What Other Couples Do Page #6

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Everybody else is game.

(Josh) Right.

(Chris) Well? Are you in?

She wants to, so...

Fun!

Alright, my lawyer says it'll be valid because

we'd all be witnesses to each other's signatures.

(Dave) What?

I printed a limited liability

agreement from the Net.

It's a boilerplate agreement,

so I had to add some wording...

but basically we're agreeing to not

talk about the game after tonight.

So that, you know, no one

fights about it afterward.

And we can't discuss it publicly, either.

Well, good. Because I don't want

anybody thinking we're swingers.

Yeah. It could have a

negative effect on my career.

Well, all of our careers.

We all have careers, so...

Of course. Well, everyone except for Lisa.

I work. I run this household.

If by 'run this household' you mean

calling the maid and ordering take-out.

Don't talk to me like that.

Lisa, c'mon. It's not like you're

actually doing all the work yourself...

cleaning the house, the

pool, doing the landscaping.

I coordinate everything. I pay the bills and run the

errands, so that you can work 24/7. I make your life possible.

Oh, wow, like that's a

privilege. I get to work 24/7.

You love working.

I have to go to the well while I

can. This could all change overnight.

Yeah, I'm the hot writer now. But

that can't last forever, right?

Okay. Yes. I love to work.

I'm sorry. You're right.

You make my life possible.

Thank you.

Which closet are we going to use?

(Music plays)

(Michelle) Where does this even go?

(Michelle) Ahhh!

I'll be the deejay.

Bryan Ferry.

Too obvious?

Who would you want to be matched with?

What do you mean?

If we played.

You want to play.

Nah, I'm just saying, if we did,

who would you want to be paired with?

No one. Who would you

want to be paired with?

No one.

Why'd you ask me that? Obviously you've

thought about who you'd want to be paired with.

No, I was thinking that

maybe it was on your mind.

Well, if we're going to argue,

then we might as well play.

You wanna play.

No. Do you?

No.

(Music plays)

(Brad laughs)

I don't know. Bad feng shui.

I know you find Lisa attractive.

No...

Maybe not her face, but her breasts.

No, I don't.

Liar.

Bree, I mean...

No, look, look... you have to

lie. I mean, you have no choice.

What're you going to say,

'Yeah, she's got great tits'?

You can't say that. So,

you lie. To keep the peace.

See? Everything's based on

a foundation of bullshit.

That's so depressing.

We should just be honest.

Okay. You first.

Okay.

Yes. Lisa has nice breasts.

But you know they're gonna sag.

And yours are gonna stay

nice and perfect-looking.

Yeah, because they're smaller.

Hers are huge.

Okay? Now you say something honest.

Be honest about something.

Alright, this is not a big deal. I mean, it's

silly, because he's famous and unattainable, but...

I find Matt Damon attractive.

Matt Damon?

He's not unattainable.

You could totally get him.

Ryan, he's married. And his

wife seems really lovely.

Why do people use that word, 'lovely'? It's so

pretentious. Like, what are we, British or something? Huh?

I guarantee if Matt Damon met

you, he'd be attracted to you.

No, he wouldn't, okay? And that's part of why I like him,

you know? I feel like he's a nice guy. He's got integrity.

Oh, boy, you've really thought a

lot about this, haven't you, huh?

Matt Damon? I mean, he's not even funny.

Yeah, remember when he

was on "Will and Grace"?

You f***ing remember that? I mean, you've

really been into him for a while, haven't you?

I'm not going to argue with you about this. If we're

going to argue, then let's go play Seven Minutes in Heaven.

If you want to f***ing play,

then let's f***ing play!

I don't want to play!

Of course you don't wanna

play. Not with these slobs.

They're no temptation to you. Not

when you're obsessed with Matt Damon.

Oh my God.

I mean, I don't know how I'm going

to find time to get washboard abs...

when I'm busy trying to work my

ass off, to build a comedy career.

I mean, who knows what will

happen, when you run into Damon...

while I'm out, flying all over creation, performing

in clubs, to try to pay for our f***ing house!

This is insane. I'm not going

to leave you for Matt Damon.

You think he'd be faithful to you? Huh? A f***ing actor?

They fall in and out of love like kids at summer camp, huh?

Ya really think he's gonna be into you,

when you get old and your breasts sag?

What do you think?

This is perfect.

So, we can use these to draw names.

Oh, here, I'll do it. So, Ryan

thinks you have nice breasts.

Thanks.

No problem.

(the others laugh)

(Michelle) Real original.

(Josh) Well, here we go.

Okay, you guys ready to play?

I didn't know married

people did stuff like this.

They don't.

You don't know that. We don't

know what other married people do.

Well, we're short one girl. So,

someone's gonna have to go twice.

Me. If you have two kids, you go twice.

No one picks their own spouse.

There's gotta be a more efficient way

to do this, like a mathematical way.

Too bad we're all writers,

we'll never find out.

Lisa.

Ooooh.

(Ryan) That's your wife.

(Josh) Yeah, please. Fill 'er up.

Can I get a drink?

Have fun.

(Bree) I love how you're smiling.

I don't care.

(Josh) You don't care?

(Michelle) I don't.

Think this is a test?

Like, they're testing us?

Here, we're going first, 'cause they wanna

see if we're actually gonna do something.

Then they'll just, like, crucify us.

No. Mm-mm.

This wood paneling is nice.

Yeah, I know. It's

original, it's from the '50s.

Josh wanted to redo it, because

he likes everything so perfect.

He prides himself on being a perfectionist.

You know what's funny? My mom is a

human resources manager for a hospital...

So, she's a real student of human

nature... do I sound like a geek?

No. No.

Anyway. So. When she interviews someone,

and they say that they're a perfectionist,

she doesn't buy it. She says true

perfectionists are so demanding of themselves...

they don't think of themselves

as anywhere near perfect.

They think that everything they do is so far from

perfection that they couldn't possibly be a perfectionist.

I love that.

So. I don't think Josh is a perfectionist.

You ever read his scripts,

when he finishes them?

Always.

Do they have any typos?

Tons!

I rest my case.

I sound like an old person. Next thing you know I'll be

saying 'gams' instead of legs. 'Look at the gams on her!'

You're so funny.

Really?

Yeah. Michelle doesn't tell

you that very often, huh?

It's extremely rare. It's

part of her winning formula.

She hardly ever throws you a bone, so when she

does, you feel like you're the king of the world.

Omigod, now I'm James Cameron.

He's not such a bad guy.

Josh hardly ever compliments me either.

It's 'cause they're insecure. Really insecure

people never give compliments. They can't afford to.

You're right.

You're so smart and funny

and... god, Michelle's lucky.

You're such a man, you

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