What Did You Do in the War, Daddy? Page #2

Captain!

Captain, what is wrong in a festival?

Look...

Mr. Mayor, do you mind? Please.

Mr. Mayor, do I look like an ogre?

I am in the Army,

and I take orders, like anybody else,

and that means that mine is not

to reason why, mine is but to do or die!

-Who said that? Who said that?

-But, Captain...

Captain, what is the harm in a festival?

I do not understand.

No! No! Nobody... Nobody understands!

I understand, Captain. Captain.

-I think its time we had a little talk.

-I think its time we had a little talk.

Now, Captain, before I say a word,

I want to say that...

Granted this is unmilitary,

granted it's ridiculous, granted it's insane.

But now suppose, just suppose

that you give them that festival.

Out of the question! Give them

the festival? Mr. Christian, that's...

Listen. Listen.

It would mean a guaranteed surrender.

Now, which is more important?

A days delay in moving them out

or fighting the war by the book?

You told me yourself, it could affect

the entire outcome of the war.

-It certainly could.

-All right, then.

The hang-up is General Bolt.

What about Bolt?

What about the delay?

What am I to do, send him a wire?

''Hello, Max, the weather's fine.

Having a little party.

-I'll handle General Bolt.

-How?

-Minow!

-Yo!

Look, as soon as you've

established communications,

-''Have encountered minor resistance.''

-I like it!

You like it? You like it?

-You like it?

-Oh, Captain.

just who the hell can you trust?

Then lump it, Rizzo. Lump it!

This is war! It's not a picnic!

Could even be a trap! That's it! That's it!

One gigantic trap!

Strategy-wise, they figure to weaken us

with the wine and the women.

Remember the Trojan horse?

Remember the Trojan horse?

Do you realize how long...

Listen, Rizzo, your job is

to guard those Italians.

Guard those Italians,

and shadow Oppo's men.

-No fraternizing, no boozing.

-But, Captain...

Listen, I'm gonna say it once more,

and this is it!

-This is war. They are the enemy!

-You're wrong! There's wine!

Just remember that!

Lieutenant Christian! Over here!

-Lieutenant Christian? All secure?

-Sir?

I'm going to move around the square now.

See you anon, Lieutenant.

Anon, Captain.

Who did that? Who did that?

''I am going to move around

the square now!''

Why don't you get him off our backs?

There's a party going on!

-I like parties more than I like parades.

-So do I.

Look, we'll see.

I'll see what I can do, right?

-What the hell!

-Why not?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

-Vino?

-No, thanks.

-Yeah, why not?

-All right, damn it! Why not?

Beautiful! Beautiful!

What the hell are you doing?

-Well, Captain, we were just...

-I know what you were just!

Fraternizing with the enemy

and drinking while on duty!

The penalty for either offense can

only be one thing, and that is...

What the hell happened to my hat?

Who took my...

Give me that!Are you...

-Rizzo! Rizzo!

Have you taken leave of your senses, man?

-Sir?

-What about the Trojan horse?

Did you forget that?

Did you forget the Trojan horse?

Well, listen to me, Rizzo.

For the last time, this is war!

Not a... Oh, no...

Oh, Lionel. Comrade in arms!

How are you?

-What do you want?

-To salute you.

-You're a disgrace to the uniform!

-What? You insult a man who salutes you?

A descendant of Pax Romana,

the victorious Roman legions?

And you strike me as rather sad.

Listen, why are you so serious?

Come on, why don't you have a drink?

Because while your responsibilities

have terminated,

Back to your posts!

Back to your posts!

Back to your posts!

Soldiers fraternizing with

the enemy in time of war!

Do you know what that means?

Back to your post!

Back to your post!

Did you hear what I said?

Back to your post!

Listen, fella.

Trying to strike an officer in a time of war!

Do you know what that means?

Back to your post!

-Soldier, back to your post!

-Yes, sir.

Look at you! You're so young,

sweet and gentle. What are you...

-Captain Cash. Captain Cash!

-We'll vote later.

-Later well vote.

-Sit down. Sit down and rest.

-I can't. I can't...

-No, no, no, no, no.

Even a Caesar cannot go on fighting

every day and every night.

Look, Mr. Mayor, I am neither

a tyrant nor a martinet!

-I am...

-Men's lives are in his hands, Romano.

-I understand.

-Do you really?

Are you perhaps Sicilian?

-No, why? Do I look Sicilian?

-Not at all.

-Have a drink.

-Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm on duty.

Captain, relax. I'll take care of it.

Sit down. You're in good hands here.

It is rumored that Hannibal

crossing the Alps

was in a state of complete and total drunk.

-Hey, baby, wait for me!

-Soldier!

Soldier, come back here, soldier!

Come back to your post!

-Soldier, you...

-Look, Captain, listen.

-Listen, Captain.

-What?

Well, these people are touchy that way.

Oh, we don't want to have snipers

at our backs.

Gentlemen! Gina, my daughter.

-Good evening, Captain Cash.

-Yes?

How are you?

Oh, I am so happy to see you again, and...

-Are you really?

-Yes, of course.

-My nerves are a little on edge.

I have dynamite in a bottle.

Get it.

It isn't that, it's just that

my men are waiting...

Oh, please. Relax.

-Relax. Relax. Relax.

-Your hands are very warm. Yes.

-Oh, look at...

-Thank you.

Isn't he a handsome devil?

-Oh, yes.

-Here we are.

-You are beautiful.

-Well, I don't know about beautiful.

Oh, yes, please believe me.

Oh, yes. For you.

-Oh, no, I really...

-Oh, yes, you must...

-On me.

-Oh, here, here.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

-I propose a toast. To Gina's beauty!

-Oh, thank you.

Not to drink is to call her ugly!

-Oh, yes. Thank you.

-Salute. Thank you.

Hey, buddy, how about some wine?

-To the defeat of the Axis Powers.

-Defeat of the Axis Powers.

-Isn't that treason?

-That's not very diplomatic.

Oh, sorry, to the defeat

of the Axis Powers.

-Is it wrong for me to drink?

-Oh, no. Why?

Is it wrong for birds to fly?

Drunk?

It is permissible for eagles!

Eagles may fly drunk, and you,

my brave captain, you are an eagle!

A winged victory!

-Gina, an Cora.

-Ah, yes.

No, no, no, this one.

Well?

I don't like to waste good table wine.

-Oh, God, my troops!

-Oh, no! No, no! No, no, no, no!

-My troops...

-Relax.

Rest, you eagle.

Gina!

Gina!

Gina! Gina!

Captain Oppo, happy New Year!

Thank you! Thank you! Did you...

-Have you seen Gina?

-Gina?

Yes.An angel!Atemptress!

A symphony!Avolcano!

-Maybe she is in the hotel!

-No, no, no! I just came out of there.

-She's not in there.

-Oh, no, no.

There! There!

-Where have I failed me?

-You have done all you can, Captain.

Have I really? Have I really?

-You have. Yes, you have.

-Oh, no.

-Gina...

-Yes?

Am I a fool to care?

To General Dwight D. Eisenhower!

To Senor Fandango Guava!

-Who's he?

-Flamenco dancer.

-Come on, Oppo, it's all set up.

-She is not my Gina!

Who's Gina?

Exactly my question. Who's Gina?

Wait.

-Nice, huh?

-Bravo, very nice.

To Elbert Hubbard of East Lackawanna.

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