What Happens In Vegas... Page #8

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Hello, McNally.

Jack-Off, how are you doing?

- Hey, Mr. Banger.

- How are you?

Good.

Cheers.

"Hello, my name is Joy's B*tch."

How's it going tonight?

You guys having fun?

That's a good one, McNally.

I had no idea you were so much fun.

She's very serious at work.

You don't know her that well.

This one's a wildcat.

- I wouldn't lie to you, Big Dick.

- Well, if you did, I'd have to kill you.

- Seriously.

- There's nothing this woman loves

- more than a good dare.

- Really?

Yeah. You ever see what she can do

with a champagne bottle?

- Unbelievable. Shocking.

- No, it's just... It's a party trick. It's not...

I dare you.

- I hate you.

- You love me.

Very good! Very good!

Terrific! You know,

had I seen this side of you before,

I probably would have promoted you

a long time ago.

Get down on it

- That's a lot.

- Your turn.

You know what? You shouldn't do that.

You've got this, okay?

Throw the dice.

You've got this.

- We need what, a seven?

- A seven!

- Okay.

- Throw a seven!

Seven.

Oh, my God!

- Thank you. Thank you.

- You're welcome.

We're done. Can we quit?

Can we quit? We're... Okay.

Throw it in there.

Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen,

would you please gather round?

Come on. Don't be afraid.

This year's Golden Handshake Award

for best team spirit goes to a new face,

and one of the funniest son of a b*tches

I've ever had the pleasure to know.

And I think you know

who I'm talking about.

- Jack-Off! Jack-Off! Jack-Off!

- Jack-Off! Jack-Off! Jack-Off!

Get up here! Come on!

Congratulations, Jack-Off.

Well, thank you all

for an amazing weekend. I...

I have to thank my wife, Joy.

she probably never told you all

the story about how we met.

It might come as a surprise

to many of you

that we didn't know each other

for very long before we got hitched.

What can I say? You know?

When you know, you know.

On our wedding night, we were so busy

running back to the honeymoon suite

that we never really got a chance

to have a first dance.

so...

Ladies and gentlemen,

for the first time,

Mr. and Mrs. Jack Fuller!

First, when there's nothing

but a slow glowing dream

That your fear seems to hide...

You hear that?

- They're clinking.

- Yeah. They are clinking.

I think that means they want us to kiss.

Well, if that's what the crowd wants...

Yeah, but if you're not up for it,

you don't have to. It's fine.

In a world made of steel

Made of stone

Well, I hear the music

Close my eyes, feel the rhythm

Wrap around

Take a hold of my heart

What a feeling!

Being's believing

I can't have it all

Now I'm dancing for my life

Take your passion

And make it happen

All right, look.

When's the last time

you were, like, really happy?

- Really happy?

- And don't say Vegas,

because if you do, I'll just... I'll have to cry.

Okay.

There was this one day,

before the Exchange, before Mason.

I was feeling really adventurous,

so I took the ferry

- about 30 miles east of the city.

- Mmm-hmm.

There was this great lighthouse.

I mean, it was just right on the beach,

off the boardwalk.

- You went there by yourself?

- Yeah.

You know, I just, like, sat on the beach,

listened to the waves,

watched the sunset.

God! I had no concerns, you know?

I had, like, no responsibilities,

no job stressing me out.

I had no one to please but myself.

- That's that photo you have.

- Yeah.

That was a great day.

I did take myself out of the game.

If you stop betting,

you never have to lose.

I'd bet on you, Jack.

So, long day, huh?

Yeah.

So, we should probably get to bed.

Yep.

Can you undo my zipper?

- It gets stuck.

- Yeah! Yeah.

Absolutely.

All right.

All right. Okay. There it is.

Thanks.

Hey, I... These...

- I wasn't in your things.

- It's okay. Just leave them right there.

I can put them back.

Good night, Mr. Fuller.

Good night, Mrs. Fuller.

It's all right

It's all right

Everything's all right

It's all right

Everything's all right

It's okay

Okay, I'm on my way. I know.

It's almost over.

I'm about to be a free woman.

- Joy. Joy!

- What?

I have to go.

- Mason?

- Yeah.

I can't talk right now. I'm sorry.

I have to get going. I just...

I want you back, Joy.

- What?

- I made a huge mistake letting you go.

I see that now.

Seeing you the other day,

you had this glow about you.

Not that you didn't before, it's just...

Sometimes it takes losing something

for you to realize what you had.

I want to make up

for the wrong I did to you.

This is yours.

I gave it to you, and I want you to have it.

- Where did you get this?

- And Joy,

you are good enough for me.

I mean that!

Court is called to order.

Well, lookie here, lookie here!

The happy couple!

Six months down the road.

Did you learn anything?

We'll see.

Now, Dr. Twitchell, in your opinion,

did the couple,

Jack Fuller and Joy McNally,

obey the court order

to live together as man and wife,

and do you believe they put

sufficient effort into the marriage?

These two have

a lot of issues.

A lot of deeply unsettling issues

that, as individuals,

they seriously need to work on.

Seriously.

But together, in my honest opinion,

they're perfect for each other.

It's the real thing.

Go figure.

Well, thank you, Doctor.

You may step down.

Tipper!

Hi, Your Honor.

Have you lost weight?

Gotcha. Let's begin.

Although Ms. McNally ran up $25,000

in credit card debt in my client's name,

my client recently spent the same amount

for materials

for his new furniture business.

Therefore, we propose

the following settlement, Your Honor.

The original $3 million,

deduct half for taxes

and $50,000 that's already been spent,

that leaves $1.45 million to be divided...

equally.

Now that's the spirit!

You've learned to share! Do you accept?

No, Your Honor, we do not.

Gold-digging whore.

My client has advised me that

she doesn't want any of the money.

She just wants a divorce.

Miss McNally, are you sure?

Yes, Your Honor, I am.

Well, then I hereby grant the divorce

and award all the monies to Mr. Fuller.

Court adjourned.

You win, Jack.

I officially want nothing from you.

Oh, my God.

I won a case! Jesus Christ!

Dude, we won!

I won!

Yeah! I'm the law, b*tches!

I'm a lawyer!

To me!

Anybody need a lawyer?

And tonight I have to leave it

Time heals all wounds.

Now that you guys are officially done,

I was hoping to maybe get her number.

Yes, tonight I have to leave it

Don't you come up to me

and say you like it

Yeah, okay.

You don't have to answer that right now.

Hey, I have a question.

How much does an island cost?

And tonight I have to leave it

Yes, tonight I have to leave it

Now we come to the final item

on our agenda.

Congratulations, McNally.

Thank you, sir. I won't let you down.

Okay, I think I'm gonna have to

let you down.

Why don't you just give it to Chong,

you know?

She's good, she deserves it,

and besides,

I think she just enjoys being miserable.

- Yes!

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