What Just Happened Page #5

Blow me.

- We don't have much of a choice.

- No. I don't

- The beard's not so bad anyway.

- Maybe it's not so bad.

MAN [ON STEREO]:

This is Fiercely, 6M6, take three.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING

ON STEREO]

BEN:

I do, I get it, Sidney, I do.

Of all the studio heads,

you are the funniest.

- But listen

SIDNEY:
Thank you, thank you.

You're welcome.

You gotta stay with me here.

This is Bruce Willis

we're talking about.

Maybe we need to bend a little,

to think creatively.

In fact, I gotta say, he might be right,

a beard might be a good idea.

You never know.

Sometimes we don't know.

- Let's keep it simple.

- Hello?

Let's keep it simple, Ben.

I'm not Lou. I like to be direct.

Yes.

Okay, tell me what I have to do.

If that bastard doesn't shave

and look like a leading man...

A, we shut the movie down,

B, we sue him for all damages.

. and C, we then sue you

for misrepresentation.

Oh, Sidney, come on.

Let's sit down and have lunch

and discuss this like men.

- Come on.

- We bought a movie star.

- Call my office.

- Sidney. Sid.

Sidney. Hello?

BEN [ON SPEAKERPHONE]: Are you

saying Bruce never mentioned this?

You're his agent,

his confidant, for God's sakes.

We're on the ledge on this one.

He's got four days to clean himself up,

and that's it.

I'll even personally pay for the trainer.

How about that?

- You have got to be kidding.

- No, no, Dick.

No, I'm not kidding, Dick,

it is happening.

- You tell me it's happening?

- Afraid so.

- It can't be.

- It is happening. Afraid so.

[DICK GAGGING]

What's that?

- What's that? Dick.

- It's nothing.

- That's nothing?

- Finish your point.

- How much does he know, huh?

- It's a bit sketchy.

We got lathered up. Things might

have been taken out of context.

- Tell me exactly what was said.

- You know how it goes:

"F*** you." "No, no, f*** you."

And then it got worse.

Why not call me back

after you talk to him? Let's do that.

Tell him he's gonna get fired and sued

for money in his piggy bank?

I don't want to.

- You give him the bad news.

- Dick, you're an agent.

Delivering bad news

is part of the job description.

I can't do it.

The messenger gets killed.

You know that. I can't.

I've been working with him

for two years.

He's one of my most important clients,

but he's very mercurial.

- He can snap at any time.

- You're scared of him.

I'm not scared of him,

I'm scared of all of them.

- Could you hold a sec?

- Sure.

[DICK GRUNTING]

You okay?

Dick, you okay?

Maybe we should do this later.

Yeah, let's do this later.

It's a... It's a...

It's a stomach disorder.

It comes and it.

[DICK GRUNTING]

. goes.

- You sure?

- No, seriously, I'm fine.

Absolutely. They cut me back

on my antidepressants.

...so I can get it up.

But the withdrawal

makes my stomach clench.

It sounds worse than it is.

I even had to cut back Klonopin.

- When do you take that?

- Travel.

- Whenever I pack.

- Whenever you pack?

Your client has got to give us

some relief.

Let's figure out

how we can solve this beard thing.

Well, to start, why don't we let him

wear his f***ing beard?

What is the big deal?

Oh, no, no, no.

Hey, Dick, we're way past that now.

Do you know the ramifications

of what you're asking of me?

I do.

[DICK GRUNTING & GAGGING]

Jesus, man,

you gotta get ahold of yourself.

You should talk to somebody

about that stomach.

- Okay, gotta go.

- Okay.

- Bye, now.

- Bye.

KELLY [ON MACHINE]: Hi, leave

a message for Kelly, Sophie or Max.

Kelly, it's Ben, just call me

on my cell anytime, anytime.

Okay, bye.

KELLY [ON MACHINE]: Hi, leave

a message for Kelly, Sophie or Max.

Kelly.

It's me. I'm on my cell.

I need to talk to you.

I'm having dinner

with some money people tonight.

but you're more important to me.

Call me on my cell

as soon as you get this.

Thank you.

[ALL SPEAKING IN

FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

- The money is in the box.

JOHNNY:
Money's in the box.

Could you make the movie

in 50 days?

No.

[MEN SPEAKING

IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

ABA:
Well, we're sitting there drinking

with Stallone

Sly, Sly, Sly.

and Don Johnson

is sitting three tables away from us.

He'd be very good in this.

Ah.

Could you excuse me

for one moment?

- Where'd he get his money from?

- Dry cleaning.

He started by cleaning

the wardrobes for the movie studios.

He charged them like $10 a suit.

They paid.

Next time, he charged them $50 a suit.

They paid.

Next time, charged them $100 a suit.

They paid.

He said, "I wanna be in the movie

business. I understand these people."

[PHONE RINGS]

- Kelly. Kelly Oh, Kelly Excuse me.

- Sure.

I'll be right back. Yes, Kelly.

I'm so glad you called me back.

So an actor more important

than the mother of your children?

Of course I don't think

he's as important as you.

- Ten times, you called.

- No, I didn't.

I did not call you 10 times today,

I called you four times.

Well, what was so damn important?

Couldn't be me.

Look, let me find a quiet place

and I'll tell you.

I'll tell you what's so important.

I just I just

I wanted to know...

is anyone else other than you

sleeping in our old bed?

What?

You lost that privilege

over two years ago.

Wait a second, I believe 30,000

a month entitles me to something.

- You know, I gotta be frank with you.

- F*** you.

I have never heard you say:

"F*** you", like that to me

in front of the kids.

- What are you doing?

- The kids are sleeping.

Okay, I'm all done.

Can't we discuss this now?

I'll come over.

- No. No.

- Please? Please?

- No. No.

- Please? Please.

- Ben, no.

- Look, I'm hurting.

- You're hurting?

- Yeah, there, I've said it.

- I'm hurting.

- You really are?

Yeah, yeah, I am, I am.

Oh, hold on.

Dick, Dick, I need to talk to you.

- Yeah, I'm hurting.

- Get some f***ing help.

You're right. I know it's a bad habit.

I'm working on it, believe me.

Look, can't we please

discuss it now? Please?

I have to I gotta go. I gotta go.

Okay, all right, all right.

I suppose it's not a good time.

Thanks for Yeah, we'll speak soon.

Thanks for returning my call.

DICK:

I'll have a martin I'll drink

I'll order two martinis

and have them both.

- I could use it. I could use it.

- Let's order two martinis, large.

DICK:
Hi.

- Did you tell him?

Huh?

- Did you tell him?

- I eluded to it, yes.

- "Alluded"?

- I meant "allude."

I don't care what you meant.

"Alluded" or "eluded"?

- "Alluded." A-L-L-U-D-E-D.

- Yes, that's what I

- Okay.

- I hinted at it. I didn't elude.

A picture is about to get canceled.

What does that mean, "alluded"?

I told him I have something

important to discuss.

- And you told him what it was about?

- I.

A-B-O-U-T, "about"?

- Not yet.

- Not yet, okay.

- No, no.

- Sorry for the intrusion.

- What's with the patch?

- Shingles.

My lid, occasionally it flutters.

It's nothing.

I'm just glad

it's not anything serious.

[ALL LAUGH]

- Hey, if I went blind, you'd celebrate.

- Yeah, probably.

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