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What Happens In Vegas... Page #7
she got for him. Bag of weed!
- Her idea!
- Really?
- She's on fire!
- Wow.
On fire.
Well, thanks again.
Stripper! Hiya!
- I so want to junkpunch that guy.
- What's with you and junkpunching?
- Joy?
- Hi!
I'm so glad you could make it.
Hey, sweetie.
- Hi! This is my girlfriend, Tipper.
- Hi, Tipper. Judy.
- Thanks for calling.
- Where's Jack?
He's over there,
coaching the Little League.
Do you know what it's like
to fall on the floor?
And cry your guts out till you got no more
Come on, sweetheart.
I want my new daughter-in-law
- to meet the whole family.
- Smile!
One, two, three,
- Rockets!
- Rockets!
Who wants sugar? Let's go!
What is this, like a five-foot hoagie?
- Hi!
- Hi.
This is my niece, and BFF,
Sammy, this is your Aunt Joy.
- Nice to meet you, Sammy.
- Hi, Joy.
I didn't know you coached Little League.
Oh, there's a lot of things you don't know
about me. Isn't that right?
Jack wore a little fedora
and a leather jacket to school
every day for six months.
Who wouldn't want to be Indiana Jones?
I agree completely. I mean,
Raiders of the Lost Ark may be
- I don't think I like what's going on here.
- What, are we bonding now?
She doesn't seem so bad, Uncle Jack.
split the money and stay married.
You told her?
Yeah, I don't have secrets from Sammy.
I tell her everything.
Hey man now you're really living
Well I just saw the sun rise over the hill
Never used to give me much of a thrill
But hey man now you're really living
Well, ladies, I believe
this is where we go our separate ways.
Thank you.
People sing
Do you know what it's like
to fall on the floor?
And cry your guts out till you got no more
Hey man now you're really living
Joy!
Mason.
- What are you doing here?
- I was just visiting some friends.
- In Brooklyn?
- Well, yeah. Yeah.
Brooklyn. The B.K. Love it here.
Yeah, they're artists. Yeah.
Hey, you want to go grab a glass of vino?
Maybe chat up for a bit?
I can't right now. Sorry.
- Okay, all right. Well, maybe next week.
- I have my retreat.
Wow!
You seem fine.
No, I mean, you look great.
Doesn't she look great? You look great.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
I... Yeah.
- I gotta go.
- Yeah, me, too. Me, too.
- All right, well, maybe some other time.
- Yeah.
Good seeing you.
Good bumping into you like that. Weird.
Take care.
- Oh, my God. You're falling for her.
- What?
- You're falling for your wife! You idiot!
- What are you talking about?
- She's a wily temptress.
- "A wily temptress."
- Yes!
- You just said "wily temptress."
Yes, I did, because that is what she is.
And what do wily temptresses do, Jack?
They tempt in a wily fashion.
And then they play you.
Tempt, play, tempt, play.
And she's playing you, my friend.
Don't let her play you
out of what is rightfully yours.
Keep your eyes on the prize, Jack!
Eyes on the prize.
Hey, McNally.
What'd you do, take the weekend off?
- Oh...
- Have fun?
No, I remember when I didn't care
about my career, either.
I'm sorry, I just had this thing
this weekend with my husband's family...
Your husband? You got married?
Well, thanks for the invite.
I didn't even know you had a boyfriend.
Yeah, no, I'm married.
I didn't tell you that?
No, you didn't.
I guess you're not a big sharer.
Now, listen, Joy,
I've been in this business for a long time.
And the thing that I value most
in my employees is honesty.
So I'm gonna be honest with you.
Right now, you and Chong are tied.
Now, Chonger is bringing her husband
to the retreat.
- I think you should bring yours, too.
- He will be there.
- You can count on it, sir.
- Good.
So let me get this straight.
She asked you
to come to a retreat for her job.
Yeah.
The most important thing
to her in the world.
Do you believe that? I was like, "No!"
'Cause I'm like... I'm like,
"Hey, what are you still doing here?"
Jack! You have got
to get your ass down there,
pretend to be the perfect husband,
charm them all, and then,
when you have them eating
out of the palm of your hand,
you make her sign this.
- What's this?
- This is a document, okay,
relinquishing all the rights to the money.
Right? You tell her if she doesn't sign it,
you're gonna out her in front of everybody.
Yeah.
I mean, that's not, you know...
It's not pretty, but we can...
I can laminate it.
- I don't know.
- Okay, look, Jack, the hearing's in a week.
Okay? This is our last shot.
- Hey, McNally.
- Mr. Banger.
So, where's this husband of yours?
I just met Chonger's husband.
He's a very smart guy.
He's a tool, but he's smart.
He's...
So the spaceman says,
"I don't even have a vagina!"
He's there!
I'll just take this to him.
Mr. Banger, I just wanted
to take this moment
to express to you my gratitude.
I'll be seeing you at the...
The dining table.
- Hey, hey!
- Hey.
I'm so glad to see you.
Muffin, I've been looking
everywhere for you.
This is why everyone
should have their wife on LoJack.
Let me introduce you to my friends.
This is David Young, your CFO.
Mr. Young. An honor. Hi.
And this is the rest of your board, actually.
Great people. Wealthy people.
Sit down, sit down, sit down.
So you're the lucky guy.
- Hi. Jack Fuller.
- I'm Richard Banger.
You're in my seat.
Wait, your name is Richard Banger?
Your name is Dick Banger.
Dick Banger! Dick Banger?
You, sir, have just provided us with jokes
for the whole weekend!
Well, you must be Jack... off!
Jack-Off! Give it to me, baby!
- Jack-Off, buddy!
- He has a comeback!
McNally, where have you
been hiding this guy?
You know, I've just been
keeping him all to myself!
Well, you gotta learn how to share.
All right, everybody, let's sit down.
Brainiac, Chonger, move over.
"Jack-Off." How about it? Oh, boy.
I don't know what made you change
your mind, and I don't need to. I just...
Thank you.
- "Jack-Off." I love that.
- Yeah, I do, too.
I love that, that you said that.
Because it was...
For a moment there, I...
I'm so sorry.
Joy, come on over! Joy!
I'm on it!
- Yeah!
- I'm on it.
Yeah! Yeah!
One looks for happiness
One longs to find a partner
One knows that nowadays
One love will be the answer
One sees a crazy world
- Hey.
- So what's up? She sign it yet?
No, not yet.
You better not
be pussying out on me!
Don't get your panties in a bunch.
I'm just waiting for her to get down here.
Got to warm
these people up, you know?
All right, well, call me
when it's done, okay?
I'm holding down the fort in the meantime.
- Yeah. All right.
- Bye.
Lavender.
You get on my head.
Oh, my God. That is slick.
That is something else.
- Can you believe this?
- No.
I guess I was wrong.
What?
No, you just... You...
I like your hair like that.
Thanks.
Can I get two shots?
You know what? Make it three.
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"What Happens In Vegas..." Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/what_happens_in_vegas..._23273>.
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