What Happened Last Night Page #5

Plus, I'm the pretty one.

Put on the dress.

So, what am I?

Honey, you're the smart one.

So that makes Liz the ho, huh?

Exactly, that makes Liz the ho.

And these are great.

Should I wear stockings

with this?

I don't know.

They're kind of a pain

in the ass

when you're drunk, right?

Good point.

Hmm.

Oh, no, no, no. There.

There, perfect.

How do I look?

You need makeup.

Mindy, come on.

Just shut up and suck this.

What?

Just kiss it.

Like suck it a little.

Is this what you do

in your spare time?

It's for your lips.

It makes them look pretty.

What's wrong with my lips?

Just shut up and kiss it, okay?

Come on.

You better stop scowling

or you're gonna have to get

Botox.

Hmm.

Oh. Wait, wait.

Okay, stop, stop sucking.

Stop sucking!

Jesus.

Look, let's go there,

stay for an hour,

and then leave, okay.

Can you just shut up

so that you stop making me

make mistakes on your face?

Look, let's see how it is.

It's gonna be nice.

Who knows, Sarah?

You might find somebody

that's worth while there.

You actually might have fun.

Or maybe I'll wind up standing

in the corner all night.

Lose this bet

and have to do the dishes

for the next two weeks.

Oh, my god,

we're gonna have a fun time.

It's gonna be great.

Something wonderful

is gonna happen tonight, okay?

Look, I feel it. Okay?

Well?

I'm a miracle worker.

Shut up.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Do you want me to do your hair?

What's wrong with my hair?

Nothing.

Nothing's wrong with your hair.

What's wrong with my hair,

Mindy?

Nothing is wrong with your hair.

Just... flip, flip.

Flip. Come on, flip.

I don't think I'm ready

for this yet.

Ready for what?

Flip back up.

This whole dating thing.

I was so happy with Dave.

What if I never find anyone who

makes me feel that way again?

Oh, my goodness gracious.

Do you hear yourself?

What's the matter with you?

You used to be so much fun

to hang out with.

And now you're just

a dragging doll

because of Dave.

That's not true, Mindy.

I'm just a little sad.

A little sad?

A little sad.

You've had your nose in a book,

dragging your feet

ever since you found out that

that donkey conk cheated on you.

Forget it, Mindy, I'm not going.

Come here. Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Look at yourself.

Look at yourself.

What do you see?

Nothing.

Mindy, this is ridiculous.

I'll do the dishes, okay?

No, no, no.

Look at yourself.

You wanna know

why you see nothing?

It's because he reduced you

to nothing.

He's gone, Sarah,

and he's still controlling you.

We can stop talking

about this now.

No, tough sh*t.

You're sad, you're depressed

and your pushing your friends

away.

Yes, all right, yes.

I mean,

I'm obviously not capable

of holding a guy's attention

for very long.

I'm not pretty,

I'm too smart for my own good,

and I don't put out.

A, your delusional.

B, he's an a**hole.

Dave is an a**hole.

A-s-w-h-o-l-e, a**hole.

Maybe he started off great,

maybe it was wonderful.

But he turned into an a**hole.

It's over, it is done,

and it is time to move on.

And it's best

that you realize it.

Now, get your sh*t together,

and let's go over

and go to that damn party.

Because you have a bet

to settle.

You're gonna win, Mindy.

I mean, what guy would wanna

be seen with me anyway?

Dan, come on, let's go.

I'm not going, man.

Why not?

Because I'm busy.

Dude, Megan isn't

gonna be there.

This has nothing to do

with Megan.

This has everything to do

with Megan.

Look, just lay off, man.

You need to go to this party,

Danny.

No, I need to hone my craft.

I'm working this Sunday.

What, are you

Suzy-f***ing-homemaker?

Shut up, Joe.

Come on, Dan.

Look, I'm not in the mood

to go to a party tonight.

This is your last gamma bash.

I know.

Besides,

Freshie's going beer for beer.

Yeah? With who?

Well, at first it was supposed

to be with you.

But we figured he'd drink you

under the table,

so now he's matching

all the brothers.

I can outdrink Freshie any day

of the week, twice on Sunday.

Well, he's twice your size.

Twice the experience.

Experience?

There's not a lot to do in Iowa

besides drink and pick corn.

Come on.

Are you sure?

No pledge is gonna outdrink

Danny barker.

I can't believe

you didn't back me up.

Dude, Freshie's a big guy, man.

Come on!

These are good brownies.

This is taking forever.

Senior! Yeah!

Yes! This party is jumping!

Ugh!

Hey, what time is it?

It's like 9:
30 or something.

I don't know.

God. If we were later,

they may not have let us in.

Mm.

That would have been lucky us.

What is your problem?

Are you still torn up

over the two-timer?

That's it, I'm out of here.

Sarah. Sarah, wait.

Sarah wait!

Do we have to like chase her

now?

Oh, my god.

What the hell's the matter

with you?

Do you know what it took

to get her here?

It's ridiculous.

I mean, that was mean.

Look, I didn't want her to come

if she's gonna sulk and pout

the whole time.

What the hell?

Just go get bent.

Just go, go get bent, go.

Okay, I'll see you in five.

Sarah! Sarah!

Come on, Sarah! Wait!

Hammer this, bro.

Come on, man.

Put a smile on your face.

I'm going for a couple beers,

man. What do you want?

Well... I mean, I want you

to have a good time.

Seen a girl

about my height, brown hair,

wearing a blue dress?

Yeah.

Actually she just passed us.

Where? Where did she go?

Right back there.

We'll help you find her

if you want.

Thank you so much.

I'll see you guys at the party.

Yeah.

What crawled up his ass?

Don't worry about it.

Let's go find your friend.

Thank you so much.

Sarah, wait up!

Oh, leave me alone!

Wait up, Sarah!

Who are you?

Joe Crosby.

Well, I hope you two have a nice

time at the party tonight.

Where are you going?

Home.

What are you going home for?

There's a party

right around the corner.

I'm not in the mood for a party.

Oh, come on, Sarah.

Look,

we walked all the way here.

You're gonna have fun.

If you're not having fun

in an hour

we'll have fun.

See? We'll go home if not.

- Are you kidding me?

- No, I'm not kidding you.

Do you promise?

Okay.

Look at me, I promise.

Regardless of whether

I'm having fun or not,

I promise...

You'll have fun.

Why, thank you.

But if you wanna go home

in an hour, then we'll go.

As long as it's after an hour.

Okay?

But we have to wait

in that line all over again.

No, you won't. I'm a gamma.

You ladies can just come

to the gamma entrance with me.

See?

Great.

Things are looking up.

Thank you.

Let's go.

Ugh.

Bundy.

Gamma hi, gamma pi,

gamma oh, hello.

Good job, Bundy.

Sit down, bud.

Danny come in yet?

Yes, senior brother.

Came in five minutes ago.

He's looking for

pledge brother Freshie.

Thanks, Bundy.

I'm gonna send foot rub out

so you can come in.

Thank you, brother Crosby.

Foot rub. Foot rub?

Don't ask. Come on.

Foot rub? What do you have...?

You have backrub or something?

Thank you.

Hi, if I show you my b*obs

will you let me in?

No.

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