What Love Is Page #11

I just wanted it

to be my idea, you know,

and not feel like

I'm being pressured into

doing something I was gonna do

in the first place.

If-if two people really love

each other,

that's what should matter.

And all this necessity

to get married and stuff

is just insecurity.

I hate to break it to you, tom,

but women need security.

Everybody does, Deb.

Don't they?

What are you trying to say?

I'm not trying to say anything.

I just know men, that's all.

You do?

Especially the married kind.

And I know that if you're off

sneaking out of the house

at 3:
00 in the morning

while your wife's

still in bed sleeping,

well, then you're not just

down here drinking, baby.

You're down here

looking for something.

And what do you suppose

that is?

Probably yesterday.

Yesterday?

Mm-hmm.

You can't just go out and win

the Kentucky derby every year.

Eventually they gotta

put you out to stud.

But I bet you used to be

the man back in the day...

Didn't you?

Okay. Hold on...

W-what's all this "yesterday"

and "used to be" business?

Oh, now, sugar, don't go getting

any more gray hairs over it.

It happens to every man,

and I can tell

by looking at you,

I bet right

before you hung it up,

you left a trail behind you,

didn't you?

Probably had

their panties all wet,

lungs breathing hard,

"ooh, baby...

"Can I come by your house

and pick up that thing

I accidentally left

over your house on purpose?"

But then I bet you got

real bored with all that

and thought you'd settle with

a woman who'd settle you down,

but what you didn't realize

is that sort of sh*t

got to happen

from the inside.

Ain't no woman on earth

that can do that for you.

But now you're married,

with that wolf running around

in your head,

screaming, "oh, I got

to get out and run. "

And so that's why,

on restless nights like this,

when you can't sleep,

you still feel the need

to come here

and rub up against it.

You know why, Kenny?

'Cause deep down inside,

you are still the man.

Thank you.

Good night.

I'll be right there.

Excuse me, tom,

I'll say good night.

Whoa. Where you going?

I'm gonna show Rachel

that thing in my car.

What thing?

You know, that thing in my car.

No, Sal, I don't know.

What thing?

That thing, the thing,

the thing in my car,

the can't-get-lost system.

Oh, the can't-get-lost system.

Can't-get-lost-system.

Hmm.

Also known as

the northstar system.

Oh, the northstar system.

Northstar.

Man, I thought you were

gonna stay and help me out.

You know I'm not good with

the boy-girl thing.

Anything I say

is just gonna make it worse.

I don't think

that's necessarily true.

Well, tom, I'm dealing with

a force greater than my own.

So if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go show Rachel

the northstar system in my car.

Good night, tom.

I never thought I'd say this,

but I think Sal may have

met his match.

Believe me, you don't even

know the half of it.

Hey, hey!

What do you think you're doing?

What? I'm about to open

the door,

what does it look like

I'm doing?

With me, you don't touch

a door, you understand?

Not that you can't,

'cause of course I know you can.

It would just be my honor

if you let me do that for you.

Are you gonna walk on the

outside of the sidewalk, too?

Yeah, behind you up the stairs,

in front when you go down.

Really?

I know my Emily post.

Huh, I'm impressed.

No need, really,

it's what every man

should know

and no man really does.

Will you let me pick up

the check now and then?

You can pretend to reach

just so I can say,

"baby, don't be ridiculous. "

As I recall, Katherine did

say you were a gentleman.

Oh, I can be

gentle sometimes...

Till it's time

to be not so gentle.

- Oof.

- Excuse me.

I'm looking

for 3356 commonwealth.

Do you know

where I might find this?

It's right there.

I just came out.

Thank you. Wait.

Do you by chance know

my friend Wayne Krenser,

for whom I am looking?

I am Kwame Damfu.

Yeah, I know your friend.

He's a friend of mine, too.

I'm Sal.

Ah, Sal. I'm so very blessed

to meet you.

Wayne has told me so many

wonderful things about you.

That's 'cause

he's a good person.

You should remember that.

Oh, I will always.

That's good.

'Cause I'd hate

to have to remind you,

you understand?

Yes. I understand.

That's good, because

right now he may be your boy,

but he's always been my boy.

Nice to meet you, Kwame.

Have a good night.

Say I'm wrong.

Say I'm wrong

and I will finish my drink,

gather up my girls and I will

leave, but if I'm right,

oh, baby, if I'm right, then do

yourself a favor, Kenny.

Cut yourself a break.

Live a little.

Come with me now

because life is too short

and you only live once,

but if you live it right,

once can be enough.

You really think so?

Oh, yes.

And you honestly

mean that?

Yes.

Then you know what?

What, Kenny?

That is the most

cheesiest-ass bullshit

I have ever heard

in my entire life.

Ha-ha. What?

But I bet the speech

probably works

on a lot of married men,

doesn't it?

Backed-up fools who are tired

of f***ing their wives

and hate their marriage

and so when they hear you

repeat that weak-ass sh*t,

they can't wait to go run off

and get freaky with you,

playing "glory days"

on the radio, thinking

they still got it, right?

I-I don't think you...

no, no,

I-I know, you don't think.

And, sweetie,

you probably should

because I know you're out there

f***ing breaking

a lot of people's hearts

and hurting a lot of people

that you don't even realize.

And that

ain't f***ing cool.

So now go gather up

your girls and go,

and the next time,

try being original

and having respect

for people's relationships

'cause nowadays,

not a lot of people do.

Kenneth Albert Anderson!

Why are you down here drinking

at 3:
00 in the goddamn morning?

Kenny, your wife's here.

Thank you, tom.

Sorry-ass motherf***er.

I mean, are you kidding me

with this? Again?

Come on, girls, let's go.

Oh, don't leave without me!

Where's everybody go...? Oh!

If I come here looking for you

one more time...

if you make me get out of bed

and come looking for you

one more time,

just one more time...

oh, yeah, what are you

gonna do?

Then you'd better

have one of these for me.

Vodka gimlet?

Yes, it is.

Kwame!

Wayne!

Oh, my god,

I'm so glad you're here!

You see what I did,

that irate-wife thing?

Very convincing.

Let me introduce you

to my friends.

Oh, my god, tom. Tom.

Sara's outside.

On second thought, maybe not.

Come on, Kwame,

let's evaporate.

What's she doing?

Looking for parking!

Sh*t, she can't find parking!

Ooh, good, Sara's coming out?

George! George!

Yeah, but we're leaving.

Yes, can't you see?

You have a green complexion.

Are you flushed?

Seeing spots?

No, but if we go upstairs,

will you take my temperature?

George! She can't find parking!

Be strong, Tommy!

And remember,

you have to tell her!

Please tell me you're

gonna tell her, okay?

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