What Just Happened Page #6

[ALL LAUGH]

I hope you know you're sitting

with a great ex-agent.

- Yeah.

- Just give me one more minute.

- Yeah.

- Excuse us.

He has lots of time.

He can sit at the bar.

How could you call

and not mention this?

There's a logic to these things.

You met him, the man's an animal.

When I called him today,

he hadn't eaten yet.

That's the wrong time.

You gotta do this

when there's an open window.

We don't have that many windows left.

When's the next window?

- After AA would be an open window.

- When's that?

- Two days.

- That's no good.

- What's tomorrow morning?

- Analysis. He'll be nuts for hours after.

You don't wanna mention lawsuit

or beard after psychotherapy.

Listen to me. I don't care.

Find a window tomorrow. That's it.

[DOOR OPENS]

I know what you think

this looks like, but it's not.

Johnny did not send me here

to make you happy.

I wanted to meet you on my own.

I know everything you've done.

I know who you are.

And I'm not just some silly girl

in tight clothes.

- I went to Stanford.

- That's a good school.

I just.

I just wanna get to know you.

BEN:

Me?

What's your name again?

- Laura.

- Laura.

I respect you and your movies.

And I know

if I don't take this chance now.

no matter how aggressive

it might seem.

my chance will never

come up again.

That's so flattering.

I mean, I guess if I were a tailor,

you'd still be doing this. Am I right?

[LAURA LAUGHS]

You are such a funny person.

And I want you to know that

there is nothing I wouldn't do.

for a chance to see you

on my own.

with no strings attached.

Unless you wanna

do something now.

BEN:

Now?

[TOILET FLUSHES]

LAURA:
Well, why don't you just

call me then?

Try not to get that wet.

[BEEP]

[PHONE RINGING ON OTHER END]

KELLY [ON MACHINE]: Hi. Leave

a message for Kelly, Sophie or Max.

[ALARM CHIMES]

WOMAN [ON STEREO]: Inhale,

move forward to upward dog.

Exhale to downward dog.

Take five deep

LAURA:
I can't stay for breakfast.

I have three scripts to read.

Hm.

- You wanna kiss them one more time?

WOMAN:
Jump towards the front

You don't remember a thing,

do you?

I remember offering you

a two-picture deal.

And that was before

we took Ecstasy.

WOMAN:
Before you do that

- I gotta go.

I dig older guys.

[PHONE RINGING]

Seventy-four, 75, 76, 77...

BEN:
Hello?

CAL:
Ben. Sid's office sent an e-mail

BEN:
I'm not here.

- Sh*t.

Man, I hate that thing.

Sid wants the Bruce/beard

situation handled before the lunch.

[PHONE RINGS]

CARL:
Hey, just got an e-mail.

Vanity Fair wants you.

Thirty most powerful producers

for their power issue.

How about that?

[PHONE RINGS]

CAL:
Sid's office called again.

Here, I'll just read you the quote.

"I want the beard situation resolved

before the f***ing lunch." End quote.

BEN:
Can you call Sid's office, tell him

I'm trying to resolve this beard thing?

I'll talk to him at lunch.

WAITRESS:

I'm so sorry.

Mr. Voss's office just called

and he simply can't make the lunch.

They sent over this note.

For you.

MAN:
Oh, how are you?

WOMAN:
I'm doing well.

I forgot my reading glasses

in the car.

Could you read it to me, please?

Of course.

"Dear Ben,

don't think for a second...

having lunch was gonna change

a f***ing.

thing.

Unless that f***ing beard goes.

then we f***ing shut.

the whole f***ing movie down."

Betty, tell Sid I tried

to get Bruce three times.

I can't get him on the phone.

I've got a crew of 200 standing by.

- We start shooting on Friday.

BETTY:
We don't have time.

I know I'm running out of time.

- You've gotta make it happen.

- Fine.

Ben? I got Kelly holding on 2.

Okay.

- Jeremy's on 3. He says it's urgent.

- Okay.

KELLY [ON PHONE]: Ben? Ben?

- Kelly, just hold on.

- Ben.

- Jeremy, talk to me.

JEREMY:
You better like it, baby.

- Jeremy.

- Get here. Now. Jesus.

- I'm coming. I'm coming.

- Coming.

DAWN:
Kelly.

Hi. Kelly? Kelly? Kelly?

Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.

What's up?

Afternoon. Do I look happy?

Enough to scare me.

You like it?

It's good, I know, but it's the feather

that gets me there.

You know what I mean?

It's like me, Tonto.

the studio, the Lone Ranger, like.

I mean, I'm not gonna

fight a battle I can't win.

A f***ing waste of time.

It makes no sense.

Jeremy, sometimes it takes more guts

to concede.

Have a seat. Come on.

[AUDIO SCRUBBING]

Got about 10 minutes out of this

altogether just by shaking the box.

And here comes

the dreaded ending.

[GUNSHOT]

Like the music? It contradicts

the violence, and they'll love that.

Here we go.

SEAN [IN FILM]:
Father, forgive them.

They know not what they do.

- See? Now dog.

- Yeah.

Ah. Dog not shot.

Runs to master to comfort him.

[DOG WHIMPERING]

It's great.

JEREMY:

Yeah.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

- So?

BEN:
That's great.

[JEREMY LAUGHING]

Wow.

- Not bad, eh?

- Not bad.

Lou will come in her pants.

- Yeah. Panties.

- Pants, actually, yeah.

Point taken. I don't know, Jeremy.

I don't know.

- How did you figure?

- That was just an outtake.

We had about 10 of them.

You remember? We could never

get that dog under control.

Lovely though he was.

I mean, it was like He loved Sean.

He was always licking his face.

- It's brilliant.

- And there you have it, you know.

Quite simple, really.

- Brilliant. Brilliant.

- Thank you.

It certainly

It changes the tone of the movie.

Yeah. No, I know what

you're gonna say. Right.

It won't mean nothing now.

The truth of it is we can take comfort

in the fact we're not gonna offend.

Jeremy, I don't get it.

- This isn't you talking.

- It's me, isn't it?

- I mean, how did you get there?

- How did I do it?

There we go. Oh, Christ.

I'll grab them later.

Those are Placidil.

And you're meant to take it

three times a day.

You could watch your old mom

get gang raped in broad daylight...

and still appreciate the weather.

Apparently the stuff works.

I gotta call Lou.

Hello? Judy?

Hello, Judy?

Is Lou there?

[PHONE RINGS]

- Yes, Ben?

- Lou.

Lou, Jeremy has done it.

Really done it.

I think we licked this bastard.

- I knew you would make this work.

- We ham-and-egged it.

Not that I doubt you,

but when can I see it?

[TOILET FLUSHES]

- You can see it whenever you want.

- Tell Jeremy I'll be by around 2.

Okay, okay, I'll tell him.

She'll be by this afternoon

with her creative team.

Pick out your tux and leisure wear...

because we're gonna be heading

for Cannes.

Where can I kiss you? Where?

Name the location. Where?

JEREMY:
Placidil is not hearing.

- Great, great.

JEREMY:

Thank you, Ben.

It's nice to see you happy, mate.

Boy. Jeremy, I'm so relieved.

- Oh, me too.

- All right.

- Keep up the good Work.

- Will do, man. Absolutely.

Happy?

Yep.

BEN:

No. Dick. Dick.

You have to face this thing now.

You've gotta tell Bruce

he's gotta get rid of that beard.

You understand? Now.

Not tomorrow.

Now. Right away.

You've gotta tell

You gotta tell Bruce now.

I can't afford

to lose this movie, Dick.

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