What Did You Do in the War, Daddy? Page #3

To Elbert Hubbard of East Wannalacka.

No.

No. It's East Lackawanna.

Okay. Wannalacka.

That's right, Wannalacka.

-Wannalacka.

-Wannalacka.

Picture. Picture.

Hey. Hold steady.

I'm holding it steady.

-Sorry, I...

-It's all right.

-Picture.

-Nice. Easy, easy.

All right, now look at your birdie.

I'm sorry.

Gina...

-Thank you.

-Gina.

There's a tavern in a town

There are two taverns in a town, even!

And lots of broads!

There's a tavern...

Yeah, well,

you gotta beat three old ladies!

Look whos taking candy away

from the bambinos here!

We might have won this battle,

but we're losing the war of nerves.

Move over, baby. Move over.

It takes one to beat one.

Ten-hut!

Lionel?

All right, let's pull ourselves...

Pull ourselves together.

Thank you, my dear. Let's look smart!

Let's conduct ourselves

in a military manner.

After all, cleanliness is

next to Schofield Barracks.

As you were. Cleanliness is...

Yes!

Cleanliness is next...

Lionel. No. What are you doing?

Come here, dear.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry, my love.As you were, men.

Oh, Lionel.

-One more?

-Yes, here.

Lionel! Lionel, you mustn't slip.

So our little cardboard soldier

is a mortal, after all!

I heard that, Sergeant Rizzo.

You are treading on thin ice.

Treading on thin ice,

so watch what you say, friend.

Come on, come on.

Come on, who's next?

I am, but all I got are

three balloons left in scrip.

What's he saying?

He says you can bet any part of your

uniform or your gear.

He says... He thinks... He likes yours.

His is shabby. He likes ours better.

Well, you tell him he's got a deal, man.

Column of files to the left to the right.

Column to the right, march.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

-That's no fair tickling now, come on!

-You're ticklish? Well...

Oh! Gina, please.

-That's classified information. I can't...

-Oh, come here, dear.

I tell no one.

You promise, Gina?

You promise you won't tell anyone?

Cross my heart.

Yes. Oh, yes?

Promise you won't tell anybody.

-Because it's a big secret...

-Oh, tell me.

Tell me, please.

You are a very warm people.

You know that?

-Yes?

-Oh, you're so warm! I love this country.

-I bet my belt and my field jacket.

-Easy, baby, easy!

Quiet! I know what I'm doing!

-A toast!

-A toast to what?

Peace in our time!

Do you think I'm a bad captain?

Don't be foolish.

-I'm not bad.

-No.

Firm.

But I'm not bad.

''Firm but fair Cash.''

That's what they used to call me at O.C.S.

-Where?

-O.C.S.

Otis, Couth and Slade.

That's an advertising firm.

You are a long, long way from there.

I was an office boy.

-Is that a very good job?

-Oh, yeah.

Tote that barge, block that ad.

Clean out that basket.

I was what they call a gofer.

-What is ''gofer''?

-Gofer?

I used to go for coffee, go for stamps,

but I had discipline.

Man needs discipline.

You can die from lack of discipline.

That's good.

-I feel guilty.

-About me?

No.About my men.

General Bolt.

I'm like a son to dear old Max.

Who is Max?

I don't know. That's what bothers me.

Lieutenant Christian!

Lieutenant Christian!

Lieutenant Christian!

-Lieutenant Christian!

-Silence!

-Lieutenant!

-WII Corporal Minow cut out the racket?

I just got the message.

He's on his way here, right now!

Judas priest!

-What time is he due?

-09:
00.

Stay.

Don't move!

I'll be right down.

No, no, no, no!

Oppo! Oppo, wake up. Wake up.

-Who are you?

-Never mind who I am. Just...

Are you awake?

Look, now listen. We've got

a hell of a lot of trouble here now.

No, no, Oppo. Oppo?

What is the time?

We're in a hell of a lot of trouble.

There's an American intelligence officer

named Pott who's going to be here

It's too late. The party's over now.

No, no, no, we didn't invite him

to the party.

Why?

that we were having a little battle

here at Valerno, see?

But that's a lie.

Yes, I know it's a lie.

But we had to lie. We lied for you.

Yes, I remember.

We are grateful. Very grateful.

Oh, good, now I would like you to do

a little something for me now.

-Would you, please?

-Yes.

At exactly 09:
15,

I would like you to take your men,

and march them right down to our field

headquarters under a white flag of truce.

-Flag of truce.

-And forget about the festival.

-This never happened. Understand that?

-Yeah. Yeah.

Now, look, we've been fighting.

You've been resisting.

-Yes. Yes.

-You can understand that?

Yes. Don't be a child.

I'm a descendant of Machiavelli.

No, no, it's my hat. I gotta have my hat.

Lieutenant Christian.

Stay here and watch for Pott.

Quiet! Quiet!

Quiet!

Listen, what the hell is going on here?

These dum-dums won our uniforms

in a card game last night.

-We were all smashed and...

-Where's the captain?

-Digging latrines! Flying kites!

-Rizzo!

How the hell am I supposed to know?

Leave me alone! I'm only a kid!

Well, I have news from the front

for you, my child!

-What?

-Now! Oppo surrenders at 10:00.

We keep Pott company

until he arrives, right?

-Right.

-And in the meantime,

the costume ball is over!

Then go into town and shape up

the troops. Capisce?

Si, Si, I capisce.

Lieutenant!

Lieutenant Christian!

-Pott! He's here!

-What?

All right, listen! Pott is here.

A half a mile down the road.

So hide, everybody, hide anywhere!

-Hide! Hide!

-Hide! Hide!

-Where's Cash?

-Upstairs with a broad!

Hide! Hide!

No, no, no, no!AII right now.

Put your hands down! Hide! Hide!

Ten-hut!

-Major!

-Lieutenant Christian.At ease.

Good Lord, these men look like

they've been through hell!

Yes, sir, that about sums it up.

Hell, sir. Pure hell.

-Whats the situation?

-Fluid.

Sir, I don't like the composition.

Could I have you over there with...

-Casualties?

-Frightful, sir.

-Damn shame.

-Yes, sir.

What about...

Give your men at ease, Lieutenant.

At ease, men!At ease, please!

Look, he said, ''At ease.''

Can't you men fathom a simple order?

Well, sir, they hate to let up

even for an instant.

Dulls their keen fighting edge.

-No pictures, please!

-No pictures?

-No.

-What's your name?

Let's have that again, soldier!

You're mumbling!

What is he...

Its the incessant gunfire.

I'm afraid they don't hear too well.

All right. Fall in!

-My God, it's Cash!

-You may be right!

Should you be moving him like that?

I mean, what if hes broken a...

Crazy stubborn fool!

-Out of a death bed to lead another attack!

-Yes, they're like that. They're like that!

These academy boys are like that.

Stuck up. Know what I mean?

Yeah. Come on.

Right in here, sir.

You guys are marvelous.

You went through a lot of hell.

Here, move in closer, move in closer.

You, pull in. I want to get a picture of this.

''The heroes of Valerno.''

-Gina! Gina!

-He's gone, sir. He's far gone!

Smells like a distillery in here!

Yes, sir. We had to improvise last night.

We ran out of morphine.

Oh, good morning!

-Oh, Gina!

-Who the hell is that?

-Well, I am the daughter...

-Of the local surgeon, sir.

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