West Is West Page #2

Home.

Rehana.

Are they all related to us?

Maneer, Sajid.

Take these out.

- What have you come here for?

- Blackpool were fully booked.

Well, I'm not looking after you.

I'm going home soon.

Don't have to.

We're only here for a few weeks.

He's come to sort out your engagement.

He'll be lucky.

No one will f***ing have me.

Can't think why.

Did me mam not send me

Nana Mouskouri tapes?

Then again...

Oh, great! I love this album.

Ain't she beautiful?

Poof.

Maneer!

Maneer!

- What?

- Where are you?

We sleep up here.

He dragged me all the way from Salford

to sleep on a f***ing roof?

Some people might say

that were a step up.

I need the bog.

- Help yourself.

- Sh*t in a field?

Not the fields.

They like you to go in the scrub.

Bit f***ing choosy, aren't they?

Over and over

I whisper your name

Over and over

I love you again

I see the light of love in your eyes

Love is forever

No more goodbyes

Maneer.

Maneer!

- What?

- What's that noise?

It's the djinn.

- The what?

- A ghost that lives down by the stream.

- F*** off.

- I'm not kidding.

He's letting you know

he knows you're here.

F*** off.

Just make sure you're not down there

of a night-time by yourself.

- Why?

- Djinns can possess you.

- You see anybody, just look at his feet.

- Why?

'Cause a djinns feet

will be on backwards.

Night-night!

- What are you doing now?

- Checking for elephant balls.

Oi! Come. Eat breakfast.

It's paratha. Good for you. Eat.

She made tea too sweet for her.

She always bloody doing it.

Everything okay? Home? Everybody happy?

Probably are, now my dad isn't there.

Hey, you be no cheeky, huh?

I hear what you up to in England.

I go be keeping very close eye on you.

I not take bloody any trouble from you.

F*** off, you fat twat.

Hey! Come here!

I'll tell your father

about this, man!

Why you wearing that?

- 'Cause I want to.

- Well, take it off.

You said it were for Pakistan.

I no bloody mean now.

It's too hot wearing this thing.

Where are the Pakistani clothes

I gave you?

I'm not wearing them.

Why not? You looking smart like us?

I've already told you

what you look like.

- Go put on.

- No.

- Go, baster, put on!

- No.

I warn you, mister...

Go.

All this, mine.

Here, all the way back to village.

Uh, except that bit there on the right.

- Is mine from my father.

- Not much, eh?

- All family work together, see?

- Yes, this is all for family.

All the time I send money.

Buy more land. All for family.

And I working all land.

All for family.

For future, you see.

Oh...

- Popular, isn't he?

- So was Hitler.

Grundig C 6000 Automatic.

Automatic VHF fine-tuning.

...compact tape recorder.

Automatic recording.

Short wave, medium wave, long wave.

- All waves.

- Always.

See? They're having a party.

Here.

Sajid? Come here.

Master-ji Eyaz.

Say, "Salam alaikum."

- Salam alaikum.

- Wa alaikum as-salam.

And this is Pir Naseem.

We've met.

Ah, yes, yes! We have met!

We have been waiting for your

father's return for a long time.

Your mummy, Basheera,

and your sisters are very happy.

She's not me mam.

- Like mum though, isn't it?

- It's not.

Is in Pakistan.

Me mam's me mam, Pakistan or Salford.

- Sajid.

- I have a brother in England.

He works in the mill, in Ramsbottom.

Do you know Ramsbottom?

Ramsbottom?

Is there such a place, Sajid?

I don't know.

And if there were, would you

freely admit to coming from it?

Your father wishes to entrust me with

your spiritual and academic education

- here in Pakistan.

- You what?

You're going to bloody school, isn't it?

You said it was a holiday!

- Baster, don't you start that with me.

- You can't make me.

I didn't want to come

to this f***ing dump in the first place!

I in charge here.

Your mum not here now.

She doesn't need to be.

You've got a slave here already.

- Sajid! Sajid!

- Sajid!

Sajid.

Carry on the way you're going, you'll

be here a lot longer than you think.

F*** off! Just f*** off!

You can f*** off and all, Mowgli.

Are you deaf, twat head?

Come with me.

Here. Dead peoples.

- You want looky?

- Yeah, all right.

Bloody Nora! Dead bodies!

Who are they?

I think perhaps they're Moghul soldiers.

You know Moghul soldiers?

Fighting here, long time ago.

- Your English is all right.

- Hmm?

I mean,

you speak good English.

Better than you, yes. I do, true.

Pir Naseem's teaching me.

You speak Punjabi?

- No.

- Speak.

- It's not very good.

- Speaking, speaking.

No, no, no. Don't say these words.

Very bad words.

Who say these words?

Me dad on the phone.

You know, the telephone.

Maneer, you be respectful all the time.

- Right, Dad.

- And you,

say nothing.

No touch anyone. No look anybody.

Maneer!

Why don't you just try?

You know I can't speak Pun-f***ing-jabi.

Sajid! Answer him.

Chigi-chigi-chigi!

All right! F***ing hell.

Bloody stupy!

- Where you going?

- What?

In.

Ah, this is the one.

Are you sure, Dad?

It was 30-odd years ago.

He was good friend. He at my wedding.

Abdullah! Jahangir.

He's a good boy.

She would live in England,

my wife will welcome her into our home

as if she were her own daughter.

You are my friend, Jahangir.

But there cannot be marriage

between my daughter and your son.

- But why?

- I mean you no disrespect.

But in England your life is

different.

Different from whose?

Girls here marry in England

all the time.

Your own eldest daughter

lives in England now.

I said your life, Jahangir.

I take it that were a "no", then.

No one want their daughter marry you.

I bloody ashamed!

Dad.

Oh! I'll just find

me own way back, then, shall I?

It's not like I'm in the middle

of f***ing nowhere, is it?

All right! Chigi-chigi-chigi!

Are you all right, Dad?

It's all your fault, baster.

You and you family

pucking giving me trouble all the time.

Why you no go to your mam?

Get out of my house.

I no want you here.

Go home!

You no belong here.

You always said we do belong here.

- Go!

- What's changed your mind now, eh?

Don't talk to me like this.

You swan around here

like nothing's ever happened.

Jahangir Khan,

the King of England, returned.

- Shut up! Shut up!

- Too near the truth, is it?

You make me laugh.

Bringing Sajid here

to teach him a lesson?

I warn you, mister.

What were you going

to teach him, eh, Dad?

How to dump his wife and kids

for 30 f***ing years?

It's not me your friends won't

let their daughters marry.

It's you.

Get out!

I mean, he's dead Pakistani

and everything, our Maneer is.

You can't fault him on that.

It's difficult.

And he's not that ugly.

- People worried.

- What about?

Go on. Tell me.

They think he will be like his father.

That maybe he will leave his wife here

and marry English woman.

- Like your father did.

- Maneer wouldn't do that.

Tanvir and Rehana tell people

this will happen.

They don't want you or Maneer

to live here.

I don't f***ing want to live here!

They say your father will give

all the lands to his son,

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