grandma's!

Alpine soldier, we're all alone!

Won't you ask me

what we're celebrating?

I know perfectly well...

We are celebrating our...

No, I know! Your...

Whose is it?

What are we celebrating?

- What is it?

- The house in the mountains!

I found it! There's even

a leopard-skin fireplace.

I signed a year contract

before we lost the chance.

Payment upfront? Great news!

We'll leave Saturday at 14:20

and arrive at 16:15,

and we'll have

polenta and sausage for dinner.

- Sounds good, but I can't.

- Sausage gives you indigestion.

It's not that, it's...

Remember that pilot project

I told you about?

I'll need to work weekends

for awhile.

- For how long?

- Oneyear...

Oneyear?

- They're not sure.

- What accent is that?

I have a Tuscan colleague,

the accent is catching.

That's mozzarella...

It'll probably be a month,

or two or three...

- Two, three... how many?

- I don't know, a couple!

But now's the Alpine soldier

party season!

I don't want to miss

the pork stew all-nighter!

- Looking for someone?

- Alberto Colombo.

Silvia, I do care about you,

Chicco, and pork stew!

Well, if you care, when was I born?

- December 6th.

- Yes, what year?

No, don't say it!

And Chicco,

when does he study English?

When does he play football,

chess or study music?

- He plays chess? Since when?

- You see!

I knew... he does something

every day, so...

Yes, when?

Any clues? Thursday!

- What does he do on Thursday?

- Football.

You lucked out.

You only think of your career!

You backed the pilot project.

With a room full of jerks

shouting "Colombo"!

Like you'd discovered America.

I've had enough!

- Who is it now?

- Crikey, he's already here.

I told you Mattia was being

transferred to Milan...

- When?

- Now, he's here.

I've had a busy day... Silvia!

I got the mozzarella for him.

How nice to see you!

There's a hotel nearby:

"La bella Milano".

They have cable TV, mini-bars.

Great to see you, what a surprise!

All I need is fog...

Holy Madonna!

Mattia, come in,

that idiot was only joking!

May I?

May I come in?

- May I?

- Come on in. It's nearly ready.

Where shall I sit?

He's here now, don't mope all night.

I'd never do that.

I'll goto the hotel, don'twory.

They've got cable TV.

Nonsense, it's a pleasure!

Come on, I was laying the table.

This is your plate.

You need a chair, right?

Give me a kiss!

- A little thought.

- Roses?

They still exist?

I haven't seen any for ages!

She means you can't get flowers

in Milan, we're not...

- So, how are things?

- Awful, I broke up with Maria.

Great, excuse me a moment.

I gave you flowers the other day,

remember?

Flowers? Oh right...

that withe red rose you bought me

just because the vendor

was almost 7 feet tall...

You want to argue,

can we do it tomorrow though?

You're right, tell me what time,

I'll put it in my diary.

- Mattia, do you like sushi?

- Yes, I like Milanese cuisine.

Silvia is the queen of sushi.

We have it evey week.

It's great, do you like it?

Delicious.

The fish needed more cooking,

but the rice is perfect.

It's nice without condiments,

I like eating light

That southern sense of humour!

You're in good form.

- Everything okay with Maria?

- No, I feel like I'm dying...

Alberto is vey interested

in other people's feelings.

- In fact I was telling him...

- Let him finish talking!

- Go on, get it off your chest.

- Thanks.

- I have a problem with Maria.

- Just one?

What a lucky couple.

- Dashi?

- Shall we dash? Where to?

No, you sit down.

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